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Tolls are still being paid 68 years after Kansas Turnpike opened. Here’s why.

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On Oct. 24, 1956, the Kansas Turnpike opened to the public and, for the first and only time in its history, allowed people to drive its roads without paying tolls.

The mood was celebratory at the ribbon cutting, with Hollywood star and country singer Gene Autry providing entertainment to the more than 5,000 cars that used the turnpike on the first day.

Kansas followed a trend of public-private partnerships to construct freeways at a time when federal funding for such projects was scarce.

The drivers on the first day assumed the roads would one day be free after the bonds that funded its construction were paid off. But over the years, new bonds were issued, and the Kansas Turnpike Authority has remained a separate entity from the state. It still tolls the 120,000 drivers that use its thoroughfare.

Months before Kansas opened the road to the public, then-President Dwight D. Eisenhower authorized $25 billion — which is more than $200 billion in today’s dollars — to construct an interconnected interstate highway system across the United States.

The Kansas Turnpike was grandfathered into this system. It now includes 236 miles of I-70 from Kansas City to Topeka, I-335 from Topeka to Emporia and the I-35 from Emporia to the Oklahoma border. During the first couple of years, drivers could expect to pay 1.7 cents per mile traveled on the roadway.

Federal funds decreased the number of roads being constructed under tolls, until the 2000s when a lack of federal funding and the proliferation of electronic tolling made the option more attractive.

On July 1, Kansas Turnpike joined these more modern toll roads when it implemented cashless tolling.

The move to cashless tolling

The cashless system using K-Tags and mailed bills is a massive departure from the cash system used since the turnpike’s founding. The turnpike’s CEO Steve Hewitt estimates the implementation of cashless tolling will cost the KTA about $100 million when all the projects are wrapped up.

“We expected that from when we began the project five years ago, actually dove into the numbers. So it’s going to be close to ($100 million), maybe slightly under, but all in all, it’s going to be pretty close to that once we finish all the demolition, and reconfigure those locations,” Hewitt said.

The ongoing costs are less clear, with the KTA still having upfront costs that will roll over into future budgets as the KTA continues tweaking its websites, ensuring efficiency in its camera systems and fulfilling its contractual obligations to those who built the cashless tolling system.

But Hewitt said the costs will be worth it in the long run.

“We know we’re going to have a savings,” he said. “There’s an efficiency to cashless tolling. The efficiency happens year after year.”

Last year, the KTA spent about $4.8 million on toll collection, a figure that has decreased over the past couple of years. In 2015, toll collection cost the KTA nearly $10 million, but costs since then have steadily declined. Hewitt said over time about 70% of that spending will be reduced as the turnpike employs fewer people in toll collection.

Most of the tollbooth employees did retire, but others are moving to different jobs in customer service, maintenance and upkeep of the K-Tag system. The transition began more than five years ago when the turnpike committed to cashless tolling.

“One of the reasons that we decided to invest in a cashless system is because not only was 69% of our toll collection workforce coming up on retirement age, but we had to make an investment in technology,” said Rachel Bell, director of business services and customer relations at KTA. “Because our cash collection equipment was at the end of its life, we were either going to have to replace the technology in the booth, or go with the cashless system.”

Tolls make up the lion share of the turnpike’s revenue, with about $140 million collected last year out of $154 million in total revenues. It also makes money renting out retail spaces along the turnpike and investments, according to the KTA’s annual report.

How does the KTA spend its money?

The KTA spent $95 million in 2023, with the biggest expense being $32 million of “preservation costs on modified infrastructure assets.”

That is the nonroutine maintenance that requires a contractor.

“Preservation is going to be like when we hire a contractor. We spend money on major bridge repair, re-decking, major overlays, drainage items, you know, those are the big asset items that maintain the preservation make sure system is up to the quality standards that needs to be,” Hewitt said.

The more routine maintenance is handled by KTA staff and costs the turnpike about $12 million per year, bringing total costs preserving the roadway to about $50 million.

