Laugh tracks in the dust

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I’m starting this column on the evening of the full moon — and it’s beautiful on this cool, crisp autumn night. Our view of the heavens and the skies out here in God’s country are wonders to behold.

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Folks, I think ol’ Nevah and I have moved into the upper echelons of rural society — thanks to our now having HIS and HER riding lawn mowers. Nevah has the new lawnmower and I have the old one. She also lays ownership to the newest car and I have the two old pickups. However, I have the only tractor and WE have the ATV. I think it’s a rather typical marriage in these respects.

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The garden is kaput! After the killing frost, I finished it off for the year. Of interest is the fact that we harvested nearly a bushel of sweet potatoes from only two plants. One of the yams wuz the size of a football.

The final crop wuz lima beans and cowpeas. The limas and the cowpeas have been producing since mid-August and combined with the dried green beans and pole beans that I shelled, we’ve got plenty for ham and beans this winter.

This has been one of the most successful gardening years in recent memory. The sweet corn, potatoes, tomatoes, peppers, green beans and dry beans were record crops. Plus, we’ve got a few frozen peas, canned carrots and frozen okra to devour at our pleasure. The onion crop wuz just so-so and it’s already gone into salsa, etc.

The apple crop wuz pretty poor, but we harvested all we wanted to can and freeze. Plus, thanks to our generous neighbors, we have plenty of canned pears and peaches.

And, the best part is that we had such a bountiful garden that we were able to share lots of it to our family and friends. It just goes to show that timely rains can be as beneficial as plentiful rains.

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We’ve got a problem with a black and white “stinky kitty” here at Damphewmore Acres. There’s a skunk hanging around our home and barns, but we only see it at night and in locations where I dare not dispatch it without putting ourselves in a position of smelling “skunky” around the premises for much of the winter.

I know it’s only a matter of time until Mr. Skunk burrows into the chicken house and enjoys a chicken dinner. So, my hope is that I can catch the skunk away from the buildings some evening and do away with it there. I’ll just have to be patient and wait for an opportune time.

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I heard a cute, true story that happened decades ago, back in the mid-1900s, shortly after tractors made the farm scene and replaced horsepower.

It seems there wuz a cute young single farm gal in the neighborhood who developed a secret crush on one of the up-and-coming farmers in the community. But, the farmer had no idea that the gal had her sights on him.

As it happened, the farmer had to frequently drive his new tractor on the road right past the young gal’s home. Over time, the gal learned what the farmer’s tractor engine sounded like coming down the road.

So, the gal kept her ears tuned in for the farmer’s “tractor sound” and when she heard his tractor coming her way, she always “happened” to be sweeping the dirt from her front porch and always smiled broadly and waved vigorously when the

“light of her heart” drove buy.

And, you know what? Her romantic ploy worked. Eventually, the gal “swept” her swain off his feet and into her life. They’ve been happily married ever since.

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Thanks to R & R in Colorado for this story. An aggie public speaker, ol’ Makin Lafz, is in the midst of a long dry spell in Las Vegas. Eventually he gambles away all his money and has to borrow a quarter from another gambler just to use the men’s room. He finds a stall that happens to be open and pockets the quarter.

Believing that his luck has finally changed, Makin puts the quarter in a slot machine and hits the jackpot. He takes his winnings and goes to the blackjack table and turns his modest winnings into a million dollars.

Wealthy beyond his wildest dreams, Makin increases his bookings and fees and he always tells his audience his incredible story. He tells his audiences that he will always be eternally grateful to his benefactor, and if he ever finds the man, he will share his fortune with him.

After months of speaking, a man in the audience jumps up and says, “I’m that man. I was the one who gave you the quarter.”

Makin eyes the man closely and sez, “Yes, I remember you well, but you aren’t the one I’m looking for. I am looking for the guy who left the stall door open!”

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The airways are mercifully devoid of all those irritating negative political ads. It will be interesting to see if the majority party can and will do constructive things for our blessed nation, or if they will mess up their opportunity. I’m hopeful, but not particularly optimistic.

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I’ll close with some wise words about gambling. Hunter Thompson said, “There are many harsh lessons to be learned from gambling, but the harshest one is learning the difference between having fun and being smart.” I agree. Have a good ‘un.

 

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