B.C., A.D. and C.V.?

Laugh Tracks in the Dust


I think we humans are going to have to modernize the way we measure the history of time. Sound confusing? Let me explain: Up to the present, humans have measured history as years designated B.C. (roughly all years before the time of Christ’s birth), and A.D. (roughly all years after the time of His death).

Those designations worked as well as anything up until last year when the novel Coronavirus 19 pandemic hit the globe. Covid has so changed our world that I think it makes sense, and adds accuracy, to establish a new history measurement — C. V. — Corona Virus. It would designate from now until the end of time that it all happened post coronavirus.

Last year should be designated 1 C.V. And this year 2 C.V. And next year 3 C.V. That measurement of years is accurate and shorter. Plus, just think of all the time saved in writing and printing dates?

Some disease must have hit the cottontail rabbit population since last summer. During the halcyon days of summer, I had lots of adult and baby rabbits here at Damphewmore Acres. But now? Nada! Nuthin!

My good buddy Avery Ware and I have hunted his two Beagle hounds — Casper and Mistletoe — three times in the past week. Once here, and other two places with habitat that looked perfect for rabbits, too. Alas, the hounds and us have yet to kick up a rabbit to chase.

We don’t even want to hunt the rabbits. All we want is to enjoy listening to the Beagles baying on a hot trail.

I’m blaming the absence of bunnies on Mother Nature’s regular thinning of the rabbit population with some kind of disease like rabbit fever. Oh, well, at least our rabbit hunting exercise got the Beagles and us some needed outdoors exercise.

One interesting thing happened right after we finished running the dogs. One of the farmers who gave us permission to hunt gave Avery a call inquiring if he’d lost one of his dogs. The farmer said that a hungry Beagle, without a collar, had showed up at his farmstead not long after we left.

Avery assured him that both of his Beagles were safe in their kennel. Well, the next day, we found out that the farmer had reported the lost Beagle to the sheriffs in Lyon and Chase counties and that the dog’s owner had claimed the dog amid a happy reunion between owner and dog. It turns out that the owner wuz hunting his pack of Beagles just north of Olpe, KS, two days before and that one dog had gotten lost.

We figgered from the location the Beagle got lost to where it wuz found is approximately 20 miles. That’s a long way for a lost dog to roam. It’s a wonder the coyotes hadn’t found the dog and killed it. But, at least, that Beagle story has a happy ending.

It seems that everyone is up in arms about the order of folks who will get a shot in the arm with some type of CV vaccine. The powers that be have determined that health care workers, emergency responders, and other essential workers will get the CV shot first.
On first blush, that seems like a reasonable policy. But, upon contemplation, perhaps it ain’t the smartest thing to do. What if the vaccine shot doesn’t work as anticipated and the health care and essential workers with the shots end up with a negative response — they get sicker, faster? That would put the entire population at risk of facing the pandemic with fewer health care workers.

Upon further contemplation, to me it makes more sense to give the first exploratory “canary in the mine” CV shots to all the politicians in Washington, D.C. who have been running our country so “astutely” during the pandemic.

If we put politicians at the top of the CV shot list and the vaccine shots weren’t effective, we haven’t lost much. Who’d miss ‘em? And, the medicos and other “true heroes” are still able to provide care and service for the rest of us.

My friend, Willie Jay, from Mt. Vernon, Mo., sent me an email with a list of aphorisms. An aphorism is a statement of truth or opinion expressed in a concise
and witty manner. An example: “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” Here are others that hopefully brighten your day:

• I read that 4,153,237 people got married last year. Not to cause any
trouble, but shouldn’t that be an even number?
• I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for
freedom until they are flashing behind you.
• When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body. Men are so
polite they only look at the covered parts.
• You know that tingly little feeling you get when you love someone?
That’s your common sense leaving your body.
• Therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.
• If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive, try missing a couple
of payments.
• And, the wise closer for the week: “Money talks … but all mine ever says is good-bye.” Have a good ‘un.


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