Administration costs are the KTA’s second largest expense at $25 million a year.

Administration costs have ballooned over the past several years, costing just $11.6 million in 2016. Adjusted for inflation that would be about $15 million in today’s dollars according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics.

In 2018, the first fiscal year that the KTA started working on cashless tolling, the administration budget jumped from $13 million to $18 million and steadily grew to the $25 million it accounted for in 2023.

Hewitt said the increase can be attributed to the increased capacity of its call center, upfront costs implementing the cashless system, more requirements for the IT department and post-COVID inflation.

“There’s a multitude of factors why costs grow, which is to maintain it from a staffing standpoint, all the things it takes to cover the in maintain the Turnpike, those costs have kind of across the board gone up,” Hewitt said.

Executive pay is also factored into the administration budget, but salaries of the top earners at the KTA hasn’t risen drastically over the past decade with director-level employees earning salaries between $150,000 to $200,000 a year.

Hewitt, the chief executive and highest-paid KTA employee, first exceeded $200,000 in fiscal year 2022, and got a $30,000 pay bump the next year. He is still making less than the former CEO Michael Johnston did in 2013 when he made almost $500,000 after 18 years in the role.

KTA and KDOT expenses compared

The Kansas Department of Transportation has a broader mandate and more roadways to construct and preserve, and its budget reflects that with about $2.3 billion allocated for the current fiscal year. It is responsible for the maintenance of 10,000 miles of the state’s highway system, but also has money going to such different forms of travel as rail, aviation and public transportation.

With no tolls to generate their revenue, the KDOT’s budget is funded through the State Highway Fund. That fund gets about 16% of all sales tax, 24 cents per gallon of gas pumped in the state, proceeds from vehicle registration, titling and permit fees, and reimbursements from federal and local partners.

Its highest expense is construction, which is estimated at $1.4 billion for financial year 2025. That includes all the right-of-way purchases, design, construction supervision and material testing involved with constructing and preserving roadways. The maintenance budget at $179.8 million is nearly an order of magnitude lower than what the department spends on construction.

“The Maintenance Program contains all regular highway and bridge maintenance functions performed by the state. Regular maintenance activities are designed to preserve, repair, and restore the roadway system to its designed or accepted standards,” said Brendan Yorkey, finance and budget chief of the Kansas Department of Transportation.

KDOT and KTA calculate their cost to preserve the roadway differently, with the KTA factoring in all costs associated with their business into their figures. When dividing the total budget into the number of lane-miles, KTA spends about $95,000-per-lane-mile annually.

KDOT, however, just factors in maintenance in its cost, which came out to just $4,700-per-lane-mile in fiscal year 2023. When dividing the KTA’s $12 million maintenance budget to the approximately 1,000 lane-miles in KTA’s system, it comes to about $12,000.

When calculating KDOT’s per-lane costs in the same way KTA does, by dividing the total budget by lane-miles in the system, KDOT spends more than $91,000 per lane-mile.

“It’s really apples and oranges,” Hewitt said. “KDOT does a great job at what they do, but they have a tremendous amount more lane miles than we do. But we have a certain reputation and expectation a customer service standpoint because we’re trying to get customers to us.

“And so, we have a higher standard when it comes to what we want to make sure we’re investing in the roadway.”

Will the tolls on the Kansas turnpike ever end?

When the turnpike was constructed, most people had the impression that the tolls were a temporary means to construct the highway and that the 266-mile-turnpike would be transferred to the state. Before the ubiquity of an interstate highway system, people who saw less benefit from a highway were less eager to use tax dollars to fund road projects that primarily benefited urban economic centers.

“The turnpike will automatically belong to the state of Kansas after it is paid for by its users’ tolls. Meanwhile the state is out no taxes, no levies for any phase of construction or operation. The good name of an asset like that will be worth preserving,” The Topeka State Journal reported on Oct. 26, 1956.

