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Camouflage on a a shoestring

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Steve Gilliland
Steve Gilliland

Webster’s dictionary describes camouflage as “A disguise; a deception; to disguise in order to

conceal.” Anyone who has priced camouflage clothing at sporting goods stores or even Wal-Mart knows

there’s hardly a limit to the amount of money one can spend on camouflage clothing and gear. My way

around that is to buy or otherwise procure military surplus camo. This is hardly a secret and possibly

many of you have already gone this route too, but maybe I can pass on to you a few things I’ve learned

about military camouflage clothing.

Having spent twenty years in the Army National Guard, I’ve found that not all military camo is

created equal. During my service we sported the BDU’s (battle dress uniforms) that were all shades of

green, black and dark brown and the pattern was comprised of large blotches. This is great stuff for later

spring turkey hunting when all of nature is adorned in its brand new green foliage, but for fall and winter

when most of our hunting takes place it’s too green to look natural. We have recently fallen in love with

the pattern worn by the army for several years now known as ACU Digital. This pattern is comprised

of smaller square and rectangular shapes that looks much like a jigsaw puzzle, but contains more off-
whites, grays and drab greens. It’s a much better fit for year-round use and is also good for winter.

Two of the obvious pros of military camo are the availability and the price. Besides local surplus

stores, the internet and eBay teem with sites and sellers peddling military camo clothing and gear.

It’s also commonly found at garage sales where people have scarfed it up when their term of military

service ended thinking it was cool, but then found they had no real use for it and are willing to part with

it for a song. In a recent internet search, we even found a site called www.magnafabrics.com that sells

military camo fabric in about a dozen different patterns at very reasonable prices, so for those of you

who sew or our married to a capable seamstress, that is another route to consider.

In my book, another big plus to military camo is its construction. Aside from the cockamamie

button flies on the older pants, the military makes quality garments. Things like Velcro tabs that allow

you to pull sleeves tight around your wrist, draw strings at the bottom of pants legs to help keep out the

cold wind or the ticks, and tabs that let you tighten waists all help make them handy and user friendly.

And then there’s the pockets, especially on the pants. Having too many pockets is like having too many

goose decoys or too many walleye fillets in the freezer, it just ain’t gonna’ happen, and military camo

garments have lots of big handy pockets. The new shirts and pants come in different styles, but my

new ACU shirt has six pockets; two on each sleeve and one on each side at chest height, all held shut

by Velcro, and the pants all have those great cargo pockets on each side of the legs plus the usual four

found on all pants. My shirt has a zipper instead of buttons, which I think is cool, and an expansion panel

on the back of each shoulder that flexes when you extend your arms or bend over. The only downside

I’ve found with this new camo is all the Velcro. Velcro’s great but kind of noisy when the woods are

Sporting goods stores are full of good quality camouflage clothing for every occasion and

situation. Heck, some companies were founded and exist today entirely for the design and production of

camoflage clothing and gear. So if you insist on name brand camo clothing, I understand. But if you, like

me, love a bargain and feel good when you can spend less on your outdoor clothing and gear and still

get just what you need, try surplus military camo, and especially the new army ACU stuff. It’ll help you

continue to Explore Kansas Outdoors for less.

Steve can be contacted by email at [email protected].

Green fields

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By John Schlageck, Kansas Farm Bureau

This year Kansas has green fields, kissed by the sun. There are blue skies with white clouds high above. There are even valleys where rivers run. Heck, there’s even water standing in terrace channels.

It’s been at least five years since the pastures have been this green in the eastern half of the state and even in some of the drier areas of western Kansas the grass is showing signs of life.

If you’ve traveled anywhere in the state this summer, you can see what a little moisture can do, especially with the nurturing hands of our Kansas farmers.

Corn crops tower above the ground. Ten-feet tall is not unusual. Some farmers say some of their crops are 11 and 12-foot tall.

In Decatur County, far northwestern Kansas, farmers are hoping to harvest 90 to 100 bushel dry-land corn.

