This week I’m eternally thankful that I’m still around to write this column. And, I’m mad because I escaped an untimely demise — and Nevah, too — by the narrowest of margins — like a hair’s breadth or the thickness of a cigarette paper.

And, it all unfolded unnecessarily thanks to an impatient, irresponsible, idiot driver on Highway 99 a few miles southeast of Eureka, Kan.

Here’s how our narrow escape transpired on Wednesday afternoon, July 30: We’d been to a family funeral in Oswego that morning. For a change of traveling scenery, we decided to take the scenic route home via highways 400 and 99. Since, I’d driven all day, Nevah got behind the wheel near Fredonia.

All wuz fine and dandy and we were appreciating the southern Flint Hills. Then, within milliseconds, the scare of my 80-year-old lifetime unfolded for me.

Nevah wuz driving up a hill with a gray SUV following at a safe distance. Then just before we topped the hill going north, we met a white flatbed truck going south safely in its lane. But, THEN, this idiot in a white pickup truck pulled abruptly and aggressively over the double-yellow no-passing line into our lane.

It wuz a deadly head-on for sure aimed straight toward us. (Note: for those unfamiliar with Hwy 99, it is narrow with no shoulders at all.)

That’s when the driver of the flatbed probably save our lives. He slammed on the brakes and pulled over as much as possible without going into the ditch.

That’s when Nevah yelled, slammed on her brakes and whipped into the grass and weeds along the road. When I looked up, the idiot driver of the white truck realized he didn’t have time nor space to get back into his proper lane, so he goosed his truck to get ahead of the flatbed. And, miraculously, it worked. He somehow managed to yank his truck back into the southbound lane in front of the flatbed.

The rear of his pickup truck missed our SUV by mere inches. As he whizzed past us I did get a glimpse of  some kind of business lettering on the door of the white truck.

We don’t know even today how close the SUV following us came to rear-ending our vehicle. But, I’m betting that it took some hard braking and maneuvering on that driver’s part to avoid a multi-vehicle, fatal pileup.

After the near miss, Nevah wuz white-knuckled to say the least. I wuz shaky, too, when it hit me how closely we’d come to an untimely demise by being sandwiched between two vehicles. Then I got mad and I’ve been mad ever since.

So, in closing, I want to thank the driver of the flatbed truck and the driver of the SUV behind us for their quick reflexes. And, I hope, but don’t expect, the irresponsible idiot who put several lives in peril just to save a few seconds got scared straight and learned a lesson, too.

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I recently got a letter from that famed Oklahoma historian couple from Broken Arrow, ol’ Ben Dover and his wife Eulean, stating that Oklahoma is the home of a bunch of small towns and communities with the most unusual names.

Then to prove their point, they wrote out this example: “I had to spend the night between Cora and Edna and I can prove it by Eddy, who’s just himself in from Henrietta where he left Chad on a Couch with Corrine.

“Friends, I could go on, but it might get Rocky, ‘cause it’s getting Slick outside, and I think I hear Six Bulls comin’.”

Ol’ Ben then said in Oklahoma you can drive to Hogshooter or out to Flatout and ask how their towns got named. He also mentioned ribaldly that the best way to get to either Henrietta or Maud, is to go through Bowlegs.

I’ll throw in this, no one should forget the unique Oklahoma town of Bugtussle, the boyhood home of Carl Albert, former Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives.

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Folks, two nights ago we got a welcome one-inch rain. Some of our neighbors got close to two inches. While it wuzn’t nearly enuf to provide runoff to fill the ponds, it did perk up the tasseling corn and the little soybeans — and even my raised-bed garden, tomatoes, and wildlife food plots. Even the grass welcomed the moisture, but now I’ll have to start mowing the grass again.

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Our new home is shaping up nicely. The roof is on, the doors and windows installed, and the gas fireplace is in place. Next up are the plumbers, electricians, and HVAC installers. It looks like we’ll be having our downsizing auction here at Damphewmore Acres sometime in September.

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Sadly, one of my brothers-in-law hit the Eternal Trail this week. Brian was a devoted family man, and an independent-minded, fiercely-patriotic fellow who marched through life to his own drum beat in a one-man parade. There’s will never be another like Brian. He will be sorely missed. RIP, Bro.

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Personal words of wisdom for the week after July 4th: “Be thankful for life, love and liberty.

Have a good ‘un.