These days there are a jillion different diets to try, but none work as well as the Will Power Diet. His works every time if you’ve got the fortitude to stick with it.
However, whenever I go into a health food store, I’m struck with how sickly the folks who work in the store look. Which prompted me to write the following:
A Health Warning To Would-be Vegetarians
If you’ve got in your mind,
Just veggies to find
To fill up your grocery store cart.
Let me give you advice …
The results won’t be nice.
You’d be better off not to start.
But if you insist,
And follow through on this
Self-destructive course of action.
A warning – many things will change.
Your life will be rearranged.
By joining the anti-meat faction.
Your health will fail.
You’ll start looking pale
And your eyes will be rheumy and runny
Your bowels will bind
And, your hair you’ll find
Is brittle and looking real funny.
A spritely step you can’t make
‘Cause your joints will all ache.
And you start to stoop at the shoulder.
Your spine will twist
You’ll be stiff in the wrist
And you’ll feel your age —even older.
You’ll slow down your pace
And get gaunt in the face
And your hide will just hang on your bones.
Your voice will get weak.
Your bladder will leak,
And your kidneys get loaded with stones.
Your brain cells will wither.
You’ll be all a’dither.
As nerve endings fail to connect.
And you’ll shuffle around.
Alone in your town.
As all your friends start to defect.
Your blood pressure will soar.
Your ears will roar.
And your grip will lose all its might.
Your poor resistance to disease
Will put you in a squeeze
As your doctor bills go out of sight.
Your skin will lose all its bloom.
As your mind fills up with doom,
And your sinuses fill up with snot.
For eating broccoli and beets
Instead of red meats
Like you know in your heart that you ought!