The statutes governing the roadway back then still apply, and once all KTA bonds are paid off the turnpike would revert ownership to KDOT. However, the turnpike currently has $94 million in outstanding bonds and with interest the turnpike is expected to pay $130 million until the bond schedule ends in 2039.

But Hewitt expects there will be more bonds in the future that will keep the turnpike as its own separate entity from the state.

“It’s going to be a challenge to never have debt,” he said. “That debt helps us spread that out to keep our tolls low and not just wipe out reserves and reserves are so important.”

Hewitt said there is a $50 million expense incoming with the K-10 interchange and another $300 million to continue widening lanes on I-70.

“We’re still an asset to KDOT, from a standpoint that KDOT isn’t forced to use taxpayer dollars to maintain our tour in 36 miles,” he said. “And so we put that money right back in the system, we put that money right back into the economy. We had a economic assessment done a few years back, you know, we’re putting nearly $250 million back in the Kansas economy — 12% of the Kansas economy runs through our system.”

He said about half of the traffic on the turnpike is from out of state, and a lot of the toll revenue comes from freight trucking rather than typical commuters. The Kansas turnpike does have cheap fares when compared to other turnpikes, with a standard vehicle charged 4.8 cents per mile with a K-Tag, or 9.6 cents per mile without a K-Tag.

Kansas leaders have considered absorbing turnpike authority in years past

Officials have toyed with absorbing the KTA for decades.

In 1993, Kansas State Sen. Alicia Salisbury, R-Topeka, said the ongoing tolls weren’t what the state envisioned when it created the KTA. Her father Herbert Lang was considered the “father of the turnpike,” according to a Capital-Journal article.

“I don’t remember if he said it was going to be a freeway in 10 years or 50 years or when. But that was his explanation to his daughter,” she told The Capital-Journal in 1993.

At that time, the KTA’s initial bond cycle that funded construction of the road was coming to an end of its first bond cycle, but the KTA refinanced to repair roadways, put new decks on most of the turnpike’s bridges and erect a concrete safety barrier in the highway’s median.

The new bonds issued since then will run until 2040.

As reported in the Topeka Capitol Journal

How 21 Kansas cities got their unique names

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Four men who founded Cawker City in 1870 in north-central Kansas played poker against each other to win the right to name it.

The winner, Col. E.H. Cawker, named the city after himself.

A community of about 450 people in Mitchell County, Cawker City is perhaps best known for being home of the world’s largest ball of twine.

It is among numerous incorporated cities in Kansas with names that are interesting and unique. Following are 20 others.

Topeka means ‘a good place to dig potatoes’

The name of the state’s capital city — Topeka, located in Shawnee County in northeast Kansas — comes from an Ioway Tribe word meaning “a good place to dig potatoes.” That name was chosen by founders of the city, which has a population of about 126,000.

Cherokee got that name by mistake

A city of about 600 in southeast Kansas, Cherokee’s residents incorporated it under that name because they thought it was located in Cherokee County, the city’s website says. Actually, the city of Cherokee was — and still is — in Crawford County.

Dexter was named after a horse

Dexter, a city with a population of about 225 in Cowley County in southeast Kansas, was named after a famous and successful racing trotter horse owned by Robert Bonner of New York, says the city’s website.

Grenola was created by combining ‘Greenfield’ and ‘Canola’

Grenola, population 151, was formed after the Atchison, Topeka & Santa Fe Railway built a railroad halfway between the rival communities of Greenfield and Canola, which stood three miles apart in Elk County in southeast Kansas. Residents of those communities responded by establishing a new town along the railroad, naming it “Grenola” and moving there, Frank Wilson Blackmar wrote on page 796 of a an encyclopedia of the state’s history published in 1912.

Great Bend got that name for being located at a ‘great bend’ in a river

Great Bend, a city of about 15,000 people in Barton County in central Kansas, received that name because it is located on a “great bend” in the Arkansas River, says page 145 of a Kansas Historical Society report published in 1916.

