Friday, January 2, 2026
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Bovine Bill of Rights

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lee pitts

Just as Thomas Jefferson is remembered as the author of the Declaration of Independence and James Madison as the principal author of the Constitution, so too will I be remembered for The Bovine Bill of Rights.

Article X: Beef animals not retained for breeding shall have the right to be placed in feedlots where they will be served breakfast in bed every morning and fed supper after their afternoon nap. They have the right to gobble down as much tasty feed as they desire of a delicious and expensive ration consisting of mouthwatering grains, appetizing roughage and sugary molasses for dessert. And all without having to worry about being bullied and made fun of by their fellow bovines for their obesity.

Article IX: Cattle shall have the right to clean water and tight fences to prevent having to intermingle with the neighbor’s inferior mongrels.

Article VIII: Bovines shall have the right to be transported in a well ventilated trailer free from any off-putting fragrance from leftover swine or sheep dung. They have the right to be transported to their new destination as quickly as possible without speed governors or being stopped by over-zealous highway patrolman or delayed by over-eager scale masters.

Article VII: At a branding and periodically through the year cattle have the right to be injected with pricey pharmaceuticals to keep them healthy and alive. Bovines also have the right to be branded so that after blizzards, floods or fires they can be sorted and returned home. They also have the right to wear ear tags to ward off flies and to provide additional information such as their sire. Cattle shall have the option to wear electronic ear tags but only if their caretaker deems them necessary.

Article VI: During a three day snow storm cattle have the right to be kept alive by ranchers wearing five layers of clothing and with icicles hanging from their mustaches bringing them life-giving hay in the blinding snow.

Article V: Cattle have the right to a painless death, free from worry about ignorant politicians and urban bureaucrats turning wolves and grizzly bears loose in cattle country to devour their calves and rip them apart limb by limb. Unlike humans who may suffer through chronic pain or depression and end up in old geezer rest homes and concentration camps for dementia patients, market-ready cattle also have the right to a painless death, something their human caregivers will never get to experience.

Article IV: Cows shall have the right to sex and to be bred by the best bulls the rancher can afford. The rancher shall do everything in his or her power to provide bulls that are worthy of their cows. Cows and heifers shall also have the right to raise their offspring without any interference from deadbeat dads.

Article III: Cows shall also have the right to be aided in a difficult birth even if it means acquiring the expensive services of a qualified veterinarian to perform a Caesarean section.

Article II: Orphan calves shall have the right to be warmed up in a bathtub full of hot water and then laid on the carper in front of a fire in the fireplace. They shall also have the right to be bottle fed every four hours around the clock. When older they have the right to be joined by their fellow orphaned calves at a calf ranch and bottle fed twice a day and supplemented with grain and roughage without having to worry about wolves or where their next meal will come from.

Article I: Bovines have the right to be cooked and eaten by humans providing people with the necessary ingredients required for life. This time honored meat-eating custom by people goes back three million years and makes it possible for humans to continue the practice of raising cattle, thereby giving the bovines a wonderful life they probably wouldn’t have had otherwise.

 

 

Pepe’ LePew with Spots

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I wonder how many of you realize there are two different skunk species living in Kansas; the Striped Skunk with which we are very familiar, and the Eastern Spotted Skunk, often referred to by old-timers as civet cats. I knew there were spotted skunks in Kansas, but have never seen one myself, nor did I know anything about them, so off to Mr. Google I ran.

As Kansas became populated at the beginning of the 20th century, eastern spotted skunks moved northward and westward into the state. The small diversified family farms that existed back then with numerous hay stacks, tree rows, woodlots and myriads of small farm buildings favored the spotted skunk, and they thrived. Over the decades as farming has become bigger, cleaner and more efficient, the spotted skunk population has shrunken to where there are now only pockets of them in a few southeastern and west central counties; they just couldn’t adapt like the striped skunk and in 1982 they were added to the Kansas list of threatened species.

Eastern Spotted Skunks are smaller than a common house cat and are built long and low to the ground with bodies that more resemble a weasel. They have a white triangular nose patch, a mostly black tail and four to six white stripes arranged in seemingly infinite, random patterns around their body, making them appear more like spots than stripes. They eat mostly insects but are opportunistic feeders and will eat most anything if necessary. They are much more agile than striped skunks and readily climb up trees or into barn lofts.

I remember hearing the old guys at the nursing home where I used to work talk about trapping civet cats when they were young, and they all say how much worse it was to get sprayed by them than by a striped skunk. Sure enough, spotted skunk musk is known to be stronger than that of a normal striped skunk. A unique quirk a spotted skunk often exhibits is the inclination to do an actual handstand on its front legs with its tail arched over its back when threatened.

