Friday, January 23, 2026
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Hitting Bottom

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lee pitts

Child rearin’ these days sure is a lot different than when I grew up. And when I say ‘rearin’ that’s where the biggest difference occurred… in the rear end.

A person these days would rightly be put in jail and have their children taken away if they were caught administering punishment the same way our parents did. For heaven’s sake, our ag teacher had a long paddle an inch thick that he used for swatting the bottoms of unruly students. I only felt the sting of the paddle once and that’s when he had everyone in the class grab their ankles so we’d feel the full force of his paddle.

There were degrees of punishment at our house. For a minor crime my mom would bend us over her knee and say, “This is going to hurt me more than it is you but it’s for your own good.” Then she’d spank our bottom several times with her bare hand. If the offense was a major misdemeanor, like stealing some change from her purse to buy a 50/50 bar from the ice cream man, she’d break one of her yardsticks walloping us a good one. And then she’d wonder where all her yardsticks went when she needed one for her dressmaking.

If we committed a felonious assault on a sibling she’d say, “You just wait until your father gets home.” My dad was a long haul trucker so he could be gone for several days and that meant we’d have to anticipate the spanking for a long time which made it that much worse. His favorite tool for committing child abuse was the belt and he was a very strong man. A kid might not be able to sit down for days after the rear attack.

The second worst whoopin’ I ever got was the time I was kicked out of school for three days for throwing an egg, which was a tradition at our school. The seniors lobbed eggs and water balloons at the freshmen almost daily and to the best of my knowledge, no one had ever been kicked out of school before, or since, for the offense. I missed high with the egg I threw so it hit a tree branch and the yolk dripped all over the vice principal’s daughter. I was ratted out, called to the office of the vice principal, who was also the football coach, given a tongue lashing and sent home for three days with a note.

Now here’s where it gets real interesting. The captain of the football team just happened to be the boyfriend of the dripped-on girl and he was the one who brought the egg to school and dared me to throw it! Of course nothing happened to him. Interestingly, when I ran on the school’s cross country team as a freshman I was crammed and locked inside a locker by two burly guys on the football team and stayed crumpled up for two hours! Of course they were never kicked out of school because the coach needed them on Friday night.

I’ve endured a lot of physical pain in my life but the most agonizing I’ve ever experienced was when I was ten years old and had to sit through an entire dance recital of my younger sister’s dance class. A person can only endure so much of watching 15 six-year-olds in tight tutus shuffling off to Buffalo.

After one such experience my sister’s picture appeared on the front page of our local paper and my mother was quite proud. My older perfect brother, the exalted one, took that newspaper my mom wanted to preserve for posterity and drew horns on my sister and a goatee with an ink pen so she looked like a fat devil. I thought it was quite a good likeness but my mom hit the roof and naturally thought I did it. And my perfect brother was more than happy to let me suffer the pain that only got worse when my father got home. I insisted between swats that I was not the culprit but that only made the blows harder. When I was 40 my brother finally admitted to my mom that he was the guilty party and everyone got a good laugh out of it. Ha, ha.

I’ve suffered from PTSD (post traumatic swatting disorder) ever since.

Lettuce Eat Local: Just in Queso Cheesiness

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Amanda Miller
Columnist
Lettuce Eat Local

 