Council Grove got that name after an agreement was reached at a council there between American settlers and the Osage Nation, allowing settlers’ wagon trains to pass westward through the area on the Santa Fe Trail, said the website of the National Park Service. Pioneers gathered at a grove of trees, so their wagons could band together for their trip west, it said.

Osawatomie was named by combining ‘Osage’ and ‘Potawatomi’

Osawatomie, city of about 4,300 people in Miami County in east-central Kansas, got its name by combining the names of the Osage and Potawatomi tribes, says the city’s website.

Argonia was named after heroes in Greek mythology

Argonia, a city with a population of about 450 in Sumner County in south-central Kansas, was named after the “Argonauts,” a group of heroes in Greek mythology whose mission was to find the legendary Golden Fleece, the city website says. Argonia residents in 1887 elected Susanna Madora Salter as the first woman mayor in the U.S.

Gas got its name from its area’s abundance of natural gas

Gas, a city of about 475 people in Allen County in southeast Kansas, got its name from the abundance of natural gas found in the area where it’s located, says the city’s website.

Junction City got that name because it’s located at a junction of two rivers

Junction City, a city of about 23,000 in Geary County in north-central Kansas, got that name because it was established at the junction of the Republic and Smoky Hill rivers, where the Kansas River is formed, according to the website of Junction City Main Street, an organization created to spur economic development in that city’s downtown area.

Liberal was where an early settler became known for giving away water

Liberal, a city of about 20,000 in Seward County in southwest Kansas, got that name after an early settler there became known for giving away water to thirsty travelers, who would respond, “That’s very liberal of you,” said the city’s website. Liberal is known for taking part each Shrove Tuesday in a friendly competition with the city of Olney, England, in which women of both communities run 415 yards down the streets flipping pancakes.

Olathe’s name came from Shawnee Tribe word for ‘beautiful’

The name of Olathe, which has a population of about 141,000 and is located in Johnson County in northeast Kansas, comes from the Shawnee Tribe word for “beautiful,” says the city’s website.

Kanorado combines ‘Kansas’ and ‘Colorado’

Kanorado, a city of about 150 in Sherman County in northwest Kansas, was given that name — a combination of “Kansas and Colorado” — because it is located right along the Kansas/Colorado state line, according to the “Travel Kansas” website.

El Dorado means ‘a place of fabulous wealth or opportunity’

“El Dorado,” exclaimed one of its founders, Joseph Cracklin, upon first seeing the site of that community, which is now home to about 13,000 people in Butler County in south-central Kansas, says the city’s website. “El Dorado” is Spanish for “a place of fabulous wealth or opportunity.”

Abbyville was named after baby Abby

Abbyville, population 83, is in Reno County in south-central Kansas. It is named after Abby McLean, the first baby born there.

Neodesha named after Osage Tribe word meaning ‘where waters meet’

The name of Neodesha, a city with a population of about 2,300 at the confluence of the Verdigris and Fall rivers in Wilson County in southeast Kansas, comes from an Osage Tribe word meaning “where waters meet,” says the city website.

Emporia was named after an ancient coastal city in northern Africa

Emporia, a city of about 24,000 people in Lyon County in east-central Kansas, was named after a flourishing ancient market center that was located on the northern coast of Africa and had been founded by the Greeks, says the website of that city’s Chamber of Commerce.

Stockton got that name in an effort to attract a railroad

Stockton, a city with a population of about 1,480 in Rooks County in north-central Kansas, got that name because stock raising was its only industry at the time and residents thought being named “Stockton” would help attract a railroad there, says a website detailing the history of that county. “The hope that the town would become a livestock center never materialized,” the site said. “However, the coming of the railroad would prove to be essential in maintaining Stockton as a viable community.”

Paxico got anglicized version of name of Native American medicine man

Paxico, a city of about 210 people in Wabaunsee County in northeast Kansas, was given a name that was an anglicized version of “Pashqua,” which was the name of a Native American medicine man who lived in the area on the banks of Mill Creek, says the Travel Kansas website.

