Monday, February 16, 2026
Home Blog Page 506

Milk barn humor

By
Milo Yield
-
0
Thayne Cozart
Milo Yield

 

Now that I’ve passed 50 years of writing this weekly column, I’m granting myself the privilege to occasionally re-tell humorous events from my growing-up years. I say “re-tell” becuz I’d bet — though I can’t, for sure, remember — that I’ve told these stories before in columns decades ago.

If I have and you can remember them accurately back that many years, congratulations. I’m betting these long-ago stories will be new to you. At any rate, here goes the first story about milk barn humor. And, it’s a true story.

Back in the mid-1950s when I wuz in the 7th grade, we were living on a rented, rocky old poor farm north of Bronson, Kan., where the north and south headwater branches of the Osage River come together before heading to the Lake of the Ozarks in Missouri a couple hundred miles east.

Our main source of income wuz a small herd of about 10 milk cows, It wuz mixed breed, but most of them were Holsteins. Dad — ol’ Czar E. Yield — and I milked the cows by hand twice a day. I milked the two gentlest, easiest-to-milk cows and Dad all the rest.

We sold the milk in 10-gallon milk cans that the milk hauler picked up twice a week. Dad kept the milk cool by using a rope to lower the milk cans into the water of an open-top well.

Although the milking operation was rudimentary, at best, ol’ Czar did his level best to keep the milk clean. His cleanliness routine included a bucket of chlorine water that he used to wash the cows udders off before we milked them.

Well, we had one old Holstein cow who had a huge udder. She wuz easily our best milk producer, too. She also had the unfortunate happenstance of very often lying down in the cow lot with her udder in the middle of a fresh cow pie. That old cow frustrated Czar to no end, but he never wavered from the routine of washing the fresh manure off her udder before he milked her.

Therein, lies the humor of this story. One summer evening Czar and I were in the milk barn and it came time for Czar to milk the filthy-uddered Holstein. She wuz contentedly munching her ration in the wooden stanchion when Dad approached her to wash the manure from her huge, milk-filled udder.

As he bent down behind her and commenced to washing, I noticed that the old cow started raising her tail and humping her back. I knew full-well what those tell-tale signs meant. And, I knew it wuz going to end badly for Dad. But, I also knew it would be funny. So, I stayed mute and watched in slow-motion as a milk-barn mental home video for the ages unfolded in front of me.

With Czar still bent over under her tail, the old Holstein unleashed a torrent of warm cow urine. The stream hit dad at about the nape of his neck and knocked his cap off onto the dirt barn floor. Dad instantaneously pulled back — in plenty of time to see the old cow fill his cap to overflowing.

Needless to say, Czar wuzn’t happy about what happened. And, he wuz even more unhappy to see his impertinent son bent over in uncontrollable laughter. I thought I might be in for a good thrashing, but, luckily for me, it didn’t take Czar long to see the humor in the situation, too.

As he took a pitchfork and dragged his urine-soaked cap out of the mess and threw it on top of the manure pile outside, while still grinning — and mopping his neck with his handkerchief — he seriously told me, “You’ll never let that happen again, if you know what’s good for you.”

I’ll bet ol’ Dad is laughing again looking down from on high.

***

This story might or might not be true. You decide.

When I wuz a teenaged boy, I got a temporary job at a seed cleaning bizness operated by ol’ Kleenan Baggitt. It wuz during the fescue seed harvest and the new seed wuz coming in fast and furious.

One of my jobs wuz to stack seed sacks by hand in the warehouse. There were several of us young bucks working at the job. Naturally, as teenagers, we just had to know who could hand-stack sacks of seed the highest.

So, one morning the work crew faced a mountain of unstacked sacks. So, we each started our own pile. The piles of each boy got higher and higher. Finally, I knew I’d about reached my limit, but decided to put a herculean effort to toss one more sack onto the top of my pile.

Sadly, it didn’t work and the entire pile slowly tipped over and almost buried me beneath those sacks. And, I hurt my back, but not seriously.

However, and this is important, I did learn one life lesson. I learned the wisdom of always practicing “safe sacks.”

