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Take My Advice (Best Of)

By
Lee Pitts
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lee pitts

I must look like I need some advice because I’ve been getting a lot of it lately. This cattle business is getting harder and harder to figure out. I can’t decide if I should be buying or selling.

I read all the livestock newspapers and they said prices were going up. Then I had my palm read and the palmist said, “Don’t believe anything you read.” The tax man said I shouldn’t sell because I haven’t owned the cattle long enough for long term profit. But the futures market made sure that there wasn’t any profit.

I sought advice from my accountant and he said to buy a better computer and use Quickbooks®. I paid $2,000 for a computer and it advised me, “A fool and his money are soon parted.”

I called up a stock broker, you know, the one who talks and everybody listens? I listened all right. He left me on hold from eight thirty till five thirty.

The weather man said , “Dry weather ahead” and we got three wet inches of “partly cloudy”.

The optimist said, “Cheer up, things could be worse,” and the pessimist said, “They soon will be.”

The banker suggested that I sell. So after much deliberation I decided the smart move would be to sell. So I did. Immediately after the auctioneer said “SOLD!” on my cattle the market immediately jumped five bucks.

The psychiatrist said, “There are two things you should never do alone, make love and sell cattle.” So my wife went with me to the auction for moral support and so I wouldn’t do anything foolish, like buy more cattle.

My wife suggested that we sit down way back in the shadows so no one would notice that she was the only female in the place. Half way through the proceedings the auctioneer made the comment that ‘It sure looked like a good time to buy some cattle. You can’t play the game if you aren’t holding some cards,” he commented.

Then my trucker came up and suggested that he needed a backhaul. So I figured that I might as well buy something.

Two friends, John and Jack, came up and sat right behind us. Every time that I would start to bid one of them would comment, “Those steers are too full,” or, ‘Those steers are not very green.” The wife sitting next to me had her adding machine working and she would chime in, “Too high.” It seemed every drive of cattle had something wrong with it.

I was getting frustrated and realized this was why most ranchers don’t go to the auction market to see their cattle sell. Then at last a load came in that everybody agreed was just right. “They sure are green,” said Jack. “They sure are empty,” said John. “They sure are cheap,” said my wife. I bid one time and the auctioneer hammered his gavel down. My trucker had himself a backhaul.

Then my wife advised me, “You idiot. You just bought back the cattle that we sent over here to sell.”

My mouth dropped open as I realized the possibility existed that she might be right. I tried to look nonchalant. “Yes, but they were green, empty and such a good buy. I couldn’t pass them up.”

I ended up taking a tongue lashing from the wife all the way home and got the silent treatment for a week afterwards. As my wonder horse Gentleman and I were admiring our newly-purchased, vaguely familiar set of calves the long-languishing cowboy poet in me screamed for all the world to hear…

The moral of this story is plain to see:

Take this advice from me,

Don’t take any, even if it’s free.

Lovina Shares Stories of Phone Call Adventures

By
tammiehoeme
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It’s Monday evening, and I wanted to get this column written tonight so I can get an earlier start with my work in the morning. 

It was a windy day with the temperature reaching sixty-six degrees. I hung all the laundry outside, and everything is dried, folded, and put away. Oh, how wonderful!

