I heard a true funny story about pheasant hunting in western Kansas years and years ago.
The two ornery hunters finished a successful hunting trip around Hays, Kan. and were on their way home. They stopped at a little roadside cafe in some small town and decided to play a little prank on the friendly and talkative waitress.
They order and ate their meal, but when they went to the cash register to pay for their meal, they feigned to be out of money and seemed appropriately embarrassed at their predicament.
They apologetically told the waitress they were short on cash and asked if the establishment accepted personal checks. The waitress said that would be acceptable.
Then the ornery hunters pushed their luck and asked if they could write the check for $5 more than the food bill. The waitress hummed and hawed a bit, but reluctantly said it would be okay.
So, one of the hunters wrote the check and, when the waitress handed him back the $5 bill, he immediately handed it back to her.
When the waitress asked “Why?” the ornery hunter pointed to a sign above the cash register that read: “$5 charge for all checks returned for insufficient funds.”
That flustered the waitress no end, but the hunters made it right by getting her to laugh along with them and then they paid the bill and gave a tip in cold, hard cash.
A couple of weeks ago, some miscreant who was either careless, drowsy, inebriated, or vindictive smacked our mailbox with the side mirror of his or her vehicle and smashed in the side of the box and knocked it off the post.
I wuz able to retrieve the smashed bits and pieces of the car mirror strewn up the road for 50 yards and gave them to a passing sheriff’s deputy. I wuz also able to use a hammer, pliers, vise grips and a screwdriver to bend the mailbox and its lid back into usable condition so I didn’t have to spend $30 to $50 on a new mailbox. Luckily, the car didn’t knock over the mailbox post so I didn’t have to reset or buy a post.
It took about an hour to get everything back in place. Our mailbox still shows the scars of the incident, but it works and that’s all that matter.
I will add that I hope the fleas of a thousand camels infest the armpits of the person who knocked over the mailbox and lacked the common decency to tell us about it and apologize.
My friend Jay Esse from Lakewood, Colo., recently put pen to paper and wrote a clever little Christmas poem. He gave me permission to reprint it, so here it is:
CHRISTMAS EVE 2016
Santa was running way behind time,
So he grabbed his sack from the floor,
Gave Mrs. Claus a goodbye kiss,
Then turned and ran out the door.
Harnessed all the reindeer.
Then hitched them to the sleigh.
Grabbed the reins, and gave a shout,
And they lifted off on their way.
In a flash the North Pole was left
In the distance far behind.
Delivering all the presents
Was the only thing on Santa’s mind.
When he arrived at the first house,
Santa reached into his sack of toys
He would decide what to give
To the good little girls and boys.
But he found that in his rush
A major mistake he had made.
He had grabbed the sack of
Mrs. Claus’s dirty laundry by mistake.
Jay informs me that he has been writing poems to include in his Christmas cards since 1979.
Jay wuz on a roll and sent me this Christmas story. Two farm brothers, both in their late teens, decided to spend Christmas Eve in New York City. Before they left, their dad gave them this advice: “Don’t trust big city cab drivers. Don’t pay what they ask. Haggle for a better fare.”
So, the boys hailed their first cab and when the cabbie stopped, he said, “That will be $20.”
“On no you don’t,” the older brother said. “Our dad warned us about you cabbies. You’ll only get $15 from me.” “And, you’ll only get $15 from me, too,” the younger brother piped up.
Isn’t it ironic that the colors red, white and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you? Have a good ‘un.