Archive for the ‘Woodlief, Tony’

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    On the vice of chimps with shotguns
    Tony Woodlief “Voting is a universal right.” This wisdom from Victor Sanchez, president of the United States Student Association, explaining his efforts to get more college students to vote. Mr. Sanchez is himself a recent college graduate, and a fine illustration of why marching columns of students to the polls is not inherently virtuous. A vote cast in ignorance,...
    by at March 18th, 2012 at 10:03 pm
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    Listing
    Tony Woodlief If you were to write down the names of everyone you trust — truly trust — what size paper would you need? I needed the back of a receipt. There are ten names on this scrap of paper. Ten people I know would never share any of my confidences, never twist the personal things of my life into malicious gossip — or worse, that pseudo-prayerful gossip which...
    by at March 11th, 2012 at 11:03 pm
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    The Art of Disappointment
    Tony Woodlief Years ago I took the wrong cab and got yelled at. An angry-looking little businessman scurried over and rapped his knuckles on the window as I got in. “Hey!” he shouted. “That’s my cab!” He pointed his finger at me. “Did you call for a cab?” I told him I had, and then he asked the driver the name of the person to be picked up, and the driver...
    by at March 4th, 2012 at 08:03 am
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    A boy grows
    Tony Woodlief Yesterday was Stephen Caleb’s birthday. He’s twelve, and there are now only 364 days between him and the onset of teenagerism, which I associate — at least among American kids — with sloth and self-indulgence, ignorance and idiocy and all-around brain malfunction, the latter now being scientifically proven at last. All of us pack animals, and perhaps...
    by at February 20th, 2012 at 08:02 am
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    On the vice of chimps with shotguns
    Tony Woodlief “Voting is a universal right.” This wisdom from Victor Sanchez, president of the United States Student Association, explaining his efforts to get more college students to vote. Mr. Sanchez is himself a recent college graduate, and a fine illustration of why marching columns of students to the polls is not inherently virtuous. A vote cast in ignorance,...
    by at February 12th, 2012 at 01:02 pm
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    More than bread
    Tony Woodlief When we don’t think we can control some things we take charge of what we can. This is why the functionary fastidiously maintains a constant distance between his stapler and his tape dispenser, and why the abused child has a ritual for pajamas and tooth-brushing and curling up tight that he enacts like the body’s incantation against a doorknob turned in...
    by at February 6th, 2012 at 11:02 am
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    On Conservatives as Rapists
    Tony Woodlief It used to be required, of an intellectual seeking to hold forth on an idea, that he define his terms. Words are slippery things, after all. But then so are intellectuals, and perhaps this is why they often play faster and looser with terms than a backwoods car salesman. Corey Robin doesn’t have a car to sell, and if he can’t afford one, I suspect he...
    by at January 29th, 2012 at 12:01 pm
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    Lessons
    Tony Woodlief “Dad,” asks Isaac, “do you think it was disrespectful of you to leave the music playing while we prayed?” “I guess so. I’m sorry. God will forgive me.” I notice the boy is wearing a big triangular colonial soldier hat. “Do you think it was disrespectful for you to wear that hat while we prayed?” Isaac thinks for a moment. Frowns. “Yeah.”...
    by at December 5th, 2011 at 06:12 am
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    The New Boy Scout
    Tony Woodlief The thing with my 11 year-old Caleb joining Boy Scouts is that finally I can learn how to tie a sheepshank knot, and start a fire using only a fork and dental floss, and how to evade bears, and all the other stuff that I never learned how to do, never having been a Scout myself. My truck was filled with great excitement as we went to his first  meeting....
    by at November 14th, 2011 at 07:11 am
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    Death-Defying
    Tony Woodlief My eleven year-old, Caleb, asked me one afternoon if he’d ever cheated death. Caleb likes adventure books. He believes that even though people in Kansas don’t talk the way Johann Wyss and Jules Verne wrote, phrasings like “death-defying feat” and “brave young hero” are common parlance. I remember when that ended for me. It was third grade, when...
    by at November 6th, 2011 at 11:11 am
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