It’s no secret that I’m a fan of puns and the “dad joke” style of humor, especially food-related. When I first started writing this column, I had a great arsenal of good pithy phrases and witty wordings (or at least what I considered good at the time). But that was around 400 headlines ago, and I am fully ready to admit that my quips get stretched pretty thin at times, making even me cringe at the cheesiness.
I have nothing against cheesy — we are dairy farmers, after all. In general, moderation is key to proper enjoyment, but sometimes going overboard is called for.
And yes, I am talking about both metaphorical humor cheese and physical edible cheese. Just by typing a number and “cheese” in the internet search bar, taking the first suggested result leads me to three-cheese manicotti, four-cheese pasta, five-cheese ziti al forno, six-cheese bagel, seven-cheese mac and cheese, eight-cheese pizza: does it ever stop? (You be might be stopped up long before you get through that much cheese, but that’s another topic.) The options do start to slow down after the octave of cheesiness, although it seems Pizza Hut once ran a limited time offer for nine-cheese pizza in Thailand.
Apparently it’s hard to have too much cheese.
This does beg the question, since none of those foods seem inherently humourous to me, why do we call jokes cheesy? A little research shows a disappointing denigration of both meanings of cheese. Using the word “cheesy” to describe non-food items or situations appeared in vocabulary in the mid 1800s, with a negative connotation of shoddiness or inferiority.
I’m a little offended — perhaps I think the definition itself is cheesy — but I suppose I understand its potential origin. Milk that sits out and spoils curdles or turns “cheesy,” clearly not of the highest quality anymore, just like some jokes. Google dictionary’s two definitions of the term are “like cheese in taste, smell, or consistency” (which could be very positive) and “cheap, unpleasant, or blatantly inauthentic” (which is obviously less desirable).
I say we bring back a little more of the long-obsolete meaning of ostentatious or showy, because that’s clearly what those eight-cheese pizzas were about. The Big Cheese. Whether showy or not, I maintain that cheesy humor does not necessarily mean shabby and shoddy; maybe it has a bit of the funk of a well-aged cheese but turns out to be just the thing when you learn to appreciate it.
Something like that.
I do greatly enjoy when both cheese and cheesiness show up together, such as in cheesy puns. My parents-in-law just got Kiah a t-shirt that proclaims “Up to no Gouda” — and there could barely be a cheddar way to describe her mischievous self. Most of us in the Miller family have at least one dairy good cheesy shirt, thanks to manning the cheese booth at the Kansas Mennonite Relief Sale every year. That weekend just happened again, so we pulled out our t-shirts; this year my sister-in-law also brought way too many cheese-pun stickers. You can’t disa-brie that we were all in gouda shape.
You might, understandably, think that I could have done a cheddar job than writing about cheese for my Q-themed article, but I still had to try it just in queso.

Queso-chiladas

These were going to be tres-o queso, but as mentioned, it can be terribly hard to stop once the cheese wheel gets rolling. But I can’t think of a good reason to not have cinco quesos! The enchilada sauce is crucial in the flavoring here, so make sure you get good quality — I used a homecanned tomato-based one, but I’m thinking the green style would also be really tasty. The more authentic way to assemble is to dip each tortilla in the sauce before filling it, but it’s so much messier that I skipped it this time. 

Prep tips: as per usual, another hearty green can sub (like kale or spinach). Try with corn tortillas for a twist; just adjust assembly as necessary to accommodate their smaller size. 

1 small onion

½ pound ground beef

a couple handfuls of chopped swiss chard

2 cups ricotta 

1 cup shredded muenster

salt, pepper, cumin, and smoked paprika to taste

8 whole-wheat tortillas

2 cups red enchilada sauce

1 cup shredded sharp white cheddar

1 cup crumbled queso blanco

Cook onion and hamburger in a large skillet until meat is browned. Stir in chard, and cook until it’s wilted, just a minute or two. Remove from heat, and stir in ricotta, muenster, and seasonings to taste. Scoop around a half-cup of meat mixture into the center of each tortilla, roll up, and place seam-side-down in a 9×13” baking dish. Pour sauce on, trying to leave no portion unsauced. Sprinkle with remaining cheeses, and bake at 350° until the sauce is all bubbly and the cheese is all melty. Serve with rotel queso sauce and more shredded cheeses (of course), along with green onions, olives, beans, salsa ranch, etc. 

Encountering Young Wildlife in Spring

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By Monica Macoubrie, Wildlife Education Specialist

