New Year’s Eve, 2025, has come and gone and I hope you survived the celebration. When I started contemplating New Year’s Eve happenings from the past, I recalled a story I heard not long ago about a good ol’ rural fellow who had a part-time job as the night manager of a commercial bus station in a Kansas county seat town.
The story as told to me is this: This fellow, ol’ Tip D. Flask, liked to hit the bottle. On a New Year’s Eve back in the 1970s, Tip and a younger co-worker, Aiden A. Bett, ended their shift at the bus station after midnight with the task of cleaning the station and closing up for the night.
As told, ol’ Tip began hitting the bottle well before midnight and when the new year rang in, he wuz soused. When they locked the door to the station, Aiden saw clearly that Tip had no bizness driving to his home 15 miles away.
So, Aiden insisted that he drive Tip home. He helped the woozy, wobbly-legged Tip into Aiden’s car and off they went. Apparently, Tip wuz a happy drunk and he sang songs and slurred stories all the way home.
When they arrived at Tip’s home around 2 a.m., Aiden saw a clear problem. Tip’s wife wuz standing on the front porch with her arms crossed. Her stance gave every evidence that she wuz not a happy camper.
Not wanting to get in the middle of a family feud, Aiden unloaded Tip from the car, headed him in the right direction, and then sped away. Once he did that, his conscience kicked in and he told himself, “that’s no way to leave a good friend.”
So, Aiden turned around and went back to Tip’s home with the goal of helping his inebriated friend into the house. When he pulled up next to the Tip’s front yard, he saw Tip on his hands and knees on the lawn with his angry wife standing over him giving him the riot act.
Aiden apologized to Tip’s wife and offered to help get Tip into his bed. The wife agreed that would be helpful.
But, when Aiden tried to lift Tip to a standing position, Tip looked up at him, grinned big, and yelled out, “Don’t stand me up. I’ve got a good grip on the grass so I won’t fall off the lawn.”
At that clever impromptu quip, everyone started laughing — including Tip’s wife. Eventually, they got Tip to bed and everyone survived. But, the story persists.
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When it came to New Year’s Eve celebrations in my youth, I wuz not a choir boy. One true story, illustrates my lack of common sense and responsibility.
On the New Year’s Eve of my senior year in high school, my pappy, Czar E. Yield, took Mom and headed to her sister’s home in Springfield, Mo. He entrusted me with all the farm choirs, including milking our dozen or so milk cows.
Rather than rein-in my new year’s celebration, I went at it whole hog, I connived an older friend to poach me a bottle of the hard stuff before I went to a dance.
I’ll shorten this story to this. New Year morning I wuz so hung-over that I could not properly milk or feed the cows. That evening, I finally got all the chores caught up, but I think ol’ Czar knew the truth behind the shortage of milk in the milk cans.
But, he never accused me of anything. Perhaps, from his callow-youth, he had a few “best forgotten” new year’s story or two in his past.
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OK, let’s get serious for part of this column. Economists seem to agree that massive tariffs on many imported goods and services into the U.S. — as promised by soon-to-be-president Donald Trump –will wreak havoc on the national economy. The reason — they say the tariffs will negatively skew global trade and ultimately raise prices for American consumers.
As has been historically true in the U.S., the collected tariff monies will flow into the federal treasury for use as the government sees fit.
I can’t see how the tariffs will restore balanced trade or enhance reciprocal trade. I think they will invite retaliation by affected nations and companies.
Perhaps the goal of U.S. trade policy should be “balance of trade,” not free trade. Balance of trade would work thusly: Rather than having the collected tariff monies go directly into the U.S. treasury, the collected tariffs are automatically deposited at a U.S. bank into a “trade escrow account” in the foreign trade entity’s name.
The deposited tariff money would collect interest payments until the foreign entity redeems its escrow funds by purchasing a like dollar amount of any goods or services from the U.S.
The foreign trade entity would forfeit its escrow funds to the U.S. federal government only if it fails to make a reciprocal trade within one-year of the escrow establishment.
The way I see this “balance of trade” system, the trade books end up balanced and U.S. labor rates, manufacturing standards, and living standards are safe-guarded.
In the long run, maybe it would help lift global standards of living. However, I’m not holding my breath for it to happen. I seriously doubt that Elon Musk reads my column.
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Going into the new year and a new administration, here are words of wisdom uttered by Founding Father Benjamin Franklin.
They are: ” They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety.”
Have a good ‘un.
