Fake spring?

"Laugh Tracks in the Dust"

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I think I’m being taken in for a sucker by Mother Nature. She’s been dishing up so many warm sunny days in early March that I’m beginning to believe that spring has sprung. I suspect it’s a just nasty trick.

However, in spite of seeing my first migrating robins of the year, and in spite of hearing the mating calls of the resident cardinals for the past couple of weeks, and in spite of seeing some opening buds on flowing bushes, I keep recalling multiple snow storms, miserably cold dreary days, and killing freezes that have happened in recent years in March … and April … even early May.

But, what’s an old sucker like me to do in spring-like weather in March? Well, I go ahead and prepare for spring. Recently, my main goal has been to “manufacture” some gardening soil from moldy hay bales and the two dump truck loads of top soil we bought. I’ve been mixing the two with the tractor, front-end loader, and rototiller and wetting the piles down in hopes of speeding up decomposition of the organic matter.

Second, for the purpose of helping out my 81-year-old aching back, I bought four metal raised garden beds. The beds measure two feet deep, four feet wide, and eight feet long. Of course, they come shipped in multiple parts and with hundreds of bolts, nuts and washers. It took Nevah and I a couple of hours to put the first raised bed together. We can probably beat that time with the three other beds.

But, that’s not all. I also tilled up a medium-sized regular garden that I hope to raise tomatoes, potatoes, and some other veggies in. Only time and personal energy will determine if my gardening aspirations will exceed my capacity to achieve them.

Our son-in-law, Harley Ryder, used some of the new top-soil to level out our front lawn. If it ever rains again and the soil temperature gets to 60-degrees, I’ll re-plant the fescue that failed last November when I got it planted too late.

Harley also gave us a metal garden arch for landscaping use. I’ve got it sanded and ready to paint when I catch a rare day with no wind.

So, I guess I’m getting a bit of a head-start on gardening regardless of when spring really arrives.

***

I’ve been reading about an uptick in rural crime, particularly home break-ins and theft of home contents. Well, that news triggered a memory about a humorous story about a home break-in. Here’s the story:

A middle-aged rancher wuz sitting in the Dew Drop Inn one evening talking to his buddy and enjoying a cool brewski after an strenuous day of branding. The rancher said, “I forgot to tell you earlier that last night a burglar broke into our home. I got home late from the sale barn. The sale had a big run and I didn’t get home until after midnight.”

“Did the thief get anything?” his friend asks.

“Yep,” replied the rancher. “He got a broken jaw, two-black eyes, six teeth knocked out, a pair of broken ribs, and a sore crotch. My wife thought it was me coming home drunk.”

***

If there’s any science that qualifies as “inexact or pseudo science,” it is science into human nutrition. Seems the latest and greatest pseudo scientific nutritional recommendations are soon discarded and replaced by new pseudo findings. For instance, red meat, butter and eggs were a no-no not long ago. Now they’re highly touted. Recently, I saw a study that questioned the value of olive oils and the Mediterranean Diet. I could go on and on with similar researched flip-flops on nutrition.

Well, this week, I ran across new research that suggests ultra-processed foods can cause negative changes in the way we learn, remember and feel. These foods supposedly act like addictive substances, researchers say. And, some of the pseudo-scientists are even proposing a new mental-health condition called “ultra-processed food-use disorder.”

I think that’s hogwash. To me the bottom line on human nutritional research is that money buys results. Fork over enuf cash for the study and the results will be what you want.

As for my personal diet. My “balanced diet” has gotten me to 81 years. I eat lots to meat, fish, shrimp, cheese, green veggies, whole grains, nuts and fresh fruits. Then, I balance them with substantial intake of potato chips, ice cream, cookies, cake, pie and candy.

I know that someday my balanced diet will fail. But, so far, so good. It’s got decades of success behind it — and I’ve got the pot-belly to prove it!

***

I see where the U.S. Military Academy — in my opinion — went to sleep getting “woke.” Apparently, West Point will no longer will use the motto “Duty, Honor, Country” in its mission statement. That phrase, which was highlighted in a famous speech by Gen. Douglas MacArthur in 1962, will be replaced by “To build, educate, train, and inspire the Corps of Cadets to be commissioned leaders of character committed to the Army Values and ready for a lifetime of service to the Army and Nation.”

The wordsmith in me says that West Point’s motto change replaces “clear and concise” with “gobbledegook.” It was not needed.

***

Words of wisdom for the week: “Speaking of old age and energy, at my age it seems as if I’ve put in a half-day’s work by the time I put on my underwear and socks in the mornings and haven’t fallen down. If I cut my toe nails, too, I’ve put in a full day’s work.”

And, remember, “When life is sweet, say thank you and celebrate. When life is bitter, say thank you and grow.”

Have a good ‘un.

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