As I sit down to write this article, a blizzard is raging outside my window — 55 mph wind gusts and snow blowing sideways make it hard to imagine spring and newborn wildlife. But this is Nebraska, where unpredictable weather is just a part of life, even for the animals welcoming their young into the world.
From avoiding predators to surviving harsh early spring conditions, to finding food and even competing with siblings, young wildlife in Nebraska face countless challenges. Still, despite these challenges, human intervention is rarely necessary. Here are a few things to consider when encountering young wildlife this spring.
Deer Fawns – A Delicate Beginning
Spring is baby season for many of Nebraska’s mammals, a time that  gives young the best chance to grow strong through the summer and fall before the following winter. One of the most recognizable babies in the state are white-tailed deer fawns, which are born around six months after the rut, typically in late May to early June. First-year does normally give birth to a single fawn, while older does usually have twins and, occasionally, triplets. Bucks play no role in raising the young.
At birth, a fawn weighs around 6-8 pounds, and by its first winter, it will have grown to 60-70 pounds. After nursing, the mother will lead her baby, or babies, to a secluded area within her home range. If she has twins, she will separate them by about 200 feet. The doe then leaves them alone for extended periods, following this pattern for about three weeks. By this time, fawns are mature enough to keep up with their mother and can race away from real or perceived danger.
You’ve Found a Fawn – What to Do
If you’ve ever stumbled across a fawn lying perfectly still in the grass, you might’ve wondered if it was abandoned. But that stillness is a survival strategy — its spotted coat blends into the dappled sunlight, and its mother is never far away, returning only a few times a day to nurse and check in.
If you happen across a fawn, the best thing to do is immediately leave the area to avoid creating disturbances. Even if you think the fawn looks hungry, do not feed it. Young animals, especially mammals, have specific nutritional requirements, and improper feeding can make them sick or even lead to death.
Fawns are rarely abandoned. The doe will typically stay away from the area until the disturbance – you — has passed, after which she will return to find her fawn. Only if more than 24 hours have passed without the mother returning should the fawn be assessed by a wildlife rehabilitator, such as Nebraska Wildlife Rehab.
Birds – From Egg to Flight
Spring and early summer are busy times for Nebraska’s bird populations. Songbirds such as robins, chickadees and house wrens build nests and raise chicks that hatch featherless and helpless, relying entirely on their parents for food and warmth. If you’ve ever spotted a nest full of gaping beaks, you’ve witnessed just how demanding these young birds can be.
The songbird life cycle begins when a female selects a nest site, often hidden in trees, shrubs or even on buildings. After laying a clutch of eggs, she sits on them to keep them warm. Once hatched, the tiny chicks are entirely dependent on their parents, who work tirelessly to bring them insects and other food.
Over the next two to three weeks, the chicks grow rapidly, developing feathers and strengthening their wings. Eventually, they reach the fledgling stage, when they leave the nest but remain under parental supervision as they learn to fly and forage for food on their own.
Waterfowl, such as Canada geese and mallards, take a different approach. Their young are precocial, meaning they hatch with downy feathers and can walk and swim almost immediately. These ducklings and goslings follow their mothers closely, learning to find food and avoid predators. If you’ve ever seen a mother goose fiercely defending her young, you know they take parenting seriously.
Raptors, including red-tailed hawks and great horned owls, invest significant time raising their young. Their chicks stay in the nest for five to seven weeks, depending on the species, growing stronger until they are ready to fledge. Even after leaving the nest, these young birds rely on their parents for food and guidance until they’ve mastered the skills needed for survival.
You’ve Found a Baby Bird – What to Do
If you’ve spent any time outdoors, chances are you’ve come across a baby bird on the ground — one that seems unable to fly, or one you think might be lost or abandoned. Your first instinct is to probably try to help, but in most cases, they don’t actually need assistance. In fact, intervening often makes the situation worse. Here are a few guidelines to help you decide whether you should act.
First, determine if the bird is a nestling or a fledgling — most birds people find are fledglings. These are young birds that have just left the nest. They can’t fly yet but are still under the care of their parents. Fledglings are capable of hopping or flitting, and they’re usually fluffy with a tiny stub of a tail. Once they leave the nest, they rarely return, so putting them back will just make them hop out again. In most cases, there’s no need to intervene. If you do want to help, you can move the bird to a safer area and keep your pets indoors to protect it.
If the bird is sparsely feathered and can’t hop, walk or flit, it’s a nestling. The nest is most likely nearby, and if you can find it, you can place the bird back in the nest as soon as possible. Don’t worry — the parents won’t abandon the bird if you touch it, as they don’t recognize their young by smell.
If the bird is visibly injured, your best course of action is to bring it to a wildlife rehabilitator.
The early days are full of challenges for wildlife babies. While it’s tempting to step in and help, it’s often best to let these young animals be. It’s more likely they don’t need our help, and in fact, intervening can sometimes do more harm than good. Ultimately, the best way to support young wildlife is by respecting their process to learn and grow and giving them the space to develop on their own terms.
However, if you do find an injured or orphaned animal, don’t hesitate to reach out to a wildlife rehabilitator.

Doodlesocking

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A few years back at the Outdoor Writers of Kansas spring outing at Beloit, Kansas, Joyce and I were paired with Chatt Martin for a half-day’s crappie fishing on Waconda Lake, just outside Glen Elder, KS. Since retiring, Chatt has turned his passion for Crappie fishing into a full-time Crappie fishing guide service called Crappie Time Fishing. Glen Elder is usually hot for crappies this time of year and we were hearing stories of fantastic “slab” crappies being caught. When Chatt and I made the final arrangements for that Tuesday morning, his only question for me was “Has Joyce ever fished with long rods?”

