Monday, January 26, 2026
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Playing Ketchup

By
Lee Pitts
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lee pitts
I live on the edge of a small town whose only fast food is a Subway. The void has been filled by food trucks. I don’t know if they’ve come to your town yet but every day at lunch time there are at least two food trucks open for business and some days three in my town. These include food trucks named The Greasy Weiner, Hanna’s Street Tacos and La Taqueria. The trucks appear to be doing a land office business judging by the long lines of construction workers and nine-to-fivers on their lunch hour.
One of the good things about a food truck is that if you don’t like your present location you just up and move. I don’t know what’s in it for the people who own the parking lots where the food trucks set up shop but I’m sure they get at least a free taco or two as rental income. The food trucks are so popular that restaurants in the bigger towns are playing catch-up, or is it ketchup, and are copying items invented by the food truck owners. For example, “street tacos” have found their way onto menus at fancy restaurants and my wife really likes them. They are about half the size of a regular taco and they can be made with fish, beef, pork even bison. The one thing I haven’t seen yet are food trucks that specialize in hamburgers and we really need one or two of them.
Whenever I see a food truck it reminds me of the old photos I’ve seen of cowboys gathered around the chuckwagon at a roundup only instead of cowboy hats the construction workers are wearing hard hats and there are no chaps and spurs. Since there is no seating provided the construction workers can be seen sitting uncomfortably on a curb or on their haunches. The advantages of a food truck are it costs about a third of what a restaurant meal would cost and it’s fast, so people on their lunch hour don’t have to worry about clocking in late when their lunch hour is over.
Food trucks really are modern day chuckwagons. Legendary cattleman Charles Goodnight invented the chuckwagon in 1866 when he got an old army wagon with extra durable iron axles and he put a box on the back that served as the cookie’s kitchen. They became so popular that Studebaker, the only company I know of that made the transition from selling wagons to selling cars, sold their version of the chuckwagon for about a hundred bucks. They were called chuckwagons because the grub the cowboys ate was also referred to as chuck. The chuckwagon, which was sometimes also called “the crumb castle” by the cowpokes, was the center of activity during a branding and cowboys “put on the nose bag” and even took an afternoon siesta underneath the chuckwagon because it provided the only shade for miles around.
I don’t know why someone doesn’t launch a “chain” of chuckwagon food trucks that serve hamburgers and other beef items. Instead of a truck the chuckwagon would be a wagon designed to look like chuckwagons of yesteryear, with the addition, of course, of brake lights and turn signals. If one location was bad you could just hook up the chuckwagon to a vehicle and move it to a new location, no horses necessary.
My idea of a chuckwagon food truck could be a great “green” concept that environmentalists should love. Picture in your mind six burley construction workers ordering gigantic beef and bean burritos and chimichangas and then getting in their work truck with all the windows rolled up. In the cab would be an on-board methane digester that would turn the gas produced by the workers into fuel. It would be a totally enclosed enviro system and the gas produced would propel the workers far enough to get to them to the next chuckwagon where they could re-fill on beans again. I can even envision a hybrid version for people who don’t want to eat beans for every meal.
If Elon Musk ever caught wind of my concept I have no doubt that in a matter of weeks we’d have thousands of Tesla Taco Trucks at Tesla charging stations around the country, thus giving an all new meaning to the words “gassing up.”

Pet Tricks

By
Lee Pitts
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0
lee pitts

I’ve always had an interest in magic and consider myself a better than average prestidigitator. I also consider myself a better than average animal trainer so I thought that one day I’d be discovered and given a one year residency in Las Vegas. I can envision my name up in lights on some giant marquee on the strip… The Great Pittsy And His Flying Sheep Show.

For my first trick I’d bring out my thirty Rhode Island Red chickens. I’d place them in a long sandbox and to hypnotize them I’d lay them in the sand with their head extended and their eyes facing the crowd. Then, one by one I’d put my index finger right in front of their eyes and draw a straight line. Farm folk probably know this trick but the city slickers who’ll see my show in Vegas would get just as excited about this trick as I did the first time I saw it. I’d leave all 30 chickens in this hypnotic trance throughout my show.

Cindy, the best dog I ever had would be the star of my second trick. With Cindy watching me I’d pull a real rabbit out of a hat and then Cindy would one-up me by walking behind the stage props, picking up a white rabbit in her tender mouth and bringing it to me. By the time Cindy had retrieved the sixth rabbit the crowd would be on their feet. I got the idea for this trick one time when I forgot to latch the door on the hutch of my feedlot full of rabbits and they all jumped out. Cindy found every one and brought them to me without a scratch on them.

