I admire many things about the first Americans. The Indians followed many practices that I think we should adopt, such as the way they named themselves. It was both colorful and practical.
In the old days when you heard an Indian’s name you knew something about that person. For example you just know that if Touch the Clouds were alive today he’d be playing center for the Chicago Bulls. If you had to pick Big Belly out of a crowd as he got off the airplane you’d have a good chance and Pain In the Face was probably not too pretty.
Today when you meet someone named Richard, Mary or Samantha does it tell you anything about that person? Of course not. But that was not the case with Indian names such as Wooden Leg, Hairy Moccasin, Big Foot, Two Hatchet or White Man Runs Him. Upon first meeting Buffalo Woman you’d know that she was not too good to look at but she’d keep you warm at night. And you’d never think of saying anything insulting when introduced to Bloody Knife or Long Sword. An Indian’s name meant something. Pontiac was named after an Indian and Tecumseh was also named after a Native American.
Indian parents didn’t choose their kid’s name out of a baby book even before they knew how the child would turn out. An Indian had to earn their name. Often times it was because of something they wore such as Black Shawl, Stripes On Dress or one of my favorites, She That Has Four Robes (Sitting Bull’s fourth wife).
It appeals to me that just because you were given a name at birth didn’t mean you had to keep it. Cochise as a kid was called One Who Yawns. Not a great name for a chief. Sitting Bull was first named Returns Again. When he had a child he named it Slow. Only later when the son proved himself in battle was he allowed to take his father’s name, Sitting Bull.
Indian names often told stories. A Cheyenne brave came riding into camp one day riding a mule and
thus became Crazy Mule. I’d love to know the story behind an Indian whose name was Particular Time Of Day or Bear That Scatters Enemies.
There was no organization to names either. You could use one word or several and there were no Juniors or Roman Numerals. I’ll bet you didn’t know that the brave who killed Custer was named simply Rain. Sitting Bull, Lone Bull and Jumping Bull were not even related even though they shared the same last name. I wish the Indians would have stuck with their system instead of trying to adapt it to ours. Henry Oscar One Bull just doesn’t sound right.
I think it would be a great practice to name our leaders of today the way the Indians did. In fact, there are plenty of old Indian names that would fit our leaders such as Low Dog, Cold Turkey, Two Faces, Moon Face, Walks Above the Earth, Crooked Mouth and Bull Head. When you met one of them for the first time you’d know that you were dealing with a politician.
Toying with the concept I came up with a few suggestions for some of today’s personalities in the news. Donald Trump could be Orange Hair, Hillary Clinton would be Big Pants (short for She Who Wears Pants In Family). Al Gore would be simply Head in Ozone.
In the old days Ross Perot would have been Big Ears,, Ted Turner’s new moniker would have been Buffalo Breath and I always did like the name Hanoi Jane for his ex-wife. Ted Kennedy would have been Him That Swim Good and Jeff Bezos of Amazon fame who has been pushing fake meat would henceforth be known as Tofu For Brains.
On a personal basis I would call myself Writing Rider. Catchy don’t you think? It sure would have made my life easier than having a name like Pitts.
