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Ag census surprise

By
Milo Yield
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Thayne Cozart
Milo Yield

I know how much ag folks detest having to divulge so much personal and economic information to rural census takers. However, the ultimate finished national Census of Agriculture does provide a lot of useful information about rural America, even though it’s a pain in the backside on a personal level.

On occasion, however, something funny or surprising happens to rural census takers. Here’s one such humorous census happening.

***

A census taker in a rural area, ol’ Tally M. Hall, went up to the front door to a rural farmhouse and knocked.

When the farm wife came to the door, Tally explained the purpose of his visit, and then proceeded down his list of questions for the information he wuz instructed to gather.

Finally, he got to getting a family head count. So, Tally asked the farm wife how many children she had and their ages.

The farm wife started out, “Well, let’s see now, there’s the fraternal twins, Sally and Billy, they’re 18. And the other fraternal twins, Seth & Beth, they’re 15. And there’s the identical twin sisters Penny and Jenny. They’re 13. And then there’s the youngest identical twins, Nettie and Bettie, they’re 10.”

“Hold on a second,” Tally interrupted, “That’s amazing. Did y’all get twins every time?”

The farm wife thought for a moment and then replied, “Heck, no, I reckon there were hundreds of times we didn’t get nothin’.”

***

This is the time of the year when ranchers have a lot of “chute work” getting cows and calves vaccinated, bull calves castrated, all calves ear tagged, cows pregnancy checked, and cow-calf pairs hauled or driven to pastures. Often a local veterinarian is employed to help with the chute work.

Well, in this story, the veterinarian wuz Dr. C. Lange Itshutt, and he stationed himself at the head-gate of the electric squeeze chute. Then, after he’d loudly catch a cow in the chute, he’d head for the rear of the chute to preg check the cow.

Well, the process wuz running smoothly until the rancher called out to Lange, “Here comes ol’ Lightning. Watch out for her.”

The cow hit the head-gate and rattled it loudly, and Lange called out to the rancher, “Why did you name this cow Lightning?”

“Well,” the rancher replied, “we used to call her Daisy ’til we tried to get her calf to suck last spring. Then we changed it to Lightning. She never strikes in the same place twice.”

Back in the day, I’ve handled a few cows like ol’ Lightning.

***

A farmer told his neighbor about a huge fight he and his wife had gone through the night before.

“How’d that turn out for you?” the neighbor inquired caustically.

“She came crawling to me on her hand and knees,” the farmer replied.

“What did she say to you? Did she apologize?” the neighbor persisted.

“Nope, She said, ‘Come out from under the bed, you little coward,'” the farmer replied sheepishly.

***

June is the month known for weddings. So, this rural wedding story is timely and appropriate. I’m told it happened close to Prairie Grove, Arkansas, but I have my doubts about its veracity. Regardless, here’s the story.

Toward the end of school in May, a third grader in a rural elementary school told his teacher that his big brother wuz going to get married in June and that he wuz gonna be the ring-bearer.

So, his teacher thought it might be a good time to have some class interaction about weddings. So, she asked her Grade 3 class, “How many wives should a man have?”

All the kids, but one, put up their hands and answered “one.”

The teacher noticed one boy who didn’t put up his hand and asked. “Do you have a different answer.”

“Yep,” the kid replied. “It’s 16.”

“That’s an unusual number. How do you figure that?” asked the teacher.

“Well,” the kid replied, “I was at my cousin’s wedding just a week ago and the minister said to my cousin as he looked at his bride: ‘4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer.'”

***

The other day at the daily Old Geezer Gathering and Gossip Group’s afternoon

Gabfest, one guy ruminated, “My grass needs mowing. But, I can’t decide whether to go home and cut it or go home and take a nap. I think I’ll mow my lawn.”

That’s when I sagely replied, “You know, the grass you don’t mow today will still be there to mow tomorrow, but the nap you don’t take today will not be there to take tomorrow.”

I think those words are profound enuf to end this column with.

Have a good ‘un.

Taking The Fun Out Of Ranching

By
Lee Pitts
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lee pitts

All this modern technology stuff sure has taken all the fun out of ranching. With these fancy hydraulic squeeze chutes it’s nearly impossible to have a bull get his head caught in the headgate that wasn’t shut all the way so the bull’s body is out of the chute with only his head caught so some idiot (usually me) has to volunteer to dodge the bull to get to the head gate release so the bull can escape so he can then put the volunteer in the hospital.

