I read some news recently that should concern everyone with half a brain. Did you know that since animals, and I’m including humans here, became domesticated their brains have shrunk in size? The news is troubling because studies have confirmed that there is a high correlation between brain size and intelligence. This means that as animals have become more domesticated they have become dumber. Horse’s brains have shrunk 16% since they became domesticated, pig brains have shrunk a shocking 34%, dog brains have shrunk somewhere between 10 and 30% since they were first tamed and human brains have atrophied 10% over the last 30,000 years or so.

In addition to being dumber this Shrinkage Syndrome has other symptoms including docility, floppy ears, altered tails and smaller teeth. I certainly know my teeth have gotten smaller and my ears more floppy.

You don’t have to look any further to confirm these findings than Arizona cow country where it might take a section of ground to support one cow. In such wild and raw country it’s common to find feral cows that haven’t been domesticated by man and these untamed cows have used their additional brain size to outsmart man and remain in their uncivilized state, thus avoiding becoming someone’s hamburger. Often the only way to catch such cows is to send crazy cowboys, whose brains have not been shrunk by domestication, out to catch them.

We have only ourselves to blame for all this stupidity because humans are “self-domesticated”. One of the definitions of “domesticated” is “the process of making someone fond of, and good at, home life and all that it involves”. I think this means that every time a husband does the dishes because his wife told him to, his brain has shrunk and he got a little more ignorant, even if you didn’t think that was possible.

In addition to wives, man has clearly been domesticated by dogs. Every time you see a six foot tall guy walking a purse dog, stopping frequently to watch as their dog poops, that man has shrunk the brain and lowered the IQ of all future generations. So guys, cut it out. Just who is the “master” here? Your dog is making you look stupid. (Even more so than usual.)

The only thing humans can do to stop this dumbing down and further brain shrinkage is to become less domesticated and stop doing what your spouse, your dog or your government tells you to do. We must be more rebellious. Stop eating with a knife and fork and eat with you hands instead. Don’t apologize or try to hide a belch or passing gas. Stop mowing the lawn or anything else that makes you appear cultivated. And for gosh sakes, quit buying or riding in those little toy cars called EV’s (electric vehicles) that look like they belong on a ride at Disneyland. Buy the biggest one ton pickup you can find and infuriate the greenies by driving through nice quiet neighborhoods and letting your Cummins scream at two a.m.

I used to make fun of those guys who walk around with jeans that look like they have five rolls of nickels in one pocket and a pipe wrench in the other, whose pants look like they could fall off at any minute. Now I realize those guys are just being less domesticated, which is a good thing. The same for those senior citizen females who dye their hair pink and green. Ditto those guys who are sporting Mohawks or big buns of hair on top their head. Such actions could go a long way towards stopping future brain shrinkage.

Cowboys, who have a rebellious streak anyway, should ditch the familiar grey cowboy hat and start wearing either a black one or a ball cap that’s turned around backwards. Henceforth wear only square toed cowboy boots and stuff your jeans inside your boots that should be at least two feet tall. Cowboys should only date bad-to-the-bone cowgirls and cowgirls should quit looking for Mr. Right and instead marry their horse. (Hey, its been done before!) A horse husband will never come home drunk, eat in bed or leave you for some dimwitted lounge lizard.

So people, stop brain shrinkage… live life like a wild barn cat and future, more intelligent, generations will thank you for it.