Weather forecasts for scorching hot, dry weather into future weeks, plus the knowledge that you have to get a 79-year-old tooth yanked, tends to put a damper on a week before it gets started.
Well, that’s what happened to me. The weatherperson was correct on her forecasts, and I’ve had the impending tooth yanking hanging over my head like the sword of Damocles for the past three weeks.
As of this writing, I can say the weather is still hot and humid, but the defective, decrepit molar is gone — replaced by an irritating gap in my teeth that’s hard to keep my tongue out of.
But, I’m glad the deed is done and I’m on the mend. Oh, when my dentist, ol’ Doc Polk N. Prodd asked me if I wanted to take the extracted tooth home with me, I said, “Sure. Some smart person in 1,000 years will want to extract some tooth DNA from it and clone me.”
So, Doc put the tooth into a cute little tooth-shaped plastic container and it’s now residing in a dresser drawer alongside a toothy friend pulled three years ago.
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For some rural folks, getting their hay put up for the winter is a major deal. But, not for me. The only reason I have hay put up at all is for my chicken flock to scratch in and eat grain during the winter — and then put all the loose hay into my compost piles.
I need all of three big round bales to get me through the winter. So, I start the process in the fall by planting plots of wheat or rye and a legume mix. Then, in the spring, I plant oats in some plots.
My good neighbor, ol’ Rap Pittup, is good about putting up my hay in big round bales on the shares. I take my three bales from my grain plots and Rap gets the rest of my native grass hay for his trouble.
This year’s hay crop consisted of 11 big round bales — three for me and eight for Rap. It’s a good arrangement for both of us.
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Rural sheriffs and their deputies, if they stay on the job long enuf, eventually take vehicle accident statements from drivers whose grasp of the English language comes up far short of competence.
Not long ago, I stumbled onto the following actual written auto/truck accident statements taken from insurance forms where car drivers tried to summarize accident details in as few words as possible. These statements are reportedly true, of which I have some doubts. But, they are humorous all the same. Here they are:
• I drove into the wrong house. Collided with a tree I don’t have.
• The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intent.
• In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
• I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. When I reached an intersection, a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.
• I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
• I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.
• My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.
• As I approached the intersection, a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no sign had ever appeared before, making me unable to avoid the accident.
• I told the police I was not injured, but upon removing my hair, I found that I had a fractured skull.
• I saw a slow, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car.
• Cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.
• I was thrown from my car as it left the road, and was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.
• A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
• I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when I put my head through it.
• The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
• The pedestrian had no idea which way to run, so I ran over him.
• An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.
• A truck backed through my windshield into my wife’s face.
• I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment.
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The statements above are not words of wisdom. But, for this week, here are a few words that are: “No job is so simple that it can’t be done wrong!”
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Don’t melt. Stay cool and have a good ‘un.