Alton received that name to replace ‘Bull City’

historical marker at Alton, population about 100 in Osborne County in north-central Kansas, tells how Hiram C. Bull and Lyman T. Earl set out from Cawker City and established that community in 1870, with a coin toss resulting in its initially being named Bull City instead of Earlville. Bull and two other men were killed in 1879 by Bull’s pet elk. Some residents subsequently sought torename the city “Alton,” after Alton, Illinois. The historical marker says, “So after a legal petition to change the name failed, a fraudulent petition was sent to Washington. D.C., with the signatures cut from a popular road petition and pasted to the name change petition.” The city’s name was then changed, it says.

As reported in the Topeka Capitol Journal

Foraging for good value, but alfalfa losing ground doing so

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Land planted to alfalfa across the United States for 2024 has been pegged at 15.6 million acres, according to the U.S. Department of Agriculture’s National Agricultural Statistics Service survey of farmers in early June, as reported in the June Acreage report that was released June 28. If realized, plantings will essentially be unchanged from 2023, hovering near the historical low as shown in the following chart. However, since 2000, alfalfa area has shed nearly 10 million acres.

Alfalfa plantings in the High Plains region have been consistently around 7.7 million acres since 2012 and are expected to total 7.6 million for 2024, which would be an increase of 1.4% from 2023. Alfalfa area across the High Plains averaged about 10 million acres from 2000 through 2005 before steadily declining to its current level.

The area planted to alfalfa in the High Plains region represents nearly one-half of the U.S. total. Across the region, Montana and South Dakota represent more than 45% of the area planted to alfalfa.

Alfalfa yield across the U.S. varies from one year to the next, dropping as much as 11.5% during the 2012 drought year and 7.6% in the rebound year of 2013. However, alfalfa yield has been trending lower since at least 2000. The U.S. alfalfa yield was 3.2 tons per acre during 2023.

In the Northern Plains, alfalfa yield has trended lower since 2000. For 2023, the alfalfa yield across the Northern Plains was 3.3 tons per acre. Alfalfa yield is shown in the accompanying chart.

With area shrinking and yield dragging lower, alfalfa production has been falling. U.S. alfalfa production exceeded 80 million tons in 2000 and has trended lower to 50 million tons since 2021. High Plains alfalfa production has dropped from 30 million tons to around 20 million since 2021.

Alfalfa crop value has been encouraging

Despite falling area and yields, resulting in lower production, alfalfa’s bright spot has been its improved value. During 2022, alfalfa values peaked at $240 per ton, using USDA-NASS data. For 2023, the value fell 12% to $212 per ton.

Alfalfa values across the High Plains generally lag the national level, averaging $207 per ton during 2023, a drop of 5.6% from the record level during 2022. Alfalfa crop values are shown in the following figure.

Given the results of the USDA-NASS survey of farmers who expect to harvest alfalfa from 15.6 million acres during 2024 and using a trend yield of 3.2 tons per acre, production will increase 1% to 50.4 million tons. For the High Plains, production could increase 1.1% to 21.5 million tons.

The high value reported for alfalfa is needed to offset higher costs farmers have experienced with fuel, irrigation, inputs (seed, fertilizer and pest control), transportation and higher interest rates. While some of these costs have eased, many remain at elevated levels, and the impact hits the bottom line as higher costs have a compounding, accumulative effect.

Absorbing costs over the long run impacts what farmers plant and how well they treat what they plant. With plentiful supplies of corn and other feed ingredients available to the market, livestock producers may forgo using alfalfa, substituting with other feed components. As substitution ensues and less alfalfa is consumed, the crop value could retreat further.

Despite changing alfalfa crop patterns, alfalfa remains an important crop for agriculture

Alfalfa is a valuable livestock feed for dairy cows, beef cattle, calves and other livestock. Alfalfa’s attributes are beneficial to the soil and crops that follow where it was planted and harvested. Production may have slipped, but alfalfa’s value has held ground and will continue to be an important and meaningful crop across the High Plains.