For the next act I’d have to borrow the intelligent dog that belongs to my horseshoer Monte Mills. Monte and his Lucky Horseshoe Band are an entertainment fixture in my neck of the woods and I thought Monte might let me use his dog if I brought him along to provide musical interludes between acts. I’d ask Monte’s dog, “What do all these painted ladies on street corners in the gaudier parts of town do to make a living?” And right on cue Monte’s dog would roll over on its back and move all four paws and legs up and down.

If you’ve raised sheep you know about this. If you place a small hurdle that the sheep have to jump over to get their feed the sheep will virtually fly over it. But here’s the thing: after a week of this you can remove the hurdle and the sheep will still jump over the hurdle that is no longer there. Thus the name of my act… The Great Pittsy And His Flying Sheep Show.

No show would be complete without an appearance by my wonder horse Gentleman. Anyone who has seen the cover of my book, A Gentleman and A Scholar, is aware that I can get Gentleman to let out a big horse laugh which I taught him by putting his bit in the freezer. So I’d tell a couple corny jokes and right on cue Gentleman would laugh his butt off. Then I’d ask Gentleman what I owed him for his performance and he’d reach inside my heavily sequined jacket and pull a carrot from the inside pocket.

For the final act I’d bring out Huey, Louie, Phooey and Gooey, four purebred Brahma yearling bulls that were easily the smartest, most gentle cattle I’ve ever owned. Every day I fed them some cubes that they’d eat out of my hand. Then one day I tricked Huey, by reaching into the feed sack and offering my hand to him, except this time there was nothing there. Huey immediately shook his head and his giant ears went all flopping around making a really funny sound and pretty soon all four bulls were doing the same thing. It was one of the funniest things I’d ever seen and the crowd would eat it up. I’d also taught the bulls to follow me around in single file and that’s how I’d conclude my show by walking off the stage followed by the bulls.

Of course the show would be so great the audience would demand on encore so me and all my co-stars would go back on stage and wake up all the chickens.

I Have My Reasons

By
Lee Pitts
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0
lee pitts

Using a set of reasons like I used to give on my high school and college livestock judging teams I will now appraise your average farm animals.

Sir, or Madame,

I place this class of farm animals #1 (dog), #2 (horse), #3 (hog), #4 (cow), and #5 (sheep). I had a very close top pair and an easy bottom.

I place the dog on top, and over the horse, because the dog can’t buck you off so high that birds will build nests in your beard on your way back down to earth. The dog doesn’t smell as bad as the hog (unless it’s tangled with a skunk), doesn’t have the brains of a fire hydrant like the sheep and doesn’t try to kill you in the sorting alley or the rodeo arena like the bovine. Dogs are cheap to feed, can ride in the cab of your pickup, and will protect the empty beer cans and broken jack in the bed of of your truck with their life.

I do grant that the dog can’t carry you around on its back all day like the horse and its incessant yapping can be annoying.

In placing the horse second I highly value that you can tell your rumors, gossip, hearsay and transgressions to your horse and it will never spill the beans. Also, a horse will follow your subtle commands unless they are of an idiotic nature. The horse can turn like a serpent, walk like a cat and run like a deer. The only other contrivance that can do that on a farm is green and is mechanical in nature. The horse looks good in leather and is the only animal I know of that smells good when sweaty. Unlike a cowboy, your average horse knows what “whoa” means. Horses have better dentition than the cow and can run faster than a sow. Horses are also kinder than other farm animals and if you don’t think so watch them stand head to tail and swat flies off each other. Name one time you’ve ever seen a hog do that with its corkscrew tail.

Over the centuries a good cow horse has always been worth about ten times the value of a cow.

I do grant that pork tastes better than horse meat and your average county fair racing pig costs less than the average Thoroughbred at Keeneland.

I place the hog in the third position and over the cow because the pig doesn’t have the IQ of a cauliflower like many cows I’ve known. In terms of intelligence hogs could have been placed at the top of the class but their putrid smell and evasive nature puts them in the third position today. I do not like that they are evasive as coyotes and have the morals of a Congressperson.

I grant that the meat from a bovine tastes better that all the rest but I was forced to put the cow in the fourth spot today because when the chips are down cattle are no where to be found. Take the bull for instance, when he’s done violating cows and heifers he goes off and drinks with his buddies for nine months. Neither is the cow that quick on the uptake. All a cow has to do to live a long and productive life is bring a healthy calf to the branding pen every year and yet she will not stand for a bull and kicks at the artificial inseminator. They also have a propensity to pee on expensive hay. Cows aren’t cowboy-friendly and if you yell instructions at them it just goes in one ear and out the udder.

