Laugh tracks in the dust

0
64

     Folks, it’s odds and ends time again — when I foist off on my readers some of the “stuff” that’s been accumulating on my desk and in my e-mail box. So, here goes:

***

A friend, ol’ Aimen Blastitt, went to a local gun and knife show recently and gave me this report:

“Milo, went to an all-day gun show and there were tons of folks and merchandise. Looked like people buying mostly hand guns and a lot were just ‘interested lookers.’ Lots of folks lined up to join the NRA.

“The best sign I saw there was at a booth that read: “If you think this administration is doing a good job, we don’t want your business. You’re too stupid and dangerous to own a firearm.”

***

A farm wife went into a hardware store to purchase a bale of peat moss for her flower beds..

She offered a personal check in payment and said to the clerk, “I suppose you will want some identification.”

He replied, without hesitation, “No ma’am, that won’t be necessary.”

“How come?” asked the woman.

“Crooks and terrorists don’t buy peat moss,” answered the clerk.

Now that’s a smart clerk.

***

A friend of ours in Kansas City, Ms. Jenny Erous, bought a bird feeder. She hung it on her back porch and filled it with seed.

Within a week she had hundreds of birds taking advantage of the continuous flow of free and easily accessible food.

But then the birds started building nests in the boards of the patio, above the table, and next to the barbecue. Then came the poop. It was everywhere: on the patio tile, the chairs, the table… everywhere!

Then some of the birds turned mean. They would dive bomb Jenny and try

to peck her even though she had fed them out of her own pocket and paid for it out of her own pocketbook. And gradually some of the birds became boisterous and loud. They sat on the feeder and squawked and chirped at all hours of the day and night, seeming to demand that Jenny fill the feeder when it got low on free food.

After a while, Jenny couldn’t even sit on her own back porch anymore. So she took down the bird feeder and in three days the birds were gone. She cleaned up their mess and took down the many nests they had built all over the patio.

Soon, Jenny’s back yard was like it used to be… quiet and serene … no more freeloading birds demanding their rights to a free meal.

I think there’s a moral to Jenny’s story if I could only figger it out.

***

A Ozarks couple, both bonafied rednecks, had nine children. They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband the irreversible operation.

The doctor gladly started the required procedure and asked them what finally made them make the decision — why after nine children, would they choose to do this.

The husband replied that they had read in a recent article that one out of every ten children being born in North America spoke a foreign language as their first first language, and they didn’t want to take a chance on having a foreign-language-speaking baby because neither of them could speak anything but English.

***

Two young yuppie entrepreneurs were sitting down for a break in their

soon-to-be new store in the shopping mall in a generally rural community. As yet, the store’s merchandise wasn’t in — only a few shelves and display racks set up.

One said to the other, “I’ll bet that any minute now some ol’ farmer is going

to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we’re selling.”

Sure enuf, just a moment later, a curious gray-haired fellow in a straw hat and overalls walked up to the window, looked around intensely, rapped on the glass, then in a loud voice asked, “What are you selling here?”

One of the young would-be businessmen replied sarcastically, “We’re selling smart alecks.”

Without skipping a beat, the old timer said, “You must be doing well. Only two left.”

Seniors — don’t mess with us. We didn’t get old by being stupid!

***

The stretch of fine fall weather had continued for the past few days, but the forecast is for mid-week showers. That’s fine with me as the forage plots I planted for the chickens could use a bit of moisture to keep ‘em growing.

I’m gonna close for this week questioning a paradox of modern society. I’m wondering why it is that in an unprovoked terrorist bombing of innocent people, society and the lame-stream media blame the terrorist, but in a unprovoked mass shooting of innocents, they place the blame on the guns?

Think about why that is and have a good ‘un.

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here