Grain sorghum fields sport huge heads nine, 10 and even 12 inches long. These heads are heavy filled with plump red and green berries.

Soybean leaves are the size of footballs. Pods weigh down the plants.

Calves graze in grass that nearly tickles their bellies. Even in the short-grass country of western Kansas, the buffalo grass is green and full of protein. Low spots and  buffalo wallows are filled with life sustaining water. It’s a stark contrast to so many years when the grass has already turned brown, parched by the sun.

The Sunflower State has been truly blessed with moisture during the summer of 2014. Rainfall has been plentiful in many areas of our state.

Timely rains keep falling. In some areas of Kansas, farmers have stopped irrigating and are anxious for their fall crops to dry down. They’re ready to harvest.

The May family has farmed and ranched in Decatur County since 1887. Roger and Susan May are fourth-generation producers and they’re thankful for the moisture in 2014.

“It’s been a great year,” Roger says. “The cattle are looking good and in great shape. It’s been several years since our grass has been this green this late in the (growing) season.”

Plenty of showers, moisture from 35 to 60 hundreds of an inch, have been sure and steady throughout the summer, the Decatur County farmer/rancher says. They’ve also enjoyed a couple of more abundant rainfall events that totaled a couple inches. So far this year, nearly nine inches of rain has fallen on their land.

On this early September morning, temperatures hovered in the low 70s. Barn swallows bobbed and weaved in the sky searching for insects. Many of the insects are pesky black flies that pester the cattle and calves.

These insects don’t like to fly on such cool, early mornings. As the cattle kick them up from the ground, the swallows snatch them from the sky, eat them or carry them home to feed their hungry offspring.

Looking out the pickup window at his herd, Roger says he’d rank them at near the top on a scale of one to five. The plentiful moisture, good grass and plenty of milk for the calves has been a real asset this summer.

“They’re in top condition – they’re fleshy and their coats are sleek and shiny,” Roger says. “With these cows in such fine shape, they’ll raise a better, healthier calf this coming winter.”

The Mays manage a 350 head cow/calf operation as part of their farm and ranch operaton. Most years they feed the calves out to finish.

The cornerstone of his livestock operation has always involved making sure they have good feed, good nutrition and the proper health care. He likened his cattle to his family.

Each and every day the Decatur County stockman drives out to look at their herd. Once in the pasture, he meanders slowly through his stock, checking carefully for any sick cows or calves. Roger also checks to see if the cattle have water, mineral and salt.

Another important part of this daily routine is to count the stock and make sure they’re all inside the fence. The Decatur County stockman likes to keep his stock in his pastures.

“If you can keep livestock in, off your neighbor’s property and off the road, that’s a real accomplishment,” May says. “Every cattleman must keep track of his fences – make sure they’re in top repair.”

Like the poem by Frost says, “good fences make good neighbors.”

Yes sir, out here on the May place cattle have always been a major part of their operation. The better they take care of their livestock, the better the cattle will take care of them.

That’s the way it was with his dad and his grandfather before him. As a matter of fact, that’s the way Roger believes it will always be.

John Schlageck is a leading commentator on agriculture and rural Kansas. Born and raised on a diversified farm in northwestern Kansas, his writing reflects a lifetime of experience, knowledge and passion.      

 

– See more at: http://www.kfb.org/news/insight/index.html#sthash.JhODSWBP.dpu

Cougar Volleyball comes up short at Wyo-Braska Tourney

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Playing out of state has not been kind for the Barton Community College volleyball team as the Cougars dropped four matches at the Wyo-Braska Tournament.    Barton limps home with a 3-16 record on the season after going 0-12 in three out-of-state tournaments this season.  The Cougars, 2-3 in conference play, will wrap up its 21-day away schedule on Tuesday in El Dorado, Kansas, in a 6:30 p.m. conference match against the 1-3 and 7-8 Butler Community College Grizzlies.   Barton will return to the friendly confines of the Barton Gym on Wednesday in a non-conference match with Marshalltown Community College.

