At the Old Geezer Gang’s morning coffee gathering, the conversation topics entail the full gamut of “stuff” — from local history and events, to politics, to jokes, to pointed repartee, to discussions about our inevitable aches and pains, and even to our inevitable impending mortality.
Some of the jokes told are too risqué to repeat in my column. Others are gruesome, but still humorous. The following is one of those gruesomely humorous stories.
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Back in the 1950s, an old tenant farmer went to his eternal reward. His bereaved widow did the best she could afford to make her deceased hubby presentable for the visitation and funeral — she purchased a new pair of overalls to dress him in and a pine coffin to bury him in.
During the evening visitation, the funeral director overheard the widow lamenting that she wished her hubby could have been buried in a nice suit, rather than overalls. So, with discretion he whispered in her ear “don’t worry about it. He’ll look nice tomorrow.”
So, the next day at the funeral, sure enuf, the old farmer lay resplendent in a fancy blue suit in his pine coffin. All the funeral attendees commented about how nice he looked in repose. And, that’s the way he went into the grave.
After the funeral, the widow sidled up to the funeral director and said, “I can’t thank you enough for all the cost and effort you must have gone to get the blue suit on my husband.”
The funeral director replied, “Oh, it wasn’t all that much trouble. I had a wealthy deceased in the back room dressed in the blue suit, and he has no family, and he is going to be cremated. So, I just switched heads.”
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Chew on this: I read a story that claimed a dog’s life — even if that means joyfully and endlessly chasing squirrels or retrieving sticks — is more meaningful than a dog owner’s life. That claim comes from Mark Rowlands, a professor at the University of Miami.
He claims that, “A dog loves his life with everything he has because it is all he has.” It’s a philosophical message on how we humans can live a more fulfilling life inspired by the unselfish joy dogs experience — even in repetitive tasks such as chasing a ball. The lesson to be learned from dogs in the professor’s deep dive is the love of life and the action a dog experiences in his uncomplicated life.
The author interprets meaning in life as authentic happiness and that the lives of dogs are typically more meaningful and filled with more love than the lives of humans because they are not burdened by personal reflection, self-doubt, and have only one life to live.
I have no idea if the professor is correct that dogs love their lives more than people, but I will say that dogs are almost always happy and that’s not a bad way to be.
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I never thought I’d see the day when eggs were so scarce and valuable that they’d be the target of thieves, but they are now. Police are scrambling to identify the thieves who poached about 100,000 organic eggs from a Pennsylvania egg producer. The current street value of the eggs wuz estimated at $40,000. Investigators say Pete & Gerry’s Organic Eggs was victimized when one of its distribution trailers was burglarized. Police are looking for the thieves who might be trying to fence 8,333 dozen eggs.
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Speaking of the high price of eggs. Last week, I gave reasons why governmental “Aggie Executive Orders” won’t work to bring down egg prices. However, common sense inventions could help if they make hens more efficient when squeezing out an egg.
Faithful readers will recall that I long-ago I invented a device that does improve egg-laying efficiency. It’s called the Hi-Volt Egg-O-Matic and here’s how it works.
First off, a hen getting ready to lay an egg really is in no hurry to get her job done. After she selects a nest, she relaxes for a goodly time span, then the takes her own sweet time to gently squeeze her egg out, then she inefficiently wastes several minutes cackling about her achievement. All the while, she is preventing another hen from laying an egg in the same nest.
Well, the Hi-Volt Egg-O-Matic solves that problem once and for all. It’s a nest that is electrified in a manner that when a hen settles down to lay an egg, an electrified “comb-cap” descends upon her head and completes an electrical circuit.
In that brief moment, the electrified nest shocks the shell out of the hen and she leaves the nest, allowing another hen to follow her. I’ve pictured the Egg-O-Matic. I expect sales of it to increase dramatically immediately and help lower egg prices.