When the vet comes to preg check he doesn’t get his elbow slammed into the tail gate any more and no one gets conked in the head. And remember all those hilarious times when you were preg checking and someone might accidentally on purpose open the head gate a little early so the cow leaves the chute with the vet’s arm fully engaged in the cow while all the crew is laughing their butts off.

One reason I got in this business was because I love riding horses but now with all these fancy ATV’s many cowboys have sacked their saddles in favor of these golf carts on steroids. Heck, cowboys might as well join the PGA or the Hell’s Angels if all they want to do is ride a glorified motorcycle.

And PLEASE stop it with all this drone stuff. They’re able to check the water, the fences and the exact location of every cow on the place all while the cowboy geek sits in the comfort of the bunkhouse in his bunny slippers and his velour bathrobe. I even heard there’s research being done to use a drone that sounds like a bee enabling it to gather the herd without a single cowboy! Personally, I’d rather have a colonoscopy than become a computer cowboy.

Now this virtual fencing means that no one will smash their thumb or get tied up in barb wire any more. Ranchers won’t need cowboys, they’ll hire electricians instead.

Some of the best fun in my life was attending auction markets to buy cattle. I’d get to see all my friends, eat at the auction market cafe and then bid on cattle, which I always thought was more fun than a birthday bounce house. Now a lot of those cattle are bypassing the auction market and selling “on the video”. I was the announcer for 20 years for a video company so I get it… there are many advantages. But you don’t get to stare down the contending bidder or try to intimidate the auctioneer with a snarl that has taken decades to perfect.

Boring people have done the same thing with bull sales and all this EPD stuff so now everyone knows which are the best bulls. You go to a bull sale these days and hardly anyone is in the pens looking at the bulls. Heck, there may not even be any bulls to look at with photos on a screen replacing the real thing so now nobody who sits on the front row gets doused with manure. No bulls get on the auction block with the auctioneer and no bulls escape, knock over the bleachers and get out on the Interstate any more like they used to. (I’ve personally witnessed this twice and it never gets old.)
I’ve always believed, “The eye of the master fattens his cattle” but now a blind techie can find the best bulls armed only with a braille sire summary.

We’ve made our cattle so healthy I hardly ever get to wait two hours any more for my vet to show up. If you go to a branding so many ranchers are banding their bull calves so that you hardly ever have a good old fashioned Rocky Mountain Oyster pig out. It’s been decades since I’ve seen a guy cut off his finger by wrapping it in his dally or by using the castrating knife. So many ranchers are using ultrasound to test for pregnancy that I haven’t seen a vet get kicked in the face for years. It’s all about as much fun as an ulcerated tooth.

I haven’t seen a good old fashioned wreck in years and if this keeps up it’s gonna put cowboy poets and cowboy columnists out of business.

I tell ya, this may be progress but it sure ain’t fun.

Rabbits in the garden?

By
Guest Columnist
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0
K-State horticulture expert gives methods for effective protection.

Rabbits are a common invader of home gardens, especially when plants flower in spring. Kansas State University horticulture expert Cynthia Domenghini said there are many common-sense ways to keep the hungry critters out.

“This time of year, rabbits gravitate to young vegetables and flowers,” Domenghini said. “But there are some vegetables that are rarely bothered, including potatoes, tomatoes, corn, squash, cucumbers and some peppers.”

Cynthia Domenghini said some methods for keeping rabbits away include:

Fencing

Fencing is often the quickest and easiest method of control. Domenghini recommended the fence be at least two feet tall with a fine mesh of one inch or less. Fencing support can be provided by a variety of products, including electric fence posts. However, fencing may not be a viable choice based on the desired appearance of the garden.

Floating Row Cover

Floating row cover is a light woven material that can be placed over plants yet still allows light, water and air to come through.

“Though most often used to promote early growth by keeping plants warmer than normal, it can also help protect young plants from insects and wildlife,” Domenghini said.

Repellants

Although commonly suggested for rabbit control, repellants must be re-applied frequently. Some can also be poisonous and cannot be used on plants intended for human consumption, Domenghini warned.

Trapping

Domenghini said live traps are usually recommended when the rabbit can be moved to a rural area several miles away from where they were initially caught.

“A number of baits can be used to entice the rabbit to enter the trap, including a tightly rolled cabbage leaf held together by a toothpick. However, rabbits often avoid baits if other attractive food is available.”

Sprinkler

A motion-activated sprinkler can be attached to a garden hose, releasing a short burst of water upon motion. Domenghini suggests picking a product that advertises it can protect at least 1000 square feet: “Such products are available from Contech, Orbit and Havahart,” she said.