I place the cow above the sheep and rolled the sheep to the bottom of the class because the cow is still not as stupid as your normal sheep whose IQ is lower than the average temperature of South Dakota in winter. A sheep doesn’t know the difference between a cow and a sow and spends its time just huntin’ for a place to die. A young lamb’s goal in life is to grow up and be a car seat cushion like its father and mother.

It’s for these reasons that I place this class of farm animals dog, horse, hog, cow, and sheep.

 

This Underrated State Park In Kansas Is So Little-Known, You’ll Practically Have It All To Yourself

By
Guest Columnist
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0

Imagine a place where the prairie stretches as far as the eye can see, and the only thing more abundant than grass is… well, more grass.

Welcome to Prairie Dog State Park, Kansas’s best-kept secret!

Prairie Dog State Park is the hidden gem you never knew you needed in your life.

It’s like the introvert of state parks – quiet, unassuming, and surprisingly delightful once you get to know it.

Now, I know what you’re thinking.

“A park named after prairie dogs? What’s next, a theme park dedicated to earthworms?”

But hold onto your skepticism, folks, because this place is about to blow your socks off – or at least gently nudge them off with a cool prairie breeze.

Let’s start with the obvious: the prairie dogs.

These little guys are the unofficial mayors of the park, and let me tell you, they run a tight ship.

You’ll see them popping up from their burrows like furry little whack-a-moles, chattering away about the latest gossip in the prairie dog world.

“Did you hear about Betty? She’s dating a gopher now. Scandalous!”

But don’t let their cuteness fool you.

These prairie dogs are tough cookies.

They’ve survived everything from coyotes to drought, and they still manage to look adorable doing it.

It’s like they’ve mastered the art of the “I woke up like this” look, but with more dirt.

Now, let’s talk about the park itself.

Prairie Dog State Park spans over 1,150 acres, which is basically like having your own private Kansas to explore.

The centerpiece of the park is Keith Sebelius Reservoir, a 2,180-acre lake that’s perfect for fishing, boating, and pretending you’re the captain of your own ship.

Just don’t let the power go to your head – the fish aren’t impressed by your sailor’s hat.

Speaking of fishing, if you’re an angler, you’re in for a treat.

The reservoir is stocked with walleye, crappie, and channel catfish.

It’s like an all-you-can-eat buffet for fish enthusiasts, minus the questionable potato salad that’s been sitting out too long.

And let’s not forget about the white bass.

These feisty little guys put up a fight that’ll make you feel like you’re starring in your own fishing show.

“Today on ‘Extreme Bass Fishing in Kansas’ – can our hero reel in the mighty 2-pound white bass without spilling his beer?”

But fishing isn’t the only water activity on offer.

You can also go swimming, water skiing, or just float around on a tube pretending you’re in a tropical paradise.

Sure, the Kansas prairie might not have palm trees or coconuts, but squint hard enough and that tumbleweed could almost pass for a pineapple.

Almost.

For those who prefer to keep their feet on solid ground, the park offers plenty of hiking and nature trails.

You can wander through native grasslands, spotting wildlife and pretending you’re a rugged explorer discovering new lands.

Just don’t plant any flags – the prairie dogs get pretty territorial.

One of the most popular trails is the Prairie Trail, a 1.5-mile loop that takes you through the heart of the park.

It’s like a greatest hits tour of Kansas landscapes – prairie, woodlands, and lakeside views all rolled into one.

It’s perfect for those days when you can’t decide if you want to be a cowboy, a lumberjack, or a beach bum.

As you hike, keep your eyes peeled for the park’s diverse wildlife.

Besides the titular prairie dogs, you might spot deer, wild turkeys, and a variety of birds.

It’s like a real-life version of “Where’s Waldo?”, but instead of looking for a guy in a striped shirt, you’re searching for creatures that are actually trying to hide from you.

Birdwatchers, get ready to add some new entries to your life list.

The park is home to everything from majestic bald eagles to tiny, chattering kingfishers.

It’s like a feathered United Nations up in those trees.

Just don’t expect them to solve any world peace issues – they’re too busy arguing over who has the best nest.

Now, let’s talk about camping.

Prairie Dog State Park offers both primitive and modern campgrounds, so whether you’re a “roughing it” purist or more of a “glamping” enthusiast, they’ve got you covered.

The modern campground has electrical hookups, hot showers, and flush toilets.

It’s like bringing a little slice of civilization into the wilderness, minus the traffic jams and overpriced coffee shops.

The primitive campground, on the other hand, is for those who want to really commune with nature.

