Cell phones and smart phones have become absolutely necessary to many rural folks for them do their jobs or run their businesses.
One such person is ol’ Hawlin G. Raines — an independent, mostly day-trip trucker, who transports soybeans, corn, wheat and other agricultural commodities to various grain elevators and feedstuff manufacturers. He gets his jobs and coordinates all the times and delivery information via his smart phone.
Well, recently, he upgraded his phone to the newest expensive model. Everything wuz working well for him until one day when he delivered some soybeans to the grain dump at a nearby livestock ration formulator.
While Hawlin wuz dumping his load, something went wrong under his semi and he crawled under to fix the problem. While under his rig, he (of course) got a phone call that he answered by extracting his new phone from its holster.
When the call ended, he stuck the phone into his shirt pocket. But, while crawling out from under his rig, he hit his head and when he reflexively jerked back, he caught a glimpse of his expensive new smart phone eject from his shirt pocket, right into the flow of unloading soybeans, and in an instant disappear down into the murky depths of the dump chute.
Hawlin knew he wuz in a fix. He knew he couldn’t find his lost phone. So, he immediately went to the store where he bought his new phone because he knew he’d insured it. Well, it turns out that he had, but (of course) it would be three days before he could get a replacement phone.
Facing the knowledge that he’d could lose significant money in three days if he had no smart phone, Hawlin bit the bullet and bought another expensive phone.
When he got home, the feed mill folks where he’s lost his first phone, got in touch with him and said that when they’d run the soybeans into the processor, a debris mesh had caught his …… no, not his expensive phone, but its screen saver instead.
The mill said they’d keep watching to see if Hawlin’s smart phone got screened out of the soybeans, but Hawlin is highly doubtful that will happen.
I guess the lesson from Hawlin’s experience is be cautious about putting your cell phone in your shirt pocket.
***
School started locally this week, so the Old Geezer Gossip Group’s conversations one morning wuz about our experiences riding school busses back in our elementary and high school days.
Several stories got told, but here’s the best one. Arch wuz riding his school bus when one ornery kid got into a loud argument with the bus driver about the kid staying in his seat and picking on the younger kids.
Now remember this wuz back in the days when a school bus driver has absolute authority over his passengers. So, when his argument with the ornery kid reached a its highest pitch, the bus driver ordered the kid off the bus, so he could walk all the way home.
And, that’s what happened. As he exited the bus, the driver told the kid he’d take it up with his parents. The kid retorted, “Go ahead.”
But, then the episode took a humorous bent. The kid hadn’t walked far, when a neighbor picked him up and took him to his home.
But, the kid didn’t go to straight into his home. Instead, he lingered next to the road. Then when his bus drove buy, there stood the kid smiling from ear to ear and waving happily at his disciplinarian bus driver.
***
That story about ornery kids made my fishing buddy, Castin Crankitt, recall the time at his home back in Minnesota when two ornery neighborhood kids came into Castin’s mom’s kitchen and browsed around for something sweet to eat.
They discovered a chocolate bar on the top shelf of the kitchen and devoured it. A few hours later, the young thieves came down with an unexpected case of diarrhea.
Seems they’d stolen and eaten an entire bar of Exlax. Sometimes, experience is a nasty, but humbling, teacher.
***
An agribusinessman decided to celebrate his anniversary with his wive by taking her to an upscale steak house for a celebratory meal.
They both ordered mouth-watering steaks, but when their waiter arrived to deliver their meal to their table, the wife noticed that the waiter had his finger draped over her steak.
When he sat down her plate, the waiter said, “Here you go, ma’am, enjoy.”
“Are you crazy’?” the wife said. “Your hand’s been on my steak!”
“Well, excuse me!” the waiter snapped back. “You’d rather it fell on the floor again?”
***
The topic of drinking energy drinks arose recently at our old geezer group. A few said they needed energy drinks on occasion so they could finish a task.
That’s when I interrupted and said, “Well, I need an energy drink to keep me awake until time for my early afternoon nap!”
***
Words of wisdom for this week: “It’s not old age that makes us forgetful. It’s just too much stupid stuff to remember.”
Have a good ‘un.