***

And old farmer wuz feeling poorly and went to his doctor to get a diagnosis. When his sawbones asked the farmer about his diet, the farmer told him that he’d switched to organic foods because he’d heard they were more healthful to eat than over-processed foods with lots of preservatives.

His doc looked at him and said, “Forget about organic foods. At your age, you need all the preservatives you can get.”

***

Words of wisdom for the week. “This era on Earth will go down in history as the Dumb Age.”

Have a good ‘un

 

Highway Construction Finally Completed

By
Frank Buchman
-
0
Frank J Buchman
Frank Buchman

“Is the highway open yet?”

That question has been asked and responded to dozens of times in the past several months.

“Yes.” After more than a year, the ranch front highway to cities north and south has traffic going by. Official opening was weeks ago, but painting and signage construction has continued in recent days.

While the project seemed like it would never get done, talk about the renovation has been ongoing for years. Each time a schedule was announced, another highway or bridge took priority moving the date back.

The project was deemed necessary to make the highway safer which included widening, straightening, and reducing blind spots. It was a two-phase effort, so detours were not as long as rebuilding 30-plus miles all at one time.

As with any construction, the “new” highway is far from perfect, but nobody has denied “much better than before.” If one accident let alone a fatality is prevented, it’s worth the cost and time-consuming hassle.

The South half of the project was the most frustrating because drivers were forced to drive on gravel. Detour signs were either nonexistent or confusing, so many commuters became lost in the countryside.

Regardless of what the destination was, it took twice as long to get there, not considering all the flat tires.

The North half of the construction required more time because a large bridge was replaced to meet railroad specifications. Additionally, straightening the highway required tearing out some pasture hills.

Large modern bulldozers and land moving equipment with knowledgeable operators made the major project possible. One wonders how the original highway construction through prairieland was even possible decades ago.

At least there were decent highways to travel on these north detours which were more clearly marked. Yet all the roadways were very narrow and crooked requiring considerable time and caution.

Seemingly impossible to count the number of truckloads of dirt and gravel the entire project must have required. There was a constant flow of construction crews coming and going for the endeavor.

Uncertain about the total cost of the completed highway project and really don’t care to know. But every taxpayer had to help pay for it.

Reminded of Isaiah 40:4 “Make the road straight and smooth, fill in the valleys, level off the hills, a highway fit for our God.”

+++ALLELUIA+++

XVIII–7–2-11-2024

Tails No Longer Docked On Famous Clydesdale Horses

By
Frank Buchman
-
0

 

Anheuser-Busch says it has ended its practice of cutting the tails of the famous Clydesdale horses used in Budweiser commercials and at events after it faced backlash from animal rights advocates.

“The practice of equine tail docking was discontinued early last year,” Anheuser-Busch officials said. “The safety and well-being of our beloved Clydesdales is our top priority.”

Over the past year, the beverage giant has faced mounting backlash over the practice known as “docking,” which can involve cutting through a horse’s tailbone for cosmetic reasons.

The animal rights organization People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) said an investigation found that Budweiser horses’ tails were docked for cosmetic purposes.

Tailbone amputation for cosmetic reasons is banned in at least 10 states and several countries, according to the American Veterinary Medical Association (AVMA) which condemns the practice.

PETA asserts that the docking procedure can be painful. The American Veterinary Medical Association has said welfare concerns appear to relate less to the pain equine docking might cause and more to the surgery’s being unnecessary, while also limiting a horse’s ability to fend off flies and biting insects using its tail.

PETA welcomed Anheuser-Busch’s announcement, saying its staff was celebrating by “cracking open some cold ones.”

“This victory comes after dozens of PETA protests, nationwide ad campaigns, and pleas from more than 121,000 concerned consumers, and it sends a message to other companies that animal abuse doesn’t sell,” the organization said.

Anheuser-Busch, whose sales plunged following its partnership with the transgender influencer Dylan Mulvaney, introduced its horse-drawn beer wagon in the 1930s to celebrate the repeal of Prohibition. Since then, the Clydesdale horses have become synonymous with the Budweiser brand.

“From the Prohibition era to Super Bowl commercials, there is perhaps nothing more iconic in Budweiser’s storied history than its team of Clydesdale horses,” Anheuser-Busch officials said. “More than just a mascot, the Clydesdales have been an integral part of Anheuser-Busch for more than 80 years.”