Barton opened the two-day tournament on Friday in Scottsbluff, Nebraska, dropping a pair of matches with the first coming against Laramie County Community College.  The Cougars took the first set 25-23 but the Golden Eagles won the next two sets 25-22 and 25-15 to take a set lead in the match.  Barton battled back in the fourth earning a hard fought 25-23 win to force a fifth set but the Cougars came out on the short end of a 15-12 score.

The Cougars second match of the day didn’t fare as well as Barton lost in straight sets to No. 5 and host Western Nebraska Community College 25-15, 25-17, and 25-14.

Traveling the short distance to Torrington, Wyoming, for Saturday’s action, the Cougars dropped the first set to Central Wyoming Community College 25-14.  Barton bounced back for a 24-19 win in the second only to have the Rustlers gain the match advantage earning a 28-26 victory.  In an almost carbon copy of Friday’s first match, the Cougars clawed back in the fourth to win 25-22 to force its second five-set match in the last twenty-four hours.  Holding a slim 13-12 lead, the Cougars went scoreless the rest of the fifth falling 15-13.

Less than an hour later Barton returned to the hard court to wrap up play in the tournament with a rematch against a Sheridan College team that defeated the Cougars 3-1 seven days prior at the NJC Pizza Hut Invitational.  After losing the first set 25-22 Barton stormed back for a 25-19 win but that was all the Cougars could muster in losing the remaining sets 25-19 and 25-18.

UNL dedicates statues of former Secretaries of Agriculture

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LINCOLN, Neb. — On a day when four former U.S. secretaries of agriculture from Nebraska were honored in bronze on the University of Nebraska-Lincoln’s East Campus, Ronnie Green already was looking ahead to the need to make room for a fifth and sixth – who knows how many? – statues.

 

Green, Harlan vice chancellor of the University of Nebraska’s Institute of Agriculture and Natural Resources, led the dedication Saturday afternoon of statues of J. Sterling Morton, Clifford Hardin, Clayton Yeutter and Mike Johanns.

 

Only Iowa claims more secretaries of agriculture, with five, but Green assured the crowd Nebraska isn’t done.

 

“When the next secretary of agriculture from Nebraska is appointed, we’ll start working on that next statue,” he said.

 

Yeutter’s statue is in the Jeanne Yeutter garden, while the other three are placed in an area bound by the East Union, Thompson Library and Filley Hall. With planned renovations to the library and the union, Green said, this Legacy Plaza will become a major focal point on East Campus, where the statues will serve to educate future generations of students about “these four distinguished Nebraskans who have served our country greatly.”

 

Green said the idea for the statues was born during the celebration two years ago of the 150th anniversary of the Morrill Act, which created the land-grant university system. Yeutter and Johanns were among four former ag secretaries who participated in a panel-discussion Heuermann Lecture that fall.

 

The statues, privately funded, were sculpted by Matthew Placzek of Omaha, who expressed his joy in getting to know the four men’s families over the last couple of years. “To me, to be a part of this wonderful campus is truly an honor,” Placzek said.

 

Yeutter and Johanns expressed appreciation. “I’ve been a Cornhusker all my life,” said Yeutter, a Dawson County native.

 

Johanns, a former governor now finishing his service in the U.S. Senate, said he too was honored.

 

“You can’t be a senator or governor and not have a very deep, passionate appreciation of what the University of Nebraska means to this state,” he said.

 

Many members of Hardin’s family also were present Saturday, including three daughters who accepted the honor on behalf of the family.

Writer: Dan Moser, IANR News Service

Missed opportunities result in scoreless Jayhawk battle for Barton Soccer

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barton cc

Two extra periods still wasn’t enough Saturday at the Cougar Soccer Complex as the Barton Community College and Johnson County Community College men’s soccer teams couldn’t find the back of the net in a scoreless tie.  As both defenses stole opportunities and goalkeepers came up with acrobatic saves preserving the shutout, the offensive attackers had their chances banging multiple shots off the frame throughout the contest.  The tie keeps Barton near the top of the conference standings at 2-1-2 and 2-3-3 overall while Johnson County keeps pace at 1-1-2 in the Jayhawk and 6-4-2 overall.

