“He was so learned that he could name a horse in nine languages; so ignorant that he bought a cow to ride on.” Anonymous
I refuse to call anyone a Doctor who does not use a stethoscope and an investment banker on a daily basis. If a Doctor doesn’t instruct his patients to say “ahh,” or “cough”, he’s not a Doctor in my book.
I’ve always been intrigued by the fact that we refer to university professors as “Doctors” and that we invite them to conferences to air their lungs on the subject of how we should run our ranches. Although I’ve yet to meet one that could cut a lame cow from the shade of a tree. We often give these professors grants so they can tell us how to make our cattle bigger in order to sell them for less.
You know what gangsters did to guys who knew too much don’t you?
What got my dander up was a speech by one of these professors who showed up in a three-piece-suit and a newly purchased, never-shaped cowboy hat that looked like it had never seen the sun shine. His “research” called for two things. “As cattlemen we must form strategic alliances and become low cost producers,” the professor preached.
Well, I’m no PhD but don’t you think I would have strategically aligned myself with the Rockefeller family, Warren Buffet or Exxon if given the opportunity? As for cutting our costs I went right home and canceled our around-the-world-cruise.
I’m kidding, of course. My wife reminds me constantly that our last vacation was in 1972. And even it was in conjunction with a bull-buying trip.
While listening to the professor’s speech I was reminded of a story told about Waldo Haythorn. The Haythorn family makes their home in the Sandhills of Nebraska and it is home to one of the largest herds of Quarter Horses in America. (If not the largest.) Good ones they are too!
Waldo Haythorn was the patriarch of the family and was a horseman from his boot heels to the top of his cowboy hat. Waldo recalled the time he was invited to speak on a panel at Cornell University. He was joined by three eastern PhDs, which in this instance stood for “Piled Higher and Deeper.”
And I’m not referring to the hay the horses ate but rather what came out their other end.
“What’s the youngest you ever saw a filly get bred, Mr Haythorn?” asked one of the professors on the panel.
“Six months of age,” replied Waldo. “The filly got bred while still sucking her mother.”
Another of the eastern professors scoffed and contested Waldo’s answer, coming close to calling him a liar. “That is simply not possible,” he said.
Waldo was then asked about breeding a mare during the “foal heat” which occurs nine days after foaling. Waldo replied, “This is a very good time to breed a mare and usually results in conception.”
“Well, obviously you must have a great deal of problem with infection,” said another one of the cocky eastern panelists.
“No, a lot of the time I don’t see our colts until they are two or three weeks old and we don’t have any problem with infection,” insisted Waldo.
Again his answer was disputed by a Cornell professor. “Obviously you have a lot of trouble with retained placentas.”
Waldo shook his head no, getting quite disgusted with the PhD’s. Finally losing his patience Waldo turned to them and said, ”Sirs, I’m sorry I am not a highly educated man, but out where I come from there’s a lot of green grass and good water and what I have told you is true. But unfortunately, God did not go to Cornell University.”
I heard Waldo got a standing O!