Domenghini and her colleagues in K-State’s Department of Horticulture and Natural Resources produce a weekly Horticulture Newsletter with tips for maintaining home landscapes and gardens. The newsletter is available to view online or can be delivered by email each week.

Interested persons can also send their garden and yard-related questions to Domenghini at [email protected], or contact your local K-State Research and Extension office.

Just a Little Light: Flying High at Ninety-five—What a Party!

By
Dawn Phelps
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0

Dawn Phelps
Columnist

 

Five small airplanes were parked on the grass at the home of “the birthday boy,” Ray Palmer, when my husband Tom and I arrived for his 95th birthday party on May 31st.  We, along with many others, were invited, and about 100 people attended!

Picnic tables were set up around the yard, and people were already seated and eating.  It was a beautiful, clear day, and a pleasant breeze was blowing.  We were soon directed toward a mobile cook trailer where employees were busy taking orders and preparing burgers and fries and such for those waiting in line.

We had been told there would be airplanes “flyovers” during the party, and the airplanes did not disappoint, and some flew right over our heads!  Prior to the party, I had been told that there were prior seventy-fifth and eighty-fifth birthday parties complete with airplanes showing off their “stuff.”

But my first connection with Ray was back in the 1980s, and it dealt with an old army-green Volvo car that was not nearly as flashy as the five shiny airplanes parked not far from Ray’s house.  Here’s the story.  Somehow, my first husband Ralph Thorn had become acquainted with Ray—probably through some of his relatives.  Anyway, Ray had told my husband that he would sell it to him for “five.”  

Now, my husband was not sure if Ray meant five thousand or what, but he knew five thousand was too much.  But maybe “five hundred?” 

But it turned out that Ray meant only “five dollars!”  Now that was a deal, and Ralph paid him the “five.”  And we were in for a treat!  During the first winter, my husband called it his “Sherman tank.”  That car was heavy and well built!  It would go through deep snow when nothing else would.

We drove it as our second car for many miles, then my daughter and her husband who were in college drove it for many more before the Volvo died a proud “death!”  So, that was our first connection with Ray—many miles and many years ago.

Now Ray is 95.  Sometimes Tom and I eat with Bobbie and Ray and other friends at the Kountry Kafe on Hamburger Night.  When we met them there this week, it was Ray’s actual birthday—June 3. 

We talked again about the old Volvo, about Ralph paying him “five” for the car, and laughed.  When I asked Ray about his life, here are a few things I found out.

He was born in Kansas on June 3, 1930.  He presently lives near Glasco, Kansas, with Bobbie—they’ve been together for about twenty-five years now.  He worked for Northern Gas Pipeline in Glasco about five years, and he has also worked in the Oklahoma Pan Handle, Mexico, and in Chicago for several years.  

He took an early retirement in 1957 but was again hired by Northern Gas in Glasco and worked for Koch Industries.  He retired a second time at the age of 80!  

I asked him when he began flying.  He said he said in 1972 at the age of 42.  He flew until he was 90 and one-half years old.  He seems to be in amazing physical shape—he does not take any medications!  

He quit flying when his insurance carrier raised his rates $4,000 per year.  He has since given up flying and has sold his plane, but he still has a pilot’s license at 95!  

Ray named a few places he has flown in his plane—Santa Fe, New Mexico; Salt Lake City, Utah; Key West, Florida; Albuquerque, New Mexico, and an island in the ocean, to name a few.  He described his life as being “fun.”  I asked him if he had any regrets, and he replied, “Not really.”  How many of us can say we have no regrets? 

He spoke about one scary experience that caught him off guard when he was flying near Moline, Illinois, when he was not warned that skydivers were jumping out of planes near where he was flying.  

He said that he just saw these “dark things” dropping downward from the sky where he was flying, and the tower had failed to inform him.  It must have been scary to think he could have hit people in their free-fall stage before their parachutes were opened!   

Another of Ray’s startling memories was from 9-11-2001.  On that day, Ray was flying his plane when the Twin Towers were struck in New York City.  He said all pilots were commanded to get their planes out of the air “immediately!”  He said he was near Concordia, Kansas, when he was told to land, so he was able to land at home.  

So, there’s your story of a birthday party for a lively, ninety-five-year-old.  And I believe he will probably be around five years from now for his big 100 years in 2030.

If so, I imagine, some of those same pilots will again arrive in their planes on Ray’s runway near his house for another celebration!  They will again be “flying high” to celebrate Ray’s one-hundred-year life!  Until then, happy birthday, Ray Palmer! 