Long rods, indeed; as we pulled into the boat ramp parking lot the next morning, there was no doubt which boat was awaiting us, as ten food fishing rods towered above the center console of his boat. We loaded up and headed across the lake to the first of several spots that had been giving up nice crappies. Our guides favorite honey hole was along the causeway, a huge, high rock-laden embankment with a road atop it, that encloses the western end of the lake, but because the wind was forecast to be nasty early-on, we tried other spots. It seems everyone else felt the same, and our first stop, a cove cut far back into the bluffs along the southern shore, already sported several boats. No one was catching much, but a scan of the cove with Chatts high-dollar Lowrance fish finder showed some fish out front toward the opening. After an hour of trying most things known to man and only catching two fish, Chatt decided it was time to fight the wind in necessary and we headed across the lake to his hot spot along the causeway.

We slowly motored alongside a long stretch of dead, beaver chewed saplings and brush that ran for several hundred yards along the edge of the causeway. Chatt positioned the boat and told us we were about to learn the art of “doodlesocking.” Doodlesocking is an age-old, tried & true method created by bass fishermen years or possible generations ago for fishing in and around snags of any kind. It involves the use of a very long, stout pole with a bait or jig fastened to the end of a short length of heavy line. The idea is to dip or “doodle” the bait slowly into the water in and around tree limbs, etc, then wait for a fish to “sock” it. It works well because you’re fishing the bait straight up and down into pockets around weeds, lily pads, brush and stumps, instead of casting into them and trying to drag the bait through by reeling, which almost always results in getting snagged. Chatt rigged his extra long rods with jig heads of various colors and tipped them each with a live minnow that hung from two feet of line. The water was only a couple feet deep and the brush stretched ten to fifteen feet out from the base of the rocks. The three of us spaced ourselves along the same side of the boat and began dipping the jigs in amongst the brush as the electric trolling motor pulled us slowly along parallel to the shore. The crappies were just beginning to come up into shallow water to spawn, and in the first several yards Chatt and I landed three nice ones. The day before, Joyce had cleaned our clocks catching walleye, but that day she had not yet caught a fish. Suddenly she hauled upward on her rod which bent double toward the water as she hoisted a fat, feisty crappie into the boat.

Because of the wind and weather change the night before, we didn’t catch many crappies, but the ones we caught were in great condition. What I find ironic about the day was that we fished from a boat sporting fish-locator electronics costing as much as my pickup, with rods and reels each worth a couple days wages and yet we caught our fish using an age-old technique called doodlesocking that has been

around since fishing poles were sticks and string. But hey, to me and to a fishing guide it’s called doin’ whatever works! Continue to Explore Kansas Outdoors.

Steve can be contacted by email at [email protected].

Fescue that long green grass we love

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There are many tall fescue lawns in Harvey County. Tall fescue gives you that long green season for the yard. For these lawns to be successful, there are tasks that need to be done at the correct times such as aerating, fertilizing, etc. Join us on May 6 at 6:30 PM to learn about how to really take care of your tall fescue lawn. This program is free but you must register by calling (316) 284-6930 or emailing [email protected].

 

Special Weed Problems: Sandbur is a warm-season annual grass weed that produces sharp, spiny burs. It is difficult to control and hard to recognize before the burs form. There is no satisfactory control after the burs form except hand removal.

 

Sandbur germinates a few weeks after crabgrass but to be safe, a preemergence herbicide should be applied at the normal time for crabgrass. Only a few preemergence herbicides are labeled for sandbur. Special label rates or repeat applications, or both, must be used for sandbur control. Pendimethalin (Scott’s Halts) is the best choice for preventative sandbur control.

 

This product must be watered in within 3 days after application using ½ inch of water or more.

 

Sandbur also can be controlled in the seedling stage of growth. Fenoxaprop-p-methyl should give over 90% control. This active ingredient is found in Acclaim Extra (commercial) and BioAdvanced Bermudagrass Control for Lawns (homeowner). Neither product can be used on warm-season grasses (buffalograss, Bermudagrass, Zoysia) as injury will occur. However, it is labeled for the cool-season grasses tall fescue, Kentucky bluegrass, and perennial ryegrass.

 

No product will make the burs disappear once they have formed. Burs formed in previous years remain on the soil surface, creating a nuisance. Again, hand removal is the only solution.