+++30+++

2024 Horticulture Newsletter No. 5

By
Guest Columnist
-
0
KSU horticulture

https://hnr.k-state.edu/extension/info-center/newsletters/index.html

 

Blog Post: http://www.ksuhortnewsletter.org

 

Video of the Week: Video of the Week: Cold Frames and Hot Beds

 

ANNOUNCEMENTS

It’s the Final Countdown!

Only one more week to tell us all about your experience using the K-State Hort Newsletter in 2023. We are here to support YOU so tell us how we can improve. We are almost to 100 responses. Thank you to everyone who completed the survey.

For everyone else, please take a few minutes to tell us what you want from YOUR 2024 Hort Newsletter. Follow this link: Horticulture Newsletter Needs Assessment.

 

Tech Complications

As you know, K-State has experienced campus-wide IT complications. While some of the problems have been resolved, we are continuing to have issues with certain online resources. This is impacting some of the links shared through the newsletter. We apologize for this inconvenience and hope it will be repaired soon.

 

GARDEN SPOTLIGHT Request: Did you enjoy reading the Garden Spotlight last week, “Grandma House”? We would love to help you tell your garden story in the 2024 Hort Newsletter. Email Cynthia at [email protected] to share your adventures with fellow gardeners.

 

K-State Garden Hour: Gardening for a Changing Climate

Wednesday, February 7th 12:00PM – 1:00PM CST

Gardening in Kansas doesn’t come easy as we often face weather extremes and drought conditions. With projected changes in our climate, gardening will be more challenging. Extreme events will require adaptation with plant selection, irrigation, and soil health. Join Dr. Charles Rice, Nobel Peace Prize winner and Kansas State University Distinguished Professor of Soil Microbiology, to learn how to overcome the challenges of gardening in a changing climate.

Follow this link to our webinar series.

 

GARDEN CALENDAR

Start seeds indoors: Cabbage, Broccoli, Cauliflower, Lettuce
MENTAL HEALTH MONDAY

Waterscapes

Wasn’t the sunshine and warmer weather last week lovely? It felt like a reward after enduring the icy blasts earlier in the month. I found myself walking around my yard begging the garden to give me a project.

Living in a suburban cul-de-sac with a small yard, my gardening projects are somewhat restrictive. One feature my landscape lacks is water. Preliminary research suggests the presence of water in a natural space can benefit mental well-being. The sound of running water helps reduce noise pollution and provides a relaxing escape. Water attracts birds and other pollinators which also contribute to positive well-being. Whether a bubbling rock, pond or waterfall, sensory interests are piqued by waterscapes in the landscape.

There are myriad designs of fountains and ponds that will fit into any size garden. Water features don’t have to be large and complex to provide benefits. In fact, creating a water feature can be a fun and relatively simple weekend project beginning with a container, such as a water trough or large flower pot, that will hold water. Of course, the project can be more involved incorporating a larger reservoir to invite wildlife.

Consider these points when deciding how to incorporate a therapeutic water feature into your landscape.

Accessibility: Though an isolated water feature can become a destination where visitors may venture to seek refuge, if it is too inconvenient to access it, the feature loses efficacy. By positioning the water feature close to pathways that are frequented regularly more people can enjoy the benefits. This also makes it easier to monitor the feature for maintenance concerns.

Interactivity: Being able to hear the water feature is one way humans can interact. Provide a bench nearby to encourage visitors to rest, watch and listen to the feature. Depending on the type of feature it may be possible to allow play in the waterscape. Is it safe for children to reach in and splash in the water? If so, consider adding stepping stones up to the feature. (Always consider safety and follow necessary precautions when adding a water feature to the landscape.)

Maintenance: Incorporating a water feature into the landscape will have limited benefits to well-being if it requires intense maintenance. Enter into this project with the understanding of the required maintenance and choose a feature that fits into your constraints. If this is your first time installing and maintaining a water feature, start small as you learn the basics. Don’t allow this therapeutic feature to become a stress-inducer!

Do you have a water feature in your garden? We would love to see it! Send a photo to Cynthia at [email protected].