 

WASDE’S old crop ending stocks caught eye of analyst

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he July World Agricultural Supply and Demand Estimates report was in line with most production expectations, according to one analyst.

Naomi Blohm, a senior market adviser with Total Farm Marketing by Stewart-Peterson, expects more production adjustments in the August report. She also noted an unexpected change in old crop ending stocks for corn and soybeans.

Corn

The July 12 report noted that U.S. corn outlook is for larger supplies with great domestic use and exports and slightly and lower ending stocks of 1.877 billion bushels. Corn beginning stocks were lowered 145 million bushels by mostly reflecting a greater use forecast for 2023-24. Exports were raised 145 million bushels based on current outstanding sales and shipments to date.

“The eyebrow-raising point that made the trade stop in its tracks was how the U.S. Department of Agriculture reduced old crop ending stocks,” Blohm said.

A month ago the estimate was for 2.022 billion bushels.

Corn production for 2024-25 is forecast to go up 240 million bushels as a result of greater planted acres and higher projected harvested acres, WASDE stated. The yield was unchanged at 181 bushels per acre.

Total corn use was raised 100 million bushels with increases in both feed and residual use and exports based on larger supplies and lower expected prices. With use rising slightly more than supply, ending stocks were down 5 million bushels. The season-average farm price received by producers was lowered 10 cents to $4.30 a bushel.

Global corn stocks, at 311.6 million tons, are up 0.9 million tons.

In 2024-25, the report calls for larger corn exports for the U.S. with reductions for Russia and the EU.

Soybeans

Soybean production is projected at 4.4 billion bushels, down 15 million bushels on a projected lower harvested area, according to WASDE. The harvested area, forecast at 85.3 million acres in the June acreage report, is down 0.3 million acres. The soybean yield forecast is unchanged at 52 bushels per acre. With slightly lower beginning stocks, reduced production and unchanged use, ending stocks for 2024-25 are projected at 435 million bushels, down 20 million bushels from June.

Old crop ending stock were also reduced, and now they are at 345 million bushels, down from 350 million bushels in June, Blohm said.

The U.S. season-average soybean price for 2024-25 was forecast at $11.10 per bushel, down 10 cents from a month ago, the report stated. Soybean meal and oil prices are unchanged at $330 per short ton and 42 cents per pound, respectively.

Global soybean beginning stocks for 2024-25 are being increased slightly with higher stocks for China, but mainly offset by lower stocks for Argentina, Brazil and Paraguay due to revisions for 2023-24. China has revised its soybean imports for 2023-24 by 3 million tons to 108 million tons on larger-than-anticipated arrivals expected in the fourth quarter of the marketing year.

With slightly higher beginning stocks, lower global production and relatively small changes to use in 2024-25, global soybeans stocks were reduced 0.1 million tons to 127.8 million tons on lower stocks for Argentina, Brazil, Paraguay, Russia, the European Union and the U.S., but mostly offset by higher stocks for China.

Because of the reduction of old crop ending stocks for corn and soybeans, Blohm said, new crop ending stocks came in below the average trade estimate heading into the July 12 report.

“The trade got excited about this this news; however, then reality set in. Corn carryout is set to be at 2 million bushels for another year, and soybean carryout continues to hedge higher,” she said. “This news allows us to have the need to put a weather premium back into the market quickly should Mother Nature have a trick up her sleeve come August.”

Wheat

Winter wheat production was forecast at 1.34 billion bushels, which was an increase from the previous month, the WASDE report stated. All wheat producer, according to a producer survey, was also raised from 134 million bushels to slightly over 2 billion bushels.

With larger supplies, exports in the latest report are forecast at 825 million bushels, an increase of 25 million bushels. Projected 2024-25 ending stocks are raised 98 million bushels to 856 million bushels, which is up 22% from a year ago and the highest in five years. The projected 2024-25 season-average farm price was reduced 80 cents a bushel to $5.70 a bushel on higher stocks.