Barton will step out of conference play on Tuesday as both the men’s and women’s teams travel to Hesston College on Tuesday.  Kickoff for the women’s game is 5:00 p.m. followed by the men’s contest at approximately 7:00 p.m.

The Covered Dish – Pork Chili

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This week I am featuring a recipe that is bringing me a great deal of positive

comments at work. Every time I present a recipe that is rather different in

construction I wonder how it will be received. The response as indicated is

spectacular. I wrote this dish about 3 years ago, if you didn’t try it when it came

out I encourage you to go for it now.

With the cost of beef being so high it’s going to be rather expensive creating some

of our favorite beef recipes. In the Ozarks I have found the boneless sirloin chops

frequently at 2.39 a pound. This week locally they were 1.99 per pound. For a

hearty chili with ground beef, brisket or even a roast cut this is going to be about

2-3 times higher. You will also notice the use of a rue/thickening being made with

the beef stock. Everyone sorta’ looked at me strange when they saw this part of

the recipe. Don’t hesitate, it’s going to be great!

Every time I present a dish I encourage my students and guests to look into the

core of the dish to see how they might pull sections away and implement them

someplace else. Today I have grabbed a few favorite ingredients to create a white

chili recipe using this same base structure. I’ll let you know what the outcome is

in the next column.

White meat versus white meat? What do I mean? Well, if the pork is extremely

lean you will notice it is about 30-40 calories less than white chicken breast. Thus

a good reason to choose pork over chicken. Of course I did fry the pork meat so I

added in more cholesterol/fat going in this direction.

While I was typing the above paragraph I stopped and went to the kitchen and

created a white chili form that I am trying to name. It turned out beautiful using

the chili format above. Next week I’ll present it to you in plenty of time for the

cooler fall weather and sporting events/tailgating. There will ‘tons’ of variations,

all I can say is start saving chicken stock.

Tonight is football and I’m trying to get all the loose ends wrapped up so the rest

of week goes smoothly. You moms know what I’m talking about. The house

is picked up and tidy, kitchen clean, laundry all caught up and meal planning is

complete for the rest of the week.

Don’t forget I will be in McPherson, Kansas the first Saturday in October doing

my ‘Tailgating’ class. I’ll be full of tips and lots of yummy dishes to assist you in

the gatherings to come. On the fence about your winter travels? Solution? Join

me in March for my culinary cruise! Visit my website to check out all the details.

www.thecovereddish.com Simply yours, The Covered Dish.

Soul Warming Pork Chili

3 pounds boneless sirloin chops

3/4 cup flour

1 1/2 teaspoons Black Kettle Seasoning Salt

2/3 cup canola oil

2 medium onion, chopped

8-9 tablespoons flour

4 cups low sodium beef stock

*5 tablespoons chili powder

3 teaspoons cumin

1 teaspoon black pepper

1 teaspoon hot sauce

1 (4 ounce can) whole chilies, chopped slightly large

2 (15.5 ounce) cans chili beans

1 (15.5 ounce) can pinto beans

3 (14.5 ounce cans Tomatoes, Classic

(Contains celery, green peppers and onion pieces)

Heat oil in large skillet over medium/medium low heat. Mix flour and 1 1/2

teaspoons Black Kettle into a dredging dish, blending. When oil is hot begin frying

the chops, turn browning nicely on both sides. While the meat is cooking chop

the onion, leave somewhat big, not diced. Drain the cooked chops on paper

towels and sauté the onion in remaining oil and drippings. Remove onions,

draining well. Stir in 8-9 tablespoons of flour into drippings. (Once while making

an additional tablespoon of oil was necessary!) Add 4 cups of beef stock and

cook until thickened and boiling. Add only 3 tablespoons of chili powder, cumin,

pepper and hot sauce; stir to blend. Using a chef’s knife dice the chops into about

1/2 inch pieces, place in large stockpot. Add onions, chopped chilies, beans and

tomatoes. Stir to blend all ingredients. Lastly, add the mother/rue for the skillet

to the entire mixture. Heat on Medium low until it comes to a boil; reduce to

simmer for at least a couple of hours to blend.