There is currently no open season allowing Eastern Spotted Skunks to be harvested in Kansas, so I think I’ll add seeing one in the wild to my personal bucket list. Continue to Explore Kansas Outdoors!

Steve can be contacted by email at [email protected].

Lovina’s Family is Busy with Church Services, Shared Meals and Successful Hunting

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Lovina’s Amish Kitchen
Lovina Eitcher,
Old Order Amish
Cook, Wife &
Mother of Eight

 

It is Monday evening and we just finished eating supper. It was an easy supper of leftovers from Saturday night’s supper. It consisted of barbecued chicken, wings, and macaroni and cheese. Our supper guests Saturday night were daughter Loretta, Dustin and their children Denzel, Byron and Kylie, son Joseph and Grace, daughter Lovina, Daniel and baby Brooklyn and Joanna (son Benjamin’s special friend). Joseph and Grace stayed here for the night. 

Daughter Verena and Daniel Ray are hunting at daughter Elizabeth and Tim’s place. They also ate after they came back. We had plenty left. While out on their hunt son-in-law Tim shot a

10-point buck. He shot an 8-point buck during bow season. This is helping Tim and Elizabeth fill their freezer since beef prices are so high. This is daughter Verena’s first time hunting this season, so she tried a bow and now a gun. I’m glad she has the chance to try it. I never took interest in hunting. Or even fishing so my children don’t take after me on that. That side comes from their father. Haha!

Sunday morning our family all attended church at sister Emma’s house. It was hosted by my nephew Ben and Crystal. This would be daughter Elizabeth and Tim and daughter Susan and Ervin’s home church district. It felt so good to all be in attendance. I love seeing my family all in one place making memories. I feel blessed and often wonder if I thank God enough for his many blessings. It had been 3 to 4 weeks since I last saw our school age grandchildren. Time goes so fast and they all get busy with their own families. I’m thankful for our “Family Night”, which we take turns hosting on the third Friday of every month. This is a way to at least all get together once a month.  We made a schedule of who is hosting and what we each need to bring.

Sunday our whole family spent the afternoon at Tim’s enjoying snacks. We then all went back to sister Emma’s house where we ate a delicious supper served by Ben and Crystal. An ice cream cake was presented to nephew Jacob in honor of his 26th birthday which is November 17th. The twenty-six candles on the cake were the kind that relight. Jacob was a good sport about it and we had a good laugh about it.

Recently, on a Sunday when it wasn’t our church district’s services, we spent the day at Joseph and Grace’s house. They had a delicious brunch and then made us supper before leaving for home. We spent the afternoon playing games and enjoying snacks. The day was enjoyable and went much too fast. Also joining us there were Dustin and Loretta and Daniel and Lovina and all of their children. Son Benjamin and Joanna spent the weekend in Holmes County, Ohio at her parent’s house and attended church out there. Joanna has moved out here to Michigan and lives with Dustin and Loretta. Their children love her! She is good with children. She works four days a week right now. 

This past week we lost two more family members and regret not being able to attend either of the funerals. Thursday was my Dad’s oldest sibling’s funeral. Uncle Albert James Coblentz was 95. He had the same name as my Grandpa Bert. My dad was the next oldest of the 13 children but passed away too soon at the age of 69. Six of Dad’s brothers still living are William (Bill), 87, Menno, 86, Robert (Bobby), 84, Joe, 83, Melvin, 80, and Amos, 78. 

On Sunday was the funeral for my cousin Amos. Amos was the oldest cousin on my mother’s side of the family. His mother (Aunt Leah) is my mom’s sister and is 90. Our deepest sympathy to both families as they mourn their loved ones. May God comfort them during this difficult time and always.

 I’ll share a recipe with you that was sent to me from a reader from Maryland. Thank you James.  James Coffey is the author of two canning books, Country Canning and Country Canning 2. 

Until next week…. God Bless!

DEER SCRAPPLE

3 quarts broth (from cooking bones)

3 cups corn meal

1 cup flour (whole wheat / buckwheat)

2 cups ground meat

1 1/2 teaspoon salt 

1 teaspoon black pepper (more or less)

Bring broth to a boil.  Add cooked meat. Mix corn meal and flour with water, then add to broth.  It should be the consistency of corn meal mush. Cook slowly for 30 minutes using a heavy pan. Pour into cake or loaf pans. When cold, slice and fry on both sides until golden. Can be frozen too.

 

Lovina’s Amish Kitchen is written by Lovina Eicher, Old Order Amish writer, cook, wife, and mother of eight. Her three cookbooks, The Cherished Table, The Essential Amish Cookbook, and Amish Family Recipes, are available wherever books are sold. Readers can write to Eicher at Lovina’s Amish Kitchen, PO Box 234, Sturgis, MI 49091 (please include a self-addressed stamped envelope for a reply); or email Questionsforlovina@gmail.com and your message will be passed on to her to read. She does not personally respond to emails.

