In my downsizing of personal belongings and personal writings, I uncovered a long-misplaced box of my original “Milo Yield” columns, dating from the first one February 5, 1974. Those long-ago days were when the only way to archive written “stuff” wuz to make a Xerox copy of it on paper. So, that’s what I did.
The “discovery” led me to thinking that next February will mark the 50th anniversary of my weekly column. As I read through some of the old columns, I wuz struck by the fact that many topics in the agriculture community haven’t gone away with time — they just keep re-occuring.
So, on occasion, and as the notion strikes me, I’m gonna dig out portions of those old columns and re-print them. Kind of like putting lipstick on a pig.
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Here’s the first one. It’s taken from Vol. 8, No. 5 (March 4, 1981). The region apparently at that time wuz suffering through a drought similar to the one it’s suffering through today. Here’s what I wrote:
“A number of communities are in really bad shape from a lack of water. In some communities, water rationing is in effect and I’m hearing that some folks are having to sell off their hogs becuz they don’t have enuf water for ‘em.
“I didn’t realize how serious the water situation really wuz until I started getting fan mail letters with the postage stamps pinned on, rather than licked.”
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From the same 1981 column, when rampant economic inflation was a hot topic, just like it is today, I also wrote:
“President Reagan’s proposed budget cuts have got everyone howling for relief. I heard that one popular program for agriculture — the RIPOFF program — is going to be scrapped. I’ve discussed the program in past columns, but for you folks not familiar with it, the acronym stands for ‘Restore Inferior Pastures On Federal Funds.’
I know scrapping the program will hurt a lot of farmers who use the funds to improve their pastures, but we’ve all got to bite the bullet a bit if we’re gonna whip inflation, don’t we?
“Speaking of whipping inflation, I named an unruly colt of mine Mr. Inflation so that I could truthfully tell my friends that I’m whipping Inflation.”
***
Now, back to the present. I see our esteemed federal government now has an official “Office of Environmental Justice.” Since it’s fact, not fiction, I put forth the first nominee group to be compensated monetarily for environmental injustice.
It’s all the thousands of farmers and ranchers in the U.S. who have suffered economically from “environmental injustices” such as not enuf rain, too much rain, too much dust, too much mud, tornadoes, hurricanes, calf-killing blizzards and crop-scorching heat waves, and even ever-hungry carnivores.
I need to be compensated for the chickens the federally protected hawks and falcons have killed down through the years. Let’s just call it “environmental reparations.”
I’ll get off my soap box now.
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Here’s a funny I heard that I love. A politician from a rural state sought spiritual advice from the bishop of his church. The bishop advised him to “go out into the rain and lift your head heavenward. It will bring a revelation to you.”
The politician did as bid and reported back to his bishop the next day saying, “I followed your advice to a T and no revelation came. The water poured down my neck and I felt like a danged fool.”
“Well,” said the bishop, “I’d say that’s quite the revelation for your first try.”
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Two farm kids were talking about the drudgery of their domestic chores and their allowances.
The sister asked her brother, “Did dad promise you anything if you finish planting all these potatoes today?”
The brother replied, “No, but he promised me something if I didn’t!”
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After our big garage sale a couple of weeks ago, I still have one item left to sell that might be of interest to some column reader. Here it is:
• All equipment and accessories necessary for making homemade wine or beer, including 5-gallon glass carboy. This is not ship-able. $75.
I also have several hundred cassette tapes of music of all genres. I realize it’s all outdated, but I hate to just send it to the landfill. I’ll give away the entire collection for free to anyone who wants to pick it up or pay the shipping.
If you’re interested, my email is [email protected] or call 620-344-1350.
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Here a few words of wisdom for the week: “The difference between college and life is this: In college, you’re taught a lesson first and then given a test. In life, you’re usually given a test which teaches you a valuable lesson.”
Have a good ‘un.
