Booby-Trapped

Riding Hard

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The feds came out with a list of rules that protect wolves but make living in the West like walking through a mine-field. The feds have now placed booby-traps everywhere in the West that are meant to trap people like you, so I’d watch my step if I were you.

It’s become very dangerous to tread anywhere on the 46% of the eleven western-most contiguous states that is public land owned by the U.S. government. For example, a person may NOT kill a wolf in the act of killing livestock on public land. If you do you’re facing serious prison time and legal bills up the wazoo. If you are one of those people who believe in the three S’s, as in shoot, shovel and shut up, be sure to bury the carcass on your neighbor’s property so he or she will be the one being someone’s girl friend in prison.

These new rules make it harder for urban dwellers too, not just ranchers. Suppose you live in a big city and take Fifi, your Poodle, for its daily walk in a park that, unbeknownst to you, is public property. And suppose a wolf jumps out of the weeds and starts killing and eating your beloved Poodle. And suppose you pick up a branch and start trying to beat said wolf so he’d stop munching on Fifi. Well, you’re going to be cell mates with the rancher because you can’t kill or injure a wolf in the act of injuring your pet.

As if to rub it in, you cannot go home and get your gun and go back to shoot the wolf now feeding on Fifi’s carcass. I’d think twice if I were you because it’s now illegal to kill a wolf on public property feeding on the dead carcass of an animal it murdered. You’re just supposed to stand there and watch the wolf tear and rip the meat from a dog that you loved dearly.

It is now illegal “to enter official enclosures or rendezvous sites where there is denning behavior.” Pardon me but I think you’d need a master’s degree in wildlife biology to be able to recognize “wolf rendezvous sites”. Are these rendezvous like mountain men and trappers traveled to 150 years ago or are they more like the rendezvous when a businessman cheats on his wife by meeting his secretary at some discreet hotel room? I think the feds should have given us some guidance here as to how to identify a wolf rendezvous site.

If you’re a public lands rancher you may not kill a wolf or harass a wolf just because it is hanging around your property. I think we should test this rule out by taking a few trapped wolves to Washington D.C. where they could hang out around the offices of Congresspeople. Just how long do you think it would be before they’d call out the combined might of all four major branches of the U.S. military to deal with said wolves. I bet you we’d have F-18 Hornets in the air, M1 Abram tanks on the ground and the U.S. Navy Seals trying to kill those wolves.

Here’s a government booby trap that could catch a lot of people: You cannot shoot a wolf just because you thought it was a coyote or something else. I bet I could select three photos, one each of a large dog, a coyote and a wolf and the experts at the Fish and Game Department couldn’t tell them apart. I’d advise you to find out if the bus stop where the bus picks up your little Billy and Vanessa is on public land. If it is DO NOT shoot the wolf that is deciding who to eat first, your son or your daughter. Just remember… to be safe DO NOT KILL OR INJURE A WOLF. PERIOD!

Don’t forget, the only time you can legally kill a wolf for killing your livestock is if it’s on tribal or private property. But I wonder what happens if you only wound the wolf on private property who then goes on public land to die?

These new rules are loaded with such booby-traps, just make sure you don’t get caught in one or you’ll be on the evening news doing the perp walk, dreading your first blind date in prison.

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