[email protected]

Ray Palmer, age 95 years

 

Wedding Season is in Full Swing in the Community

By
tammiehoeme
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0

Wedding Season is in Full Swing in the Community

We have entered the month of June. Oh goodness I am actually getting nervous with the wedding of daughter Verena and Daniel Ray being in eighteen days. I have not done much grocery shopping yet. I am still working on my list. It takes a lot of brain work to figure out all the ingredients you need for making over one thousand meals for the wedding day. And of course it does not help being another year older. Haha

 I want to thank everyone for all the nice birthday wishes, cards, gifts, and etc. Also, a thank you to my precious children for their lovely tributes to me. I thank God for blessing me with children that are so thoughtful and show me such great love. It is not easy being a mother but I do the best I can. I remember my mother always saying that it takes a lot of prayers to raise a family. I fully understood what she meant not far into motherhood. I had a lovely birthday on May 22nd. Our whole family came in honor of my birthday on May 25th. They brought supper in so I didn’t have to cook. We had a delicious meal by the time everybody brought something. Nephew Ben and Crystal brought me a nice supply of radishes from their garden. I love those first radishes from the garden. I planted mine later this year so they aren’t ready yet.

Last night we were invited to niece Elizabeth and Manuel for supper. They invited all the church families back for supper as they hosted church services again. Two weeks ago they also hosted church services. We were also invited to go to Daniel Ray’s parents for supper. They also hosted church services at their house. 

Last week one afternoon and evening quite a few men from our church district gathered to put a fence up in daughter Loretta and Dustin’s field. They worked until the fences were all up and the gates all hung. This was greatly appreciated by Dustin and Loretta. They are quite busy raising three children all under age three. There is not a lot of extra time to do these jobs. 

Congratulations to our neighbor girl Marianna and Matthew. They had a nice wedding on May 23rd. We also attended the five o’clock meal at the wedding of Dave and Linda May 29th, Ascension Day. Congratulations to them as well. We have another wedding invitation yet on June 19th, the day before Verena and Daniel Ray’s wedding. It is another neighbor girl Loranna and Leon. I am doubtful that we will make it with Verena’s wedding the next day. We wish all three couples a long happy married life and with God as their guide.  

Tomorrow night we plan to attend the kindergarten graduation of grandson Timothy, TJ, son of daughter Elizabeth and Tim. Time has a way of slipping by. 

Saturday we have our family and Daniel Ray’s family coming to help prepare for the wedding. Lots of jobs should get done. The list includes cleaning the barns, power washing the house, trimming the fences, washing windows in the house and barn, and generally getting the barn cleaned so tables can be set the following Saturday.

We have had a lot of meals of asparagus this season fixed in many different ways. The season of asparagus is coming to an end. Next in season is strawberries. I would like to make strawberry freezer jam which is our favorite jam. 

My rhubarb plants are doing very good this year and I canned thirty-eight quarts of rhubarb juice last week. Enjoy!

RHUBARB JUICE 

8 pounds rhubarb, washed and diced

8 quarts water 

2 (12 ounce) cans frozen orange juice

2 (46 ounce) can of pineapple juice

4 cups sugar 

2 (3 ounce) packages strawberry gelatin

Combine rhubarb and water and cook until rhubarb is soft, about 25-30 minutes. Strain liquid into a large bowl or pot, discarding rhubarb. Add the orange juice, pineapple juice, sugar, and gelatin to the rhubarb juice. Stir until the sugar is dissolved. The juice may be frozen or canned. Makes around 12 quarts. 

To can it, I ladle the warm liquid into jars and place the jars into a water bath that is about the same temperature as the juice.  I bring the canner to a boil, cover it and process for 5 minutes.    I know others process it for up to 20 minutes.  I can the way my mom taught me and her mom before her.   It is probably good to check the USDA website for more detailed canning instructions.

Note- only use 1 can of pineapple juice and add an extra 3 ounces of strawberry gelatin.  After the juice is canned you can mix it with a clear pop to make a punch if you would like.

Lovina’s Amish Kitchen is written by Lovina Eicher, Old Order Amish writer, cook, wife, and mother of eight. Her three cookbooks, The Cherished Table, The Essential Amish Cookbook, and Amish Family Recipes, are available wherever books are sold. Readers can write to Eicher at Lovina’s Amish Kitchen, PO Box 234, Sturgis, MI 49091 (please include a self-addressed stamped envelope for a reply); or email [email protected] and your message will be passed on to her to read. She does not personally respond to emails.

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