Overall the global wheat outlook for 2024-25 is calling for larger supplies and consumption as supplies were increased 6.9 million tons to about 1.06 billion tons, primarily because of larger beginning stocks and higher production most notably with the United States, Pakistan and Canada. Those countries are also expected to increase their exports.

Other notables

Oat production was forecast up 15 million bushels, reflecting higher area in the acreage projection report and an increase in yield to a record 70.9 bushels per acre, according to WASDE. Barley production was lowered 11 million bushels on slightly lower area of harvested acres expected. Yield was projected at 74.2 bushels per acre. Sorghum production was reduced 15 million bushels based on the most recent report to a July total of 373 million bushels with a projected yield of 69.2 bushels per acre.

The all-rice yield was forecast at 7,645 pounds per acre, an increase of 10 pounds from the previous month.

Pets Make The Best People

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lee pitts

“Our perfect companions never have fewer than four feet.” Colette

I think I’m growing allergic to people. I never answer door when the nice folks from Jehovah’s Witness come around, I hardly ever pick up the phone because I can barely speak above a whisper, my wife has to fetch my prescription drugs for me because I’m fearful of catching something in the drugstore, I can’t stand being in a crowd (a crowd being three or more people), and as Andy Rooney once observed, “I have more friends than I have time to keep.” I also have the problem that I can’t remember anyone’s name. (I engraved a name badge for my wife.)

I wasn’t always a hermit but the COVID crises changed me. My doctors warned me that if I caught the dreaded disease there was a good chance it would kill me so I avoided people all together. Heck, I wouldn’t even talk to people on the telephone thinking the nasty virus could be carried over telephone or cable wires.

I was always kind of a loner and a recluse anyway who preferred the company of animals and during the two year COVID crises I relearned something I’ve known all along… pets make the best people.

One of the reasons I like dogs so much is they don’t have cell phones. At least not yet, anyway. Pets don’t invite you to lunch and then spend the entire time staring at their cell phones and then sticking you with the tab. That’s another great thing about pets, like me, they easily get bored with idle conversation. And dogs won’t act like they’re your friend and then try to ransom your computer like one scumbag recently did to me. Maybe a cat might try something like that but never a dog or a duck. Yes, I used to have two pet ducks named Chester and Charley and I miss them terribly. If you can watch a duck or a Berkshire hog go about its daily routine and it doesn’t bring a smile to your face then you are a very hard-hearted person indeed.

Whereas humans have mixed emotions and can love and hate you at the same time, animals can’t do that. They either love you or hate you. Period! And you’ll know right away. They’ll either try to scratch your eyes out or bite your arm off, or they’ll rub up against your leg looking for a gentle pet. That’s why they’re called ‘pets’.

Pets are apolitical too. At one time I figured all dogs were Republicans and all cats were Democrats or Progressives but I changed my mind when I met a Toy Poodle who was obviously a liberal, always looking for a handout and wouldn’t do a bit of work like a Border Collie or a police dog will do. I’m quite sure the Toy Poodle was an animal rightist too. So much for my theory that all dogs are Republicans.

I also like the fact that pets can keep a secret. Even though the canaries and parakeets I’ve owned tweeted or twittered non-stop they never spread nasty rumors. Pets are also very good listeners. You can share your innermost thoughts with them and they don’t charge $500 an hour like a psychiatrist would. I’m carrying around a lot of emotional baggage but I’ve never had to see a shrink for my depression and I attribute that to spending hours and hours on the couch with my pets, not some psycho-doc. Even my turtle, who I rarely see, has been good for my emotional well-being. We’ve stayed close over the years because we’ve stayed apart.

I’ve never once had a pet ask me to borrow money or my weedwhacker. Pets won’t steal you blind, they’re great at fetching things and even if they know you have no intention of leaving anything to them in your will they’ll still be your loyal friend. They’ll take a hard kick to the head trying to help you corral some cows, they’re the best theft deterrent system ever built and will do everything in their power to protect you. Even though we might make pets sleep outside, or we cage or tether them and perhaps even cook and eat them, pets will still be your best friend right up until their final breath.