No electricity, no running water – just you, your tent, and about a million stars overhead.

It’s the perfect place to ponder life’s big questions, like “Why didn’t I pack more bug spray?” and “Is that a coyote or just a really ambitious raccoon?”

But here’s the best part about camping at Prairie Dog State Park – the solitude.

This place is so off the beaten path, you might just have the whole campground to yourself.

It’s like having your own private wilderness retreat, complete with a soundtrack of crickets and the occasional prairie dog alarm call.

(They take their neighborhood watch duties very seriously.)

For history buffs, the park has a little surprise in store.

Tucked away near the lake is the Bogan Cabin, a restored 1890s homestead.

It’s like stepping into a time machine, minus the flux capacitor and the risk of accidentally becoming your own grandfather.

The cabin gives you a glimpse into the lives of early Kansas settlers.

Let me tell you, after seeing how they lived, you’ll never complain about your Wi-Fi being slow again.

These folks were tough as nails, surviving harsh winters, crop failures, and a severe lack of Netflix.

It really puts things in perspective.

Now, I know what you’re thinking.

“This all sounds great, but what about the amenities?”

Well, fear not, my comfort-loving friends.

Prairie Dog State Park has got you covered.

There’s a marina where you can rent boats, buy bait, and stock up on snacks.

Because let’s face it, nothing works up an appetite quite like watching prairie dogs all day.

The park also has several picnic areas, perfect for when you want to enjoy your lunch with a side of panoramic views.

Just be prepared to share – those prairie dogs have excellent noses and zero shame when it comes to begging for food.

(Pro tip: They’re particularly fond of carrots. Don’t ask me how I know this.)

For the kiddos (or the young at heart), there’s a playground near the campground.

It’s a great place for the little ones to burn off some energy while you recover from your “strenuous” day of lounging by the lake.

And let’s not forget about the beach.

Yes, you read that right – a beach in Kansas.

It might not be Waikiki, but it’s got sand, water, and plenty of space to work on your prairie tan.

Just don’t forget your sunscreen – that Kansas sun is no joke, and “lobster red” is not a good look on anyone.

One of the best things about Prairie Dog State Park is its accessibility.

It’s open year-round, so you can experience the magic of the prairie in every season.

Spring brings wildflowers and baby animals, summer is perfect for water activities, fall paints the landscape in warm hues, and winter… well, winter is for the truly adventurous.

Or those who really, really love snow.

But no matter when you visit, one thing remains constant – the incredible sunsets.

There’s something about a Kansas sunset that just can’t be beat.

Maybe it’s the wide-open sky, or the way the light plays across the prairie grass.

Or maybe it’s just that everything looks better when you’re relaxed and away from the hustle and bustle of everyday life.

As the day winds down and the sun sinks below the horizon, painting the sky in shades of orange and pink, you might find yourself having a moment of profound realization.

Maybe it’s about the beauty of nature, or the importance of preserving these wild spaces.

Or maybe it’s just “Wow, I really need to come here more often.”

Whatever epiphany you have, cherish it.

Because that’s the real magic of places like Prairie Dog State Park – they give us a chance to step back, slow down, and remember what’s really important in life.

And if what’s important to you is watching prairie dogs do their thing while you lounge by a beautiful lake in the middle of nowhere, well, you’ve come to the right place.

For more information about Prairie Dog State Park, including current conditions and reservation details, visit the Kansas Department of Wildlife and Parks website.

Sharing the Love – Valentine’s Day Flowers

By
Guest Columnist
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0
If you’re like much of America, you’re preparing to either give or receive a bouquet of roses. Here are some care tips to get the longest-lasting arrangement.
  • Roses often come in a plastic sleeve which retains moisture. The sleeve should be removed after purchase.
  • Cut 1½ to 2 inches of each stem with a clean, sharp knife or flower snips. Uncut stems cannot efficiently absorb water needed by the flower to open fully. (Current research suggests that cutting stems under water is not necessary.)
  • Remove any leaves that will be underwater once stems are arranged in the vase.
  • Follow directions on flower food packet to mix the right amount of cold water to food ratio into the vase. Flowers need to be nourished. Professional flower food generally contains three ingredients:
    • Carbohydrate – (sugar) nutritional source
    • Acidifying agent – lowers the solution pH and improves water uptake
    • Microbiocide- reduces microbial growth
  • Arrange freshly cut stems into the vase.
Check the water level daily, repeat steps 2-5 every 2-3 days so flowers last as long as possible. Keep flowers away extreme cold, heat, direct sunlight and sources of ethylene gas (fruits and vegetables). (Irina Sheshukova)
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