Sister Verena came here yesterday and spent the night. Tonight, her neighbor Mary came to take her home with her Gator. It was warm enough for that. Mary sure has been good with Verena. Good neighbors are precious! Times change and people are less dependent on each other and less neighborly. We are fortunate to have some good neighbors. Growing up, we knew all our neighbors. We would go there to use their phone if we needed to call someone. Now we have our own phone in an outbuilding. I still remember the first phone call I made. I don’t remember exactly how old I was, but I had to have been 13 or 14 when my mother thought it was safe for me to walk the half mile to our neighbors. I would walk past my aunt Salome and Uncle Elmer’s place, then past Grandpa and Grandma’s and Uncle Henry and Aunt Barbara’s places, a trip I made often for years after that. I remember my mother writing on a paper what I had to say. I was so nervous. The neighbor lady dialed the number for me on their rotary phone. I remember reading what it said on the paper so fast that I often wonder how it sounded to the friends I was leaving a message for from my parents. I imagine our neighbor lady also probably had to smile about it. If the first neighbor wasn’t home, we could walk a quarter mile farther to the next neighbor. We would put the coins by the phone for each call. Long distance calls were written on a tablet by the phone so we could be charged later when their bill came. I still remember having to wait on the phone, as the neighbors were all connected to the same line. I would pick up the phone and listen to see if it was quiet before dialing. Now on our home phones we have speed dialing and only need to push one or two buttons. All lines are separate as well. 

After we were married, we had neighbors across the road that would let us use their phone, but if they weren’t home, we had to walk over a half mile to the other neighbors. I remember well the time I had an appointment with the midwife and my driver didn’t show up. Plans were to drop my four children off at my parents’ house. After the driver didn’t show up, I put all four children in a little wagon and pulled it uphill to our neighbors a half mile from us. Our neighbor across the road wasn’t home at that time. I remember how tired I was by the time I was back home. I was almost full term with the next baby, so it felt harder to pull that wagon. We were grateful when the baby’s arrival time was closer and our neighbor put their cordless phone inside their grill outside their door, so if Joe had to call during the night hours he could without waking them up. 

On April 6, some of my family will come with me to the Plain and Simple Craft Show in Shipshewana from 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. I hope to see some readers there. The address is 345 South Van Buren Street, Shipshewana, Indiana 46565.

I wish all you readers a blessed Easter! How thankful we can be that Jesus died on the cross so our sins can be forgiven. He is risen! God’s blessings!

Dinner Sausage

1 pound ground pork sausage

1 small onion, chopped

1 (10 3/4-ounce) can cream of mushroom soup

1/2 cup milk

1 cup diced cheddar cheese

1 (8-ounce) package of noodles

Brown sausage and onions in a skillet long enough to fry out fat but don’t cook until crisp. Drain off the fat. Cook noodles as directed on package and drain. Mix all ingredients together in a 10 by 10-inch greased casserole dish and bake at 325°F for 30 minutes. 

 

Lovina’s Amish Kitchen is written by Lovina Eicher, Old Order Amish writer, cook, wife, and mother of eight. Her two cookbooks, The Essential Amish Cookbook and Amish Family Recipes, are available wherever books are sold. Readers can write to Eicher at Lovina’s Amish Kitchen, PO Box 234, Sturgis, MI 49091 (please include a self-addressed stamped envelope for a reply); or email [email protected] and your message will be passed on to her to read. She does not personally respond to emails.

Frugal vs. cheap

By
John Marshall
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john marshal

Legislators and voters can fall prey to the no-tax hobby farmers who believe township ghosts fix the roads, that the sheriff works for free and schools are fine with library paste and construction paper.

It may surprise them that hospitals and clinics have budgets, that highways don’t build themselves and the grass in parks doesn’t cut itself. The lights come on, the faucet flows and the trash is picked up because government sees to it.

Any township or city worth inhabiting involves expenses (taxes). Even the dead (cemeteries) need attention. The roads to farms need upkeep and so do our streets, bridges and highways. The quality of life in a place depends upon the wisdom of its governors and the understanding of its taxpayers.

*

People accept taxes when they know the investment is wise and proper. Taxes are not evil, they are not something to dread. Taxes are the lifeblood of a community. Citizens in places that are better off are citizens who understand the difference between being frugal and being cheap.

The better towns and cities avoid anemia even if it seems painful, because the wise citizen and the smart government know that a community operating on the cheap is likely a community heading for the cellar.

