Written by my little sister Joan Humphrey
of Alaska

The burial. They had a graveside service for which I could only stay 10 minutes as I had to be back to work. Lori and the boys stayed for the whole thing so part of this is what Lori told me. They had three 3-4” diameter poles laying across the open grave—one cottonwood and 2 birch. They set the coffin on the poles with his feet to the east and got the new yellow ropes in place to lower him later. I noticed that everyone else buried in that section has their feet to the south, so I hope we don’t have to “dig up Henry” at some point and turn him around—another good story, Dawn!!!
They read a few scriptures and then had the color guard do their ceremony with the flag unfolding and on and off of his coffin, etc., and then Taps was played from a distance. That’s when I had to leave and go back to work. Like I said, Lori (Joan’s daughter) and the boys stayed and reported that they had trouble getting the homemade wooden (equivalent of a) vault in place. It was either too short or going down at the wrong angle or something. Anyway, they finally got that in place, and his son David put the first shovelful of dirt in, and then others were offered the opportunity to put a shovelful—a few people did.
Then they brought shovels full of dirt around for people to take a handful and put in. Lori and Jonathan did but David did not want to—he was uncomfortable with the whole thing. They had about 6 men who finished the job and mounded up the dirt on the grave. There were only about 3 flower arrangements which I think is typical. They spend their money on the potlatch instead.
The potlatch was at 6 PM. The Native people are allowed to shoot a moose out of season for potlatches. They did not have any luck at the first part of the week so they sent out 3 hunting parties and, would you know, they got 3 moose, so there was food galore!!! They also had ducks and a ham which they bought but asked me to cook. They had lots of potato salad, macaroni salad, breads, and lots of desserts too. They don’t have enough tables for everyone to sit at, so they line up chairs facing each other, and the food is all served to you. The family and elders get to sit at the tables, and I was asked to sit with the family, which is a great honor.
They bring the food around and you are not asked if you want it or not, they just put it on your plate. It is rude to refuse anything they bring and maybe bad luck too; I’ll have to find that out. Anyway, you have your plate so piled up that it’s just overwhelming. You’re not expected to eat it all, but you have to take it with you. They have gallon size Ziplock bags, foil, and a plastic carry bag under your plate to accommodate that. All of the food has to be eaten or taken away, so nothing is wasted. I had enough food to feed myself for the rest of the weekend. Their tradition is that if the food (in particular the moose) is wasted they won’t be able to get a moose the next time they hunt since they believe the moose willingly gives his spirit/body for the occasion.
They ate first and then had more opportunities for people to tell stories and share memories of Henry. Then they had Indian songs, dancing, and games. The songs all tell a story, but they are in their language, so we did not know that they were saying. Lori, the kids, and I joined in for the last dance which at some point (I think, signaled by the drummer) erupted into a tug of war and ended with a candy toss for the kids.
The very last thing was what they call the “give away.” I think the tradition started with giving away the deceased person’s belongings, but it has become much more than that now with all new stuff being given away. I think the gifts are either donated by friends and family or bought with donated money. The more expensive gifts went to the people who had hunted the moose and helped out the most in other ways.
There were probably 5-6 rifles, rifle cases, many knives, work gloves, about 30 blankets, 4-5 sleeping bags, lots of Indian jewelry, kitchen stuff, and the list goes on. Lori and I each got a blanket and a piece of material, plus some socks and jewelry. I forgot to mention about the material and the tug of war—they had about 6 whole bolts of colorful materials which they unroll, and the dance starts out with everyone walking/dancing in a circle holding onto the material—the ends of the materials are overlapped to make one continuous run of material.
Then afterward it is cut into about 2-yard pieces and given away. It all ended around 11:30 PM, and everyone was exhausted. I stayed to help clean up the kitchen as make sure all the food was taken care of. They gave some to the neighboring bingo hall and the rest either went home with people or was given to the soup kitchen the next day.
Sorry, this became so long…. I hope I did not forget any important details. It was quite an ordeal and lots less expensive and much more fun than our funerals, for sure. My favorite part was Henry going away in the red pickup truck with the dent in the tailgate. By the way, Mama really liked Henry and Velma. They invited us to a powwow when Mama was here one time, and Henry invited Mama onto the dance floor, and she danced. It’s basically just walking in a circle with others (somewhat at least) to the beat of the drum. But Mama talked about that a lot—that she actually danced at a powwow with Henry….
“He snuck out on me again.” P.S. I thought of something else. The next day, before Velma went back to Anchorage, she came over to visit me. As we were talking, I asked how it was at the very end for Henry. She said the nurse said he went peacefully, but she was asleep at the time.
She said she knew “something was going to happen” that night, but she was so exhausted that she just could not stay awake even though she tried really hard. She woke up when she heard the nurses in the room. Her comment was that “He snuck out on me again,” and then she explained that that was his routine. He would wait until she was asleep at night and sneak out to go drinking. So, at least she could laugh and say, “He snuck out on me again.”

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