I mentioned two weeks ago that Reed, one of my old high school buddies in California, had gone to his great reward — and that only the memories are left behind.
Well, I have many fond memories of Reed and I want to pass them along for others to chuckle at.
When we were in high school, television was just getting its legs under it and the only two TV channels available in southeast Kansas were KOAM in Pittsburg and KODE in Joplin, Mo. Our family watched KOAM almost exclusively and the channel at the time aired an after-school program aimed at early elementary school children.
One of the features of the show was having young children in the viewing area submit original drawings on poster board that the station then publicized on the kids’ program every late afternoon. Naturally, the drawings submitted by the first and second graders were just what you’d expect — stick boys and girls, rudimentary drawings of animals, trees, birds, and clouds.
Well, that program got me to thinking. So, I — in high school I’ll remind you — drew a poster left handed and submitted it to KOAM’s program under Reed’s name.
Sure enuf, in a few days the program aired the phony poster submitted by little Reed B. at Moran, Kan. Of course, folks around Moran saw the poster and started commenting about it to Reed. It created a lot of laughs in our high school.
It didn’t take long for my friend Reed to figger out who pulled the prank on him and he vowed to get even. I’m sure he did, but I can’t remember how he got even.
Another Reed story. I played right guard on our football team at a whopping 150 pounds. Reed played next to me as the right tackle at probably 190 pounds. Our football coach had several blocking schemes that the linemen used for various formations and plays. He allowed us lineman to use a “live color” to call before the play started, which allowed us to change our blocking scheme at the line of scrimmage.
As the guard, it wuz my responsibility to call the “live color” if needed to change the blocking assignments on the play. Well, on almost every play, we called some color to confuse the defense, but we only changed the blocking when I called the “live color.” Our coach allowed us to select our own “live color” to use in each game.
So, as you could expect, we ornery kids got creative with the “live color” we selected for each game. I don’t remember all the creative “live colors” we used, but to this day I remember one creative “live color.” The color was “calf scours green.”
The first time we used it, I remember the defensive lineman across from me said, “What the hell?”
I’ll mention in passing that our football team went undefeated for my classes’ junior and senior years.
Reed and I were involved in many other pranks on Halloween Eve, on our senior sneak to Lake Taneycomo in Mo., and elsewhere. But, I choose not to discuss those pranks because I’m not sure the statute of limitations had passed (just kidding.)
Last week, I related some of the employment references made by rural employers about their former employees. I ran out of column room for all of them, so here’s the completion of the list.
“The guy was like a little puppy — ran around excitedly leaving little messes for others to clean up.”
“He was my crew chief. His crew members would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.
“The guy made few mistakes, because he was seldom doing anything.”
“He had a great attitude — if you put high value on apathy and indifference.”
“I wouldn’t recommend this guy for leadership. Even citizenship is questionable.”
“He worked well when cornered, like a rat in a trap.”
“If he was any more inept, he’d have to be watered twice a week.”
“Must have gotten into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn’t watching.”
“When I stood close to him, I could hear the ocean.”
“The guy had a room temperature IQ. He had a full six pack, but lacked the plastic thingy to hold it all together.”
“He was a gross ignoramus which is 143 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.”
“The lens cover was glued on his photographic memory.”
“If two of my employees were talking and one looked bored. This guy was the other one.”
“He only gargled from the fountain of youth.”
And, finally, “He donated his body to science before he was through using it.”
Enuf already! Have a good ‘un.