 

VEGETABLES

Determinate vs. Indeterminate Tomatoes: What’s the Difference?

The most popular vegetable for home gardeners in Kansas confuses many gardeners when deciding what type to grow. New varieties are always being developed in an effort to create the perfect tomato.

Choosing a variety with strong disease resistance characteristics is a good start. Other considerations are timing of maturity and yield. Fruiting slows down during the peak of our summer heat. If that coincides with peak fruiting dates, you may be disappointed with the harvest. Some varieties produce more fruit than others. If you have a plan to use a large amount of tomatoes then choose a variety that will meet your need.

Determinate Tomatoes: Sometimes known as “bush” or “compact”, these plants typically stay below three feet tall. The fruiting period is more concentrated which is beneficial for gardeners who plan to do canning. Determinate tomato plants are better suited for container gardening.

Indeterminate Tomatoes: These varieties grow very large, over five feet, with vine-like growth. It will be necessary to stake the plants to keep them off the ground. The fruit will ripen throughout the growing season with smaller harvests at a single time.

School Garden Note: Indeterminate varieties are a better option for school gardens due to the timing of the harvest. Additionally, determinate varieties are at a greater risk of succumbing to pests/diseases during the summer when there are typically fewer people available to maintain the garden. Indeterminate varieties continue sending out new growth making them more likely to recover from this type of damage. Cherry tomatoes produce a large yield of bite-sized fruit making them appealing for this audience as well.

 

DISEASES/PESTS

Fungus Gnats on Houseplants

Have you noticed tiny insects flying around your home or office? Fungus gnats are common household pests and though they don’t bite, they are quite annoying. This time of year, we get questions about controlling the population of fungus gnats in the home. Here are some ways to keep them in check.

Fungus gnats prefer warm, moist environments. Remember, only water houseplants as needed rather than on a regular schedule to avoid oversaturating plants and creating a fungus gnat haven. Determine if the plants need water by inserting your index finger into the soil about one-inch. If the soil is dry it’s time to water. During winter plants tend to use much less water so you can expect to be watering less frequently than during the summer. Dump water out of the saucer once it drains so plants are not in standing water.

If fungus gnats are already present in your plants, allow the soil to dry at least through the upper three-inches. You may even consider repotting the plant in fresh soilless media. Remove as much soil as possible from the plant roots to eradicate the eggs and larvae of the gnats.

 

MISCELLANEOUS

Using Cold Frames and Hotbeds

Cold frames and hotbeds are season extenders gardeners use to get the most out of the growing season.

Cold frames tend to include a wooden frame or box with a lid that can be raised and lowered. They use no artificial heat source so the temperature inside the structure is typically only 5 to 10 degrees warmer than the outside temperature.

The cover for a cold frame should be transparent and can be made from an old storm window, polycarbonate or polyethylene film. The size depends on the intended use of the frame. It can be placed over a raised bed or directly on the ground to protect early plantings of cool season crops such as spinach. They can also be used to harden off transplants before planting in the ground or to protect tender perennials during winter.

A hotbed is a cold frame with a heat source. It could be an electric heater or even a natural heat source such as manure. Hot beds can be considered miniature greenhouses and are used to get a jump on warm season vegetables.

On sunny days, cold frames and hotbeds can heat up quickly. It is important to be able to vent these structures so plants do not get overheated. Storm windows can be attached with hinges so they can be propped open on sunny days to allow heat to escape.

When extreme cold temperatures are predicted, the season extenders can be insulated with additional layers such as straw or blankets over the top of the structure.

Position cold frames and hotbeds facing south to get the maximum winter sun exposure. Make sure there is good drainage so moisture is not trapped inside. If possible, position the structure close to the house for ease of monitoring and maintenance. For hotbeds with electric heating consider where the power source is and locate the structure in that vicinity.

 

QUESTION OF THE WEEK

“Should I dump the soil that I used last year in my raised beds and replace it with new soil or can I use it for my crops again this year?”

 

The short answer: Reuse that soil! This will save you money, time and physical effort. However, recognize your soil will likely need some attention for your plants to thrive. You can do a soil test to determine what nutrients are needed. You should also incorporate organic matter to improve the porosity and fertility. Additional garden soil may be added to bring the height up for raised beds where compaction has occurred.