Garnish the chili with pepper jack cheese, fresh onions or cilantro.

The original goal was to come up with a good pork chili that had a rich and creamy

sauce. The fried sirloin chops and gravy style sauce produced what I was seeking.

Another option would be to lighten the dish by grilling or smoking the chops.

*Chili powders can have varying degrees of heat. The container on hand was

about 6 months old and 5 tablespoons were used. You may need less if the

container is extremely fresh. Thus the reason for using only 3 tablespoons to

start. Sample the heat of the chili, then add more powder as necessary.

Variations: Use different types of chili powders, hot sauces, mixes or paprika.

Add more green chilies or for intense heat, jalapenos!

Prep: One Hour

Servings: 8-10

Cost: Not including oil, spices and flour, approx. $15.00

Lady Cougar soccer can’t recover from first half, fall 3-0 to Johnson County

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Giving up three first half goals, the Barton Community College women’s soccer team couldn’t find the net in the second half dropping a conference battle Saturday 3-0 to Johnson County Community College at the Cougar Soccer Complex.   The loss drops the Lady Cougars to 2-2-1 in conference play and 4-4-2 on the season while Johnson County sits atop the standings at 3-0-0 and 7-3 overall.

Jenn Howell gave Johnson County the early lead pounding in a loose ball from a corner kick just 7:24 into the contest.  Sydney Alexander outmuscled the Cougar defense to blast a shot across the box finding the inside far post to give the Cavaliers the two-goal cushion with 20:14 to play.  Less than thirteen minutes later Annie Poelzl found Mackenzie Cox to put the icing on the cake capping the scoring with 7:31 before halftime.

Barton will step out of conference play on Tuesday as both the men’s and women’s teams travel to Hesston College on Tuesday.  Kickoff for the women’s game is 5:00 p.m. followed by the men’s contest at approximately 7:00 p.m.

Simple tree

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“Pickin’ up Pawpaws”

 

You may know the song better than the tree or the fruit – “Pickinup pawpaws, puttin’ ’em in your pocket…” But pawpaw trees are actually native to Nebraska. It’s a small tree, about 20 feet in height, that grows in the open woods and ravines of the Missouri River bluffs in southeastern Nebraska.

 

Their short, stubby, banana-like fruits ripen in September or early October. Like bananas, they have a narrow window for harvesting since they ripen quickly. The fruits will fall naturally when they’re ripe but can be handpicked when they’re not entirely mature. If picked too early, though, they may not finish ripening. The signs of ripeness aren’t easily visible since coloration varies depending on the season and weather. A slight softening of the fruit, similar to peaches, may be a more reliable test of ripeness.

 

Pawpaws have a rich flavor that is a mix of banana, vanilla custard, pineapple and mango, and they’re very nutritious – high in potassium, iron and calcium.  The fruit can be used in cookies and breads where its creamy, custard-like flesh complements spices and other ingredients. They can also be eaten raw, but in small amounts as they can cause digestive problems.

 

As a tree, pawpaw or Asimina triloba has tropical-looking foliage that is conspicuous for its large size (leaves can be up to a foot long) that tends to turn a brilliant yellow in fall. They prefer moist, well-drained soils but are tolerant of clay and drought. They will tolerate dense shade but, for fruit production, are best grown in full sun. In the wild pawpaws can often be found in the shady understory of oak-hickory forests and they usually grow in colonies, spreading to form an attractive grove.

 

It’s an attractive landscape tree for even small spaces since they are narrower than they are high, and their tendency to colonize can be contained by mowing or otherwise removing young seedlings. They’re one of the last trees to leaf out in spring and early on the young leaves may appear yellowish or chlorotic but they soon turn a deep green.

Source: Karma Larsen, Nebraska Forest Service

Cold snap may have nipped Kansas sorghum, soybeans more than corn

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Departure from 30-yr average normal mean temperatures (1981-2010) recorded from September 1 to 18, 2014 for the state of Kansas. ~K-State Research Extension
Departure from 30-yr average normal mean temperatures (1981-2010) recorded from September 1 to 18, 2014 for the state of Kansas. ~K-State Research Extension
Departure from 30-yr average normal mean temperatures (1981-2010) recorded from September 1 to 18, 2014 for the state of Kansas. ~K-State Research Extension

September temperatures fall below 30-year average

 

MANHATTAN, Kan. – From time to time over the past few months it seemed like fall was trying to crowd out summer, and now it’s a little more serious. The latest cold snap may have been enough to impact grain filling and test weight for Kansas’ summer row crops, especially sorghum and soybeans, according to a Kansas State University agronomist.

 

“Based on preliminary temperatures, the lowest temperatures recorded around the state of Kansas may have a potential impact on the grain filling and final test weight for summer row crops, especially sorghum and soybean, since corn is close to 50 percent mature,” said Ignacio Ciampitti, crop specialist with K-State Research and Extension.

 

“In the last 17 days, we have recorded temperatures below 35 degrees F for several counties around the state,” said Mary Knapp, assistant state climatologist for Kansas. “The county with the lowest temperature was Osborne with 29 degrees F, but Ellis, Trego, Ness, and Decatur counties also presented lowest temperatures around 30 to 31 degrees.”

 

The northwestern and north-central corners of the state particularly have experienced the low temperatures. The central part of the state saw temperatures as low as 33 to 37 degrees F, while the south region (west, central and eastern portions) had overall temperatures above 40 degrees.

 

The temperatures experienced in the last 17 days fell below the 30-year average for 101 of Kansas’ 105 counties. For the north-central counties of Smith, Phillips, Mitchell, Graham, Rooks, Osborne and Trego, the departure was close to 7 degrees F below the 30-year average, Knapp said.

 

How temperatures affect crops

 

In most of the state, Ciampitti said, the state’s corn crop is beyond the dent stage (50 percent mature). Corn is affected with temperatures below or at 32 degrees F. Lower temperatures can produce an equivalent or greater damage even when the exposure time is relatively minimal. Clear skies, minimum humidity and no wind conditions increase freeze damage even with temperatures above 32 degrees.

 

“Any freeze damage at this point of the season will hardly produce any visible symptoms but can impact the final test weight and potentially seed quality (depending on the growth stage),” Ciampitti said.

 

Researchers in Wisconsin found that a light frost (affecting leaves) will produce a 5 percent yield reduction, while a killing frost (affecting leaf and stalk) will reduce yields by 12 percent, even when the corn is at the dent stage. The only point in which corn is not affected at all by freeze is at the black layer stage, Ciampitti said.

 

“Kansas’ soybean is into the final reproductive stages (dropping leaves),” the agronomist said. “Temperatures below 32 degrees can interrupt grain filling and impact yield, meaning lower test weight and seed quality.”

 

Necrosis of the leaf canopy is a visible symptom of freeze damage in soybeans, he added. Absolute temperature is more important than the duration of the cold stress – especially if temperatures drop lower than 28 degrees F. The timing of the freeze effect will increase the likelihood of affecting yields. As the crop approaches maturity, the impact of a freeze event on soybean yields declines.

 

The Kansas sorghum crop is more than halfway coloring (14 percent mature). Low temperatures will reduce seed growth and affect final test weight and seed quality.

 

“A freeze will kill sorghum if the stalks are frozen and impair the flow of assimilates and nutrients to the grain,” Ciampitti said. “A freeze at the hard-dough stage (before grain matures) will produce lower weight and chaffy seeds.”

 

Story by: Mary Lou Peter

Laugh tracks in the dust

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Thayne Cozart
Milo Yield

One of life’s most enduring treasures and pleasures is spending quality time with friends. Last week I got to spend quality time with New Mexico friends, Albie and A. B. Kirky. They came for their semi-annual jaunt to the Flint Hills for four days of non-stop fishing.

The fishing wuz average at best, but Albie garnered the biggest game fish — a 7 pound channel catfish and A.B. scored the biggest bass of the week — a near four pounder who fell to an enticing grasshopper skewered on A. B.’s hook. My Flint Hills friend, ol’ Saul M. Reeder, who joined the fishing party two days, took home the “biggest fish” caught during the trip — a 7 1/2 pound carp that had found its way into a watershed lake and greedily sucked in Saul’s grasshopper.

As for me, I didn’t get skunked by any means, but I got out-fished for sure. But then again, the “guide” isn’t supposed to catch the most or the biggest fish of the trip.

But the finest “catch” of all wuz laughing and engaging in verbal jousting with old friends. It’s surprising how stories of old are still funny when told again and embellished with each retelling.

***

You can never underestimate the innovativeness of American farm boys.

At a rural high school in Iowa, a group of male students played a prank. They let three billy goats loose inside the school.

But before turning them loose, they painted numbers on the sides of  the goats: 1, 2 and 4.

School Administrators spent most of the day looking for No. 3.

Now that’s funny. I don’t care who you are.

***

Ol’ Nevah and I were just settling into bed one night last week when the phone rang.

I got out of bed and went into the living room to answer the phone.

I answered “Hello?” Then I said, “sure is,” hung up the receiver, and went back to bed.

A minute later the phone rang again. Again, I got out of bed and went into the other room and answered the phone, “hello” and then, once again, said “sure is,” and hung up on the caller.

When I got back to bed, ol’ Nevah asked, “who was that?”

I said, “I don’t have a clue, but it wuz a woman’s voice.”

A minute later the phone rang again and the whole process repeated itself.

After the third time of returning to bed, ol’ Nevah asked, “Well, what did the person say?”

I replied, “It’s odd, a woman just keeps saying, ‘Long distance from Tucson’ and I keep assuring her she’s right.”

***

In Texas there is a town called New Braunfels, where there is a large German-speaking population.

One day, a local rancher driving down a country road noticed a man using his hand to drink water from the rancher’s stock pond.

The rancher rolled down the window and shouted: “Freut mich Sie zu sehen! Trinken Sie nicht das Wasser. Die Kühe haben hinein geschissen.”

(Which means: “Glad to see you! Don’t drink the water. The cows have pooped in it.”

The man shouted back: “I’m from New York and I’m down here campaigning for tighter gun control laws. I can’t understand you. Please speak in English.”

The rancher replied: “I said, ‘use both hands to quench your thirst.’”

***

Thanks to J. M., a Wyoming reader who sent me this e-mail: “Milo, I heard on the news that scientists are close to cloning some of the ancient flesh-eating dinosaurs.

“Then I also heard the fish and game bureaucrats had pre-ordered two pairs of each. They think the cloned dinosaurs will help control the wolves, bears, and pumas that they have reintroduced that are eating our cattle, horses, and sheep.”

***

I just saw the results of a new rural voter political poll taken in advance of the mid-term elections coming in November.

The main result of the poll showed that U. S. farmers/ranchers rate the current administration as the fifth best ever of the 44 administrations in the nation’s history.

In the poll, the Reagan, Lincoln, and 8 other administrations tied for first; 15 others tied for second; 17 others tied for third; the only administration headed by a Georgia peanut farmer wuz in fourth. And, the current administration came in 5th.

***

I’m tired of the coming election and the political ads already and it’s still more than six weeks away. So, I’ll close for the week with some wise words about elections. Movie star Orson Wells once said, “Popularity should be no scale for the election of politicians. If it would depend on popularity, Donald Duck and The Muppets would take seats in the senate.”  And, some guy named Simon Sinek said, “Leadership is not about the next election, it’s about the next generation,”

Well said. Have a good ‘un.