Lettuce Eat Local: Here’s Pumpkin I’ve Been Thinking About

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Amanda Miller
Columnist
Lettuce Eat Local

 

Zucchini spice latte, anyone? What about a nice gingersnap cucumber cheesecake? Still no takers, hm, we could always do a squash custard pie. 

You probably see what I’m doing here — we are all about pumpkin sweets and pumpkin spice treats this time of year, but the rest of the curcubita family don’t get much love, at least not on the dessert table. 

There is at least one legitimate reason. Seasonality obviously matters, and fall harvest crops are better for, you know, fall, instead of the summer ones. I was thinking I was going to have more excuses for having pumpkin-colored glasses, but I’m struggling. I admit, there could be issues with a cucumber cheesecake, and I myself might balk slightly at the idea, yet I think it could be done with some open-minded recipe development. 

A “ZSL” has all the catchiness of a PSL, if not more; and I’ve definitely made squash custard pie before, both spaghetti squash and butternut squash versions. In fact, chances are that you have made squash pie too, since somehow it is legal to label a variety of canned squashes as canned pumpkin. (Pumpkins are a type of squash, but not all squashes are pumpkins.) 

I just find it interesting that we decided pumpkins should be almost exclusively utilized for sweet purposes. I’m as much a sucker for pumpkin-spiced anything as the next person — even though that simple terminology is annoying to me, since pumpkins are not spiced. They are also not inherently sweeter than other curcubits (except for melons, which I have conveniently omitted from this discussion…). Pumpkins’ sugar content is actually lower than other types like butternut, acorn, and delicata, not to mention lesser-known ones that actually sound sweet like carnival, honeynut, and sweet dumpling. 

In all this, I can’t be mad at however we use pumpkins, because I love them; plus how handy is it to have food that doubles as inside and/or outside decoration! We store them on porch steps and end tables…until we eat them. Oh, they work as kids’ chairs and toys, too, and Kiah loves to stumble around the house transporting pumpkins for unspecified reasons. 

I just think it’s time we branch out, making it more mainstream to use other winter squashes in cakes and pies, and work at accessing more of the pumpkin’s savory side. It’s not that it isn’t being done; I just encourage even more of it. I love meaty chunks of pumpkin within dishes like stews or roasted vegetables: not just pureed into things, but highlighting its own flavor too. 

Perhaps I’m inclined towards savory pumpkin for personal reasons as well, as I’ll never forget that the last recipe I submitted before my husband’s farming accident seven years ago was for chili-spiced sauteed pumpkin. That newspaper article found its way to the SICU waiting room after my first-of-many nights spent there, and the leftovers rotted in the fridge in the intervening weeks before I went home again. 

It might seem like an odd recipe to be sentimental about, yet even though thinking about it makes me feel sick to my stomach and I plan to never make it again, the memory fills my soul with deep thanksgiving. Our stories will always be full of the sweet and the salty, when our gratitude often mixes with our tears; if we go around the table saying what we’re thankful for this Thanksgiving, I’m not being trite or cliche if I say family. 

On a different level, I’ll mean it too if I say pumpkin pie, even if I secretly wish it were buttercup squash pie. 

 

Greens Salad with Roasted Pumpkin

With all the rich, heavy food typically on a Thanksgiving table, it’s always nice if there’s a fresh salad too. While I’m actually the one making pumpkin pie for our family’s celebration, I might cut up an extra pumpkin to dice and roast to have available for leftover-turkey salads. Like for essentially any vegetable (even though I know pumpkins are botanically fruits), a high-heat roast amplifies pumpkins’ natural flavor within, providing a nice flavor and texture complement to the rest of this salad. 

Prep tips: we had just the last few garden-rescued tomatoes to use…but if you don’t have homegrown, probably skip them this time of year and use another flavorful addition like roasted (or pickled!) beets or sweet red peppers.

1 small pumpkin, peeled and diced

salad greens of choice: lettuce, spinach, kale, etc

a couple tomatoes, large-diced and salted

queso fresco, ricotta, or other crumbly white cheese

salted roasted pumpkin seeds

simple vinaigrette: olive oil, balsamic vinegar, local honey, salt

Toss pumpkin with olive oil, salt, and pepper, and roast at 425° until browning and roasty, about half an hour. Let cool, then refrigerate (and/or enjoy some as a fresh hot side with a meal). 

Assemble salad by layering on all ingredients, saving extra pumpkin for another use. Season with salt and pepper. 

 

Lettuce Eat Local is a weekly local foods column by Amanda Miller, who lives in rural Reno County on the family dairy farm with her husband and two small children. She seeks to help build connections through food with her community, the earth, and the God who created it all. Send feedback and recipe ideas to [email protected].