The long answer: There are several things to consider to answer this question. Initially I’m wondering what type of raised beds these are. Raised beds could be containerized structures made of wood or bricks with soil brought in from an outside source. They could also be shaped using just garden soil that is mounded higher than the rest of the landscape. These types of raised beds are more likely to suffer compaction from foot traffic than those elevated higher off the ground with a physical frame.

Once I know this I want to know, “How did the plants in the raised beds perform last year? Were there any signs of disease or pests?” Many diseases and pests can overwinter in the soil and will multiply the problem this year if not treated properly. This is one reason crop rotation is important even in raised beds. Avoid planting crops from the same plant family in the same raised beds year after year. Crop rotation helps builds soil health and reduce challenges with diseases and pests.

If there was a disease/pest infestation last year in a small, containerized raised bed and crop rotation is not an option, I would consider replacing the soil with a sterilized mix to avoid fighting the problem again this year.

Nutrients are leached out of the soil during irrigation and precipitation events. Soil compaction is also a concern after a year of gardening and potentially foot traffic. Incorporate organic matter into the existing soil in raised beds each year to improve the overall soil health.

 

COMING UP NEXT WEEK

Community Garden Corner

This monthly feature will support our Kansas community gardeners. Whether you’re the one managing the program or the gardener managing just your own plot, we are here to help. Look for this content the second Monday of every month.

 

 

Contributors:

Cynthia Domenghini, Instructor & Horticulture Extension Specialist

Kansas Garden Guide

 

Department of Horticulture and Natural Resources

1712 Claflin, 2021 Throckmorton

Manhattan, KS 66506

(785) 532-6173

 

For questions or further information, contact: [email protected] OR [email protected]

This newsletter is also available on the World Wide Web at:

http://hnr.k-state.edu/extension/info-center/newsletters/index.html

 

The web version includes color images that illustrate subjects discussed. To subscribe to this newsletter electronically, send an e-mail message to [email protected] or [email protected] listing your e-mail address in the message.

 

Brand names appearing in this newsletter are for product identification purposes only. No endorsement is intended, nor is criticism implied of similar products not mentioned.

 

K-State Research and Extension is committed to making its services, activities and programs accessible to all participants. If you have special requirements due to a physical, vision or hearing disability, or a dietary restriction please contact Extension Horticulture at (785) 532-6173.

Kansas State University Agricultural Experiment Station and Cooperative Extension Service K-State Research and Extension is an equal opportunity employer. Issued in furtherance of Cooperative Extension Work, Acts of May 8 and June 30, 1914, as amended. Kansas State University, County Extension Councils, and United States Department of Agriculture Cooperating, Ernie Minton, Dean.

Growing your own fruit can be very rewarding!

By
Guest Columnist
-
0

Growing your own fruit can be very rewarding! Keeping those trees healthy is necessary to have a good crop.

 

If you have ever seen emerging peach leaves that are puckered, swollen, distorted and reddish-green color, you have seen peach leaf curl. Uncontrolled, this disease can severely weaken trees due to untimely leaf drop when leaves unfurl in the spring. Fortunately, peach leaf curl is not that difficult to control if the spray is applied early enough. However, by the time you see symptoms, it is much too late. As a matter of fact, fungicides are ineffective if applied after buds begin to swell in the spring.

 

Don’t spray when temperatures are below 40 degrees or will fall below freezing before the spray dries. Usually we can wait until March to spray but an extended warm period in February that encourages early bud swell may require spraying in late February. Though peach leaf curl can be controlled by a single fungicide application in the fall after leaf drop, it is more commonly controlled in the spring.

 

There are several fungicides labeled for this disease including chlorothalonil (Ortho Garden Disease Control, Fertilome Broad Spectrum Fungicide, GardenTech Fungicide Disease Control and Daconil). Thoroughly cover the entire tree during application. Note that it is much easier to achieve good spray coverage if the tree is pruned before spraying.

1...505506507...4,798Page 506 of 4,798

Kansas News, Auctions & Classifieds

Trending

Categories

© Rural Messenger