Laugh tracks in the dust

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One of life’s most enduring treasures and pleasures is spending quality time with friends. Last week I got to spend quality time with New Mexico friends, Albie and A. B. Kirky. They came for their semi-annual jaunt to the Flint Hills for four days of non-stop fishing.

The fishing wuz average at best, but Albie garnered the biggest game fish — a 7 pound channel catfish and A.B. scored the biggest bass of the week — a near four pounder who fell to an enticing grasshopper skewered on A. B.’s hook. My Flint Hills friend, ol’ Saul M. Reeder, who joined the fishing party two days, took home the “biggest fish” caught during the trip — a 7 1/2 pound carp that had found its way into a watershed lake and greedily sucked in Saul’s grasshopper.

As for me, I didn’t get skunked by any means, but I got out-fished for sure. But then again, the “guide” isn’t supposed to catch the most or the biggest fish of the trip.

But the finest “catch” of all wuz laughing and engaging in verbal jousting with old friends. It’s surprising how stories of old are still funny when told again and embellished with each retelling.

***

You can never underestimate the innovativeness of American farm boys.

At a rural high school in Iowa, a group of male students played a prank. They let three billy goats loose inside the school.

But before turning them loose, they painted numbers on the sides of  the goats: 1, 2 and 4.

School Administrators spent most of the day looking for No. 3.

Now that’s funny. I don’t care who you are.

***

Ol’ Nevah and I were just settling into bed one night last week when the phone rang.

I got out of bed and went into the living room to answer the phone.

I answered “Hello?” Then I said, “sure is,” hung up the receiver, and went back to bed.

A minute later the phone rang again. Again, I got out of bed and went into the other room and answered the phone, “hello” and then, once again, said “sure is,” and hung up on the caller.

When I got back to bed, ol’ Nevah asked, “who was that?”

I said, “I don’t have a clue, but it wuz a woman’s voice.”

A minute later the phone rang again and the whole process repeated itself.

After the third time of returning to bed, ol’ Nevah asked, “Well, what did the person say?”

I replied, “It’s odd, a woman just keeps saying, ‘Long distance from Tucson’ and I keep assuring her she’s right.”

***

In Texas there is a town called New Braunfels, where there is a large German-speaking population.

One day, a local rancher driving down a country road noticed a man using his hand to drink water from the rancher’s stock pond.

The rancher rolled down the window and shouted: “Freut mich Sie zu sehen! Trinken Sie nicht das Wasser. Die Kühe haben hinein geschissen.”

(Which means: “Glad to see you! Don’t drink the water. The cows have pooped in it.”

The man shouted back: “I’m from New York and I’m down here campaigning for tighter gun control laws. I can’t understand you. Please speak in English.”

The rancher replied: “I said, ‘use both hands to quench your thirst.’”

***

Thanks to J. M., a Wyoming reader who sent me this e-mail: “Milo, I heard on the news that scientists are close to cloning some of the ancient flesh-eating dinosaurs.

“Then I also heard the fish and game bureaucrats had pre-ordered two pairs of each. They think the cloned dinosaurs will help control the wolves, bears, and pumas that they have reintroduced that are eating our cattle, horses, and sheep.”

***

I just saw the results of a new rural voter political poll taken in advance of the mid-term elections coming in November.

The main result of the poll showed that U. S. farmers/ranchers rate the current administration as the fifth best ever of the 44 administrations in the nation’s history.

In the poll, the Reagan, Lincoln, and 8 other administrations tied for first; 15 others tied for second; 17 others tied for third; the only administration headed by a Georgia peanut farmer wuz in fourth. And, the current administration came in 5th.

***

I’m tired of the coming election and the political ads already and it’s still more than six weeks away. So, I’ll close for the week with some wise words about elections. Movie star Orson Wells once said, “Popularity should be no scale for the election of politicians. If it would depend on popularity, Donald Duck and The Muppets would take seats in the senate.”  And, some guy named Simon Sinek said, “Leadership is not about the next election, it’s about the next generation,”

Well said. Have a good ‘un.

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