In far-away Topeka, a no-tax life is catnip for fever-dreamers, an easy sell for Know Nothings. Kansans once fell victim to the no-tax hotheads during the dark Brownback years. The rich got richer as revenues crashed and the state began to borrow and spend, bringing the government nearly to bankruptcy. Services from law enforcement and transportation to public health and education withered to the point of wretched.

Elections in 2016 and ’18 brought to Topeka some enlightened legislators and a sharp new governor who put Kansas on a way to recovery. Today we have billions in surplus and savings, a cause for reinvestment, not profit-reaping. We also have a faction in the no-tax crowd who favor a sinister ploy called the flat tax. Fair to all, they claim ‒ all but the middle- and low-incomes.

This is a vision conjured in the dark corners of the American Legislative Exchange Council in Alexandria, Va., a right-wing cause lobby that writes laws for legislators who won’t think for themselves. ALEC’s president is Ty Masterson, who is also president of the Kansas Senate. This is why a flat tax has been proposed and defeated in Topeka five times in three years, and is proposed a second time this year.

*

Each day or week wasted on the incantations of out-state special interests is a day or week that we fall behind in deliberating better ways to advance cities and counties because without strong communities we cannot have a strong state.

If legislators care at all about their constituents, they must find their own way through the jungle growth of local worries shared statewide. Health care (Medicaid expansion), public school finance, Highway Patrol recruitment and property taxes are a few for starters.

Outstate influence peddlers are up to their own good, not ours. Legislators who only recently took in their oily bleats learned the hard way that a place will go broke trying to go cheap. Is memory so short in Topeka that apathy is now the coin of that realm?

Easter Salads

By
tammiehoeme
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This is the first time I have penned my column from a hospital room. I’m not in the hospital, but my dad has been, for an infection. I’m headed back to southern Missouri the first of the week. So, I’ve been running back and forth between the Hannibal hospital and my hometown of Lewistown. The drive really isn’t bad either, time to think. I have found time to have lunch or dinner with a couple of good friends, which has been grand.

Remember, I’ll be back to northern Missouri for an April 20th speaking engagement, at the Methodist Church Hall, located in Lewistown. If you need to get ahold of someone for tickets I would reach out to Sharpe’s Insurance, they can guide you in the right direction. I’m also debuting a brand-new recipe that day. They asked me for a theme, so it’s titled: ‘Signs, Sampling & Simplicity’. And yes, I do speaking engagements for all types of different settings. Sometimes I demo a recipe, other times I may be focusing on a variety of subjects. I’ve even been known to revert back to my first vocation and perform a song or two. First a musician/teacher followed by culinary teacher/writer/author and lastly director of a non-for-profit, wow, I have been blessed having the opportunity to experience so many different avenues in life, and the great thing is I’m not done yet!!!

If I could change anything it would have been my first vocation, I probably would have sought a medical degree. Don’t get me wrong teaching music and singing was rewarding, but back then I didn’t have enough faith in myself to pursue a science degree. When I didn’t comprehend, I blamed myself for not being ‘smart enough’. Not realizing until much later that it wasn’t me, it was the teacher, not being able to teach, yep, it happens. People spoke without realizing the repercussions of their statements, including teachers, parents and other leaders.

Perhaps that’s why I’m such a positive individual, I know the affects of negativity on young and old minds. WOW, a little self-analogy there!

Now, let’s talk salads! I decided to run two older recipes that are very simple and will satisfy two totally different palate needs. An old-fashioned ‘whippy’ salad and a simple Mandarin Oriental Salad. My spouse still enjoys the old-fashioned whipped salads, and I’ve actually found they are easy to make in a lower-sugar

content. On the fresh, mandarin oriental salad, the dressing is your only caloric concern. This salad would be good to prepare with a grilled chicken breast across the top. Change the mandarin oranges to fresh strawberries. I don’t see any cheese in the original recipe, feta, goat cheese or parmesan would be an outstanding addition. You can switch the almonds out for walnuts. I also wouldn’t turn down a few halved white grapes on the salad. As you look at the presentation with strawberries versus mandarin oranges you might change out to a fresh green onion instead of the red onion.

In the mandarin orange version, you could also grab honey, orange juice, herbs, oil and vinegar to make a fresh dressing instead of the Asian Sesame Dressing, purchased at the store.

Hopefully you won’t over-due things on Easter weekend. Be sure and prepare so you’ve got leftovers for later in the week. I’m actually thinking about doing a pork loin this year instead of a standard ham. I don’t know my sides just yet, but I’m sure I’ll have it laid out by Wednesday, following sale ads!

Let’s keep doing great things and listening to those around us. Simply yours, The Covered Dish

Lemon Fluff Salad

1 large can (20 oz.) chunk or crushed pineapple, use all juice

1 regular box of instant lemon pudding

1 can mandarin oranges, drained

1 (8oz.) carton cool whip, or make it fresh!

Marshmallows, if desired.

Chopped pecans might be interesting to add too

Mix pineapple and pudding, stirring well. Fold in whipped topping, oranges and marshmallows. Chill. Mother indicates this stirs up very fast, and she likes to use it when you need something quick. Betty Dance

Up with the Chickens

By
Steve Gilliland
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Trail cameras and talking with land owners are both great ways to access wildlife numbers and locations, but whether hunting deer, turkeys or coyotes, nothing replaces actual “boots-on-the-ground” where you want to hunt. Retirement can easily make a person lazy, and I can still remember the argument I had with myself one spring morning last year over whether or not I really wanted to get up with the chickens to spy on a group of turkeys whose routines I was trying to figure out before hunting season opened. You can never lose by arguing with yourself, so I still don’t know whether I won or lost, but there I sat watching the sun come up. The river was just to my right, and about a quarter mile in front of me it wound around to my left, then right again and was gone. I sat overlooking a meadow bordered by trees along the river where a small flock of turkeys usually roost each year.

The morning was very calm and the sounds were nothing short of spectacular. A pair of great horned owls called back-and-forth to each other, their smooth cooing “hoots” serenely ushering in the day. To the far left end of the crop field a creek wound like ribbon candy through a small pasture, and from somewhere in the trees there, the sharp crisp call of a barred owl pierced the silence. Its unmistakable pattern of “who cooks for you – who cooks for you too” is easily distinguished from the great horned owl call when heard together. Loud noises often compel tom turkeys to gobble near or after dark, helping reveal to the hunter where they are roosted, and the loud shrill call of the barred owl is often mimicked by turkey call makers.

I sat in a small woodlot that teemed with songbirds of every description, their sweet melodies filling the gaps in time between owl calls. I recognized the “pretty pretty pretty pretty” song of several male cardinals, frequently punctuated by the sharp crisp cackle of a rooster pheasant or two. The time frame was very interesting, as the symphony began in earnest at the first hint of daylight, but the lighter it got, the quieter the symphony played.

Then there were the stars of the morning show, the wild turkeys. I was there trying to pin down just where they roosted, as their chosen nighttime perch high

in the trees changes slightly from year to year. That morning, two or three toms were gobbling quite a ways ahead of me along the stretch of river running across the end of the crop field. After a while, their gibberish gobbles were a little fainter each time, telling me they had flown to the ground already and were heading in the opposite direction. I drove around the section, stopping at a couple spots to glass the fields with binoculars, but I never found them.

Starting any morning by watching and listening to God’s miraculous Creation awaken makes it easy to say “I wouldn’t have missed that for the world.” But like I said, retirement can make a guy lazy. So, the next time my decision is whether to stay there beneath the warm covers next to my warm wife, or to arise with the chickens to go to the woods, I imagine the argument with myself will be just as strong as it was that morning. But I predict I’ll rise with the chickens again, and I still won’t know whether I won the argument or not…. Continue to Explore Kansas Outdoors.

Steve can be contacted by email at [email protected].

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