I’ve been at this column writing bizness long enuf to realize that wisdom can come from anywhere. Similarly, humor can come from any source, too. And, frequently, both wisdom and humor can emerge from the same place — even a nonsensical place. This little story contains both.
A big brash bullfrog “harrumphed” so often and loudly from atop his big lily pad in the shallow waters of a rural pond that he soon discovered that he wuz surrounded by a hoard of big ol’ hungry-looking snapping turtles.
Sizing up his self-made situation, he realized he could safely stay where he was, but the sun wuz beginning to get too warm, or he could try for an escape to the shade on the bank. “The problem,” he croaked aloud, “is that I can’t hop far enough to clear the snapper jaws and safely reach the next lily pad.”
That’s when the bullfrog heard a voice from above, “Why don’t you just take off and fly? Looking up he saw the voice came from another resident around the pond — a wise old owl who wuz observing the situation below from the crotch of a tree on the bank. “Just fly to the next pad,” advised the owl.
The bullfrog strategized about the owl’s advice and decided that the wisdom of the owl trumped his own doubts in his abilities. So, he hopped two times atop his lily pad to gain some momentum for a mighty leap, lifted off, flapped his legs together and promptly landed amidst the ravenous snapping turtles..
As the turtles started closing in on him jaws a’snapping, the bullfrog croaked loudly, “Stupid owl! He knows that frogs can’t fly!”
Overhearing the bullfrog’s lament, the owl retorted, “I just deal in advice, not implementation.”
And, the wisdom of this little fanciful story is this. The bullfrog took advice from a so-called wise source just like so many folks in rural America took so-called wise advice that the way to a better life wuz to go deep into debt and get bigger and bigger.
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A farm couple bought a farm and moved into their new farmhouse. Being new to the community, they naturally were not acquainted with all the folks who lived near them.
Sadly, within a few weeks, the couple’s long-time canine companion, an aged Golden Labrador, got run over on the gravel road in front of their home. The wife wuz so grieved by her pet’s death that she determined the dog deserved a proper funeral.
So, she made an appointment with the local priest in her parish and told him she wanted him to arrange a funeral.
“What was the deceased’s name?” the priest asked.
“Brandy,” the lady replied.
“That’s an unusual name,”the priest observed.
“Not for a Golden Lab,” she explained.
“Oh, so Brandy was a dog? We don’t do funerals for dogs! Only parish residents,” the priest tartly replied.
“But she was my lifelong companion. My friend!” the farm lady lamented.
“We don’t do funerals for dogs,” the priest bluntly said.
Well, who in this community does?” she inquired.
“I don’t know. Try the Baptist church down the street,” suggested the priest.
“I will,” the lady retorted belligerently. “Brandy will have a proper funeral even if it costs me $10,000.”
“Oh, you mean your dear Brandy was a Catholic?” Well, why didn’t you mention that in the first place,” the priest responded, offering the farm lady a seat.
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For decades the Europeans have held tightly to their concern about gene-edited foods. But that concern seems to be softening in England. I read last week that British crop breeders have developed a genetically-modified barley intended to be fed to cattle to make them grow fatter more quickly. It’s claimed the new barley will produce juicier, more nutritious, steaks if it is given the legal go-ahead to become Britain’s first gene-edited crop.
It has been modified to have a single letter of DNA removed from two different genes to switch them off. No genes have been added to its DNA so it is not considered to be genetically modified. It’s claimed the barley will have around 3 per cent higher lipid content which will reduce the time it takes for farmers to raise animals for slaughter and increase the amount of milk and meat they produce to make the industry more profitable. It’s claimed the gene-edited barley will be able to cut the methane a cow produces by up to 15%. The two genetic tweaks to the barley are believed to alter the gut bacteria in cows’ stomachs and reduce the amount of methane-generating microbes, cutting the cows’ emissions.
The breeders are also working on applying the same two gene edits to rye grass to create pastures and meadows which are lipid-rich and calorie-dense. It’s hoped the modified grass could be grazed by cows, sheep, horses and goats to fatten them up and cut methane emissions.
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In case you don’t know it yet, you can now buy a refrigerator for your kitchen that has a lighted display built into the front of its door. Among all the things the fridge door can display for you is commercial advertising. Oh, joy! Just what we need. More invasion of our privacy.
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Wise words for this week: “Old beds are perfect for antique lovers.” Have a good ‘un.
