Laugh tracks in the dust

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     We’re experiencing “yo-yo” weather here in the Flint Hills this week. Temps have ranged from 8 above zero to a predicted high in the 60s tomorrow. The ponds are frozen over except around the edges where it’s thawed. Today it’s drizzling, but no runoff we could really use for the ponds and watersheds.

A few days it wuz just too cold to go hunting, but yesterday it warmed up enuf that ol’ Rollin Birdz and I went out and worked the dogs on a few of our quail. It wuz good fun and will surely provide some savory eating in a few days.

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The coyotes have discovered my chicken flock again and they harvested at least one of my hens. Seems they never catch a rooster which would not be much of a loss. I’m keeping a sharp eye out for them and one of these cold mornings the wily culprit will make a fatal mistake.

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I found out last week that the harvest of this year’s natural abundance was not over. My neighbor, ol’ C. Faren Wyde, Jr., has a bunch of persimmon trees in his sheep pasture that are loaded with ripe, scrumptious fruit. I picked a bunch for myself and we Old Boar’s ate a bunch to top off our breakfast this week at the Saffordville School.

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Ol’ Canby Handy, my Missouri buddy, tells a funny true story about his 3 1/2 year old grandson. The kid accompanied his dad to a sheep farm last week to pick up a new ram for the flock.

Dad and son had scarcely unloaded the ram until the new arrival ran to a receptive ewe and went through the process of creating a new lamb.

The excited youngster eagerly said, “Look, daddy, the sheep are playing piggyback.”

Leave it to a youngster to cut to the chase.

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I’ve got a neighbor, ol’ Savin Ashes, who is a volunteer rural firefighter in our community.

I wuz visiting with him the other day and the conversation turned to a majestic old wooden barn, held together by wooden pegs, that burned down years before I moved to the Flint Hills.

Savin said that by the time the rural firefighters arrived on the scene of the burning  barn, it wuz much too late to save the structure, so the fire crew just stayed on the scene to keep the fire from spreading to other buildings at the farmstead.

When the fire burned down and the crew prepared to leave, one elder volunteer nudged Savin in the ribs and said, “Well, our record is still intact. We’ve never lost a foundation.”

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I told you last week about the unfortunate recent happenings to my friend, ol’ R. R. Mann. Well, this week I found out about another bad deal that happened to R. R. some months back.

It involved a family dog that is petrified of electrical storms. Well, during the last big thunderstorm (it seems eons ago), that poor dog had a conniption fit and tried to run through the front screen door — and ruined the screen.

But, worse, when the door escape didn’t work, the fluffy family friend tried to escape through a window screen. That didn’t work either, but it did ruin the window screen, too.

Maybe R. R. better consider plywood on his windows and doors during any future thunderstorms.

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Here’s a cute story. A farmer in his 30s brings his best friend home, unannounced, for supper at 6:30 pm. 

His wife screams her head off while his friend sits open mouthed and listens to the tirade … “My bloody hair and makeup are not done. The house is a mess because I’ve been canning. Two day’s of dishes are stacked in the kitchen sink. I’m wearing my sweats with the big holes in them. I can’t be bothered with cooking tonight! Why did you bring him home unannounced, you stupid idiot?”

Her long-suffering hubby replies smoothly, “Because he’s thinking of getting married.”

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Folks, the news this week convinced me that I’m in the wrong bizness. I write for a mere pittance, but if I’d only been fortunate enuf to be a government consultant, I could have raked in more than $5-million like MIT’s Prof. Gruber did for conjuring up a government-run health care system for us “stupid” voters.

Heck, just to be patriotic and save on the national debt, I’d consult with the government on better ways to run its agricultural programs for a mere $1-million — and my suggestions wouldn’t have to be very good to be better than Mr. Gruber’s (I pronounce his name Grubber, by the way — as in money.).

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Might as well sign-off this week with some wise words about consulting Arnold H. Glasow said, “A consultant is someone who saves his client almost enough to pay his fee.” If only that were true of consultants for the government